Buzz
Discover how to heal and grow after a relationship ends, regardless of who initiated the breakup.
Whether you ended things or he did, the emotional pain is real. Moving on after a breakup is never easy, but taking proactive steps can help you heal faster and regain your sense of self.
Steps to Recovery
Create Space Between You
Avoid spending time with him. Ambiguous breakups can lead to unnecessary complications. Clearly communicate that you no longer wish to see him.
- If you were the one who ended things, ensure there’s no confusion about the relationship's status.
- Avoid ambiguous statements like "This isn’t working out" or "I’m unsure about what I want."
- Be straightforward. Use clear language such as "It’s over" to leave no room for misinterpretation.
Avoid unexpected encounters. Shared social circles, workplaces, or schools can make it hard to dodge your ex. Adjust your schedule, lean on friends, and update your social media to minimize accidental run-ins.
- Update your Facebook profile. Change your relationship status and remove your ex as a friend. Delete shared photos and untag yourself from any posts featuring both of you.
- If your friends support you, ask them to unfriend your ex too.
- If friends remain connected to your ex, avoid their social media pages to prevent seeing updates about him.
- Shift your routine. Work or school commitments might still overlap, but you can tweak your schedule to avoid crossing paths.
- Arrive at class just before it starts to avoid awkward conversations.
- At work, bring your own coffee and snacks to skip the break room. Use restrooms on another floor if necessary, and ask a colleague to handle tasks like photocopying if it means avoiding your ex.
- Adjust the timing of errands like dry cleaning or library visits to steer clear of familiar haunts.
- Reader Poll: In a survey of 814 Mytour readers, 51% recommended taking a social media break for a few weeks post-breakup. [Take Poll]
Free your mind from the past. Even if you avoid your ex physically, dwelling on memories can keep you stuck. Engage in new activities to shift your focus and break the cycle of overthinking.
- Explore a new hobby. Whether it’s dancing, photography, or something else, diving into a fresh interest can distract your mind and help you grow.
- Volunteer. Check platforms like OneBrick.org or Sparked.com for opportunities, or reach out to local organizations.
- Volunteering not only helps others but also boosts your mood and makes you more appealing to potential partners—a double benefit.
- Clear out reminders of the relationship. Toss photos, letters, and gifts, or store them out of sight if you’re not ready to let go.
- Delete old emails, or archive them in a folder for later review.
- Return sentimental items like jewelry if they hold meaning for your ex, or decide what to do with them yourself.
Process Your Emotions
Recognize the stages of grief. Breakups, regardless of their duration, involve loss and grief. While everyone’s experience is unique, certain patterns are common.
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—offer a framework for understanding your emotions.
- You may not experience all stages or go through them in order, but knowing what to expect can help you navigate your feelings.
- Depending on the breakup, you might feel sadness, regret, anxiety, or even physical symptoms like headaches, insomnia, or fatigue.
Express your emotions. Holding in your feelings can make the pain last longer. Reach out to supportive friends or family, or write down your thoughts in a journal or blog if you prefer not to talk.
- Confide in someone you trust. Whether it’s your mom, aunt, cousin, or best friend, sharing your feelings can lighten the emotional load and help you feel understood.
- Have a mental conversation with your ex. Research shows that imagining a dialogue and saying goodbye can provide more emotional relief than keeping it all inside.
- Write an unsent letter to your ex. Pour out your anger, sadness, and regrets onto paper without worrying about grammar or coherence. This exercise helps release pent-up emotions.
Swearing might help. Studies, such as one published in NeuroReport, suggest that using strong language can actually reduce pain and provide a sense of relief.
Explore your spirituality. Engaging in spiritual practices can bring calm and clarity during the chaos of a breakup.
- Research in the British Medical Journal found that individuals with strong spiritual beliefs tend to recover from grief faster and more fully than those without.
- Consider meditation or similar practices. Whether it’s yoga, Tai chi, prayer, or transcendental meditation, find a method that resonates with you.
Seek professional help if you’re struggling to heal. Studies show that prolonged emotional distress after a breakup can lead to physical changes in the brain, affecting motivation and focus. Don’t wait too long to seek support if you’re unable to move forward.
Take the Next Step
Reconnect with friends. No matter your relationship status, your friends are your constant support. Take time to appreciate them by planning activities you enjoy, like lunch dates, club outings, or shopping trips.
Build a motivational playlist. Music triggers dopamine release, boosting your mood. Curate a playlist of empowering, uplifting songs that make you want to dance and smile.
- Include tracks with empowering messages. Cosmopolitan Magazine recommends these breakup anthems:
- "Since U Been Gone," Kelly Clarkson
- "Forget You," Cee Lo Green
- "Single Ladies," Beyoncé
- "So What," Pink
- "Stronger," Britney Spears
- Sing along loudly and proudly. If your ex criticized your singing, now’s the time to belt it out even louder—just avoid songs that remind you of love.
Consider adopting a pet. Pets provide numerous benefits, from reducing loneliness and depression to boosting self-esteem and physical fitness. A furry companion can bring joy and unconditional love into your life.
- Walking a dog is a great way to stay active and meet new people, expanding your social circle.
- Pets offer unwavering affection, helping you feel less pressure to find that same level of love from a romantic partner.
Focus on fitness. If your breakup derailed your workout routine or fitness goals, now’s the time to get back on track. Exercise releases endorphins, improving your mood and helping you feel and look better.
- Regular exercise can enhance sleep, energy levels, and confidence—areas often affected by a breakup.
- If comfort food led to weight gain, exercise can help you shed those extra pounds and feel more like yourself.
Revamp your look. You don’t need a complete makeover, but updating your appearance can boost your confidence and make you feel more attractive.
- Browse fashion magazines or websites for style inspiration. Celebrities often reinvent themselves after breakups, and you can too.
- Try small changes like new highlights or a bold lip color. A fresh look can reflect your new outlook on life and show your ex what they’re missing.
Embrace new opportunities. While you might not be ready to date, there’s no harm in socializing and practicing your flirting skills. Explore places where you can meet new people and enjoy casual interactions.
- If someone catches your eye, make eye contact and smile. Keep it light—coffee or a chat doesn’t mean you’re committing to anything.
- If you connect with someone, avoid venting about your breakup or criticizing your ex. Negative talk about past relationships can be a major turn-off for potential new partners.
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Move Past an Infatuation
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Engage in activities you love to distract yourself. Soon, you’ll find yourself having fun and not even thinking about him!
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You can dwell on the past and cry, but eventually, you’ll realize life must go on.
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Refresh your wardrobe! While it may seem minor, new clothes can boost your mood and confidence.
The advice in this section comes from the real-life experiences of Mytour readers like you. If you have a useful tip to share on Mytour, please submit it in the field below.
- Allow yourself to fully process the emotions of a breakup—sadness, anger, and more—instead of suppressing them. Share your feelings with trusted friends who will listen without judgment. Consider writing in a private journal to express your emotions. Alternatively, try an imaginary conversation with your ex to say a final goodbye; this can bring unexpected relief.
- Stay busy by reconnecting with friends through shared interests and enjoyable activities. Explore a new hobby that excites your curiosity or creativity, such as painting, cooking, or learning a new language. Volunteering is another excellent choice—helping others shifts your focus and brings a sense of fulfillment.
- Think about adopting or fostering a pet in need. Caring for a loving companion can significantly improve your mental and emotional health. You’ll receive unconditional love and stay active through walks, playtime, and cuddles.
- Push yourself physically by intensifying your workouts, trying challenging fitness classes, or training for a race. Exercise not only boosts your mood but also enhances your confidence as you grow stronger.
- Create a motivational playlist filled with songs that energize and inspire you. Sing along boldly, even if you’re off-key! Letting go and singing passionately releases endorphins and can be incredibly therapeutic.
Warnings
- Avoid letting anger and sadness overwhelm you. Losing friends is the last thing you want during this time.
- Refrain from broadcasting your emotions at school or on social media. Avoid posting about your sadness on platforms like Facebook or Myspace, but don’t pretend everything is fine either. Guys have feelings too, so steer clear of posting anything related to him.
