Effective Ways to Stop Thinking About Someone

Allow yourself to express your emotions. Grieving, though painful, is a crucial step in overcoming thoughts of someone you’ve lost. Counselors often emphasize the importance of healthy grieving, which helps release the complex emotions tied to that person. Take time to reflect, yearn, and, if needed, cry. These are natural responses to loss. Understand that you may not feel your best for a while, and consider postponing demanding social or professional obligations temporarily.

• There’s no fixed timeline for moving on from someone you cared about deeply. Generally, the longer and closer the relationship, the more time you’ll need to grieve. Avoid setting rigid expectations for yourself. Grieve for as long as necessary—no more, no less. You’ll realize you’re ready to move forward when you notice moments of happiness returning naturally.

Share your feelings with those close to you. You don’t have to face a loss alone. Trusted friends and family members are often eager to listen and support you. If you feel comfortable, open up to them about the persistent thoughts you’ve been having regarding the person you’ve lost. While discussing such a sensitive topic can be challenging, it often brings immense relief.

• If you’re hesitant to talk to loved ones or feel you need additional support, consider speaking with a professional. Therapists and counselors aren’t just for severe mental health issues—they’re also valuable for helping healthy individuals navigate emotional pain. In fact, a 2004 study revealed that over 25% of American adults sought mental health treatment within the previous two years.

Put your thoughts into writing. Struggling to articulate why you can’t stop thinking about someone? Try journaling. Many counselors and therapists recommend writing as a way to process the complex emotions tied to loss. Journaling provides a free-flowing space to express your innermost thoughts, offering both emotional release and surprising insights into your feelings.

• Beyond journaling, writing poems, stories, or song lyrics can also be therapeutic. Any form of writing that helps you understand your emotions is worth exploring.

Focus on your desire to find happiness again. While it may sound cliché, it’s easy to lose sight of your own happiness when grieving someone who’s no longer in your life. Remind yourself that your well-being matters, no matter what has happened. As you work through your thoughts, keep your goal of happiness in mind and surround yourself with people and activities that bring you joy.

• If focusing on happiness feels impossible, try faking it. Studies suggest that small actions, like forcing a smile, can help improve your mood during tough times.

Stay active, but don’t use busyness to avoid your emotions. Keeping yourself occupied can be a helpful way to cope with loss. Engaging in work, hobbies, or self-improvement activities can distract you from lingering regrets. Physical exercise, in particular, has been shown to combat symptoms of depression.

• However, avoid using constant activity as a way to escape your feelings. While staying busy might temporarily push away painful thoughts, it can leave you emotionally drained and prevent you from processing your grief. Balance activity with moments of reflection.

Avoid dwelling on "what if" scenarios. After losing someone, it’s common to be haunted by thoughts like "What if I had acted differently?" or "What if I had said the right thing?" These hypotheticals can be torturous and unproductive. While they’re hard to avoid, try to redirect your focus to the present and future. Remember, the past cannot be changed.

• "What if" questions often exaggerate your role in the situation. Most losses are beyond your control, and there’s little you could have done differently. Loved ones can help remind you of this truth.

Understand that your emotions will evolve over time. When you're overwhelmed by thoughts of someone, it might feel like the pain will never end. However, feelings naturally shift and fade as time passes. This doesn’t mean you’ll forget the person entirely, but their significance in your thoughts will diminish unless you actively keep them alive.

• Still skeptical? Reflect on a childhood crush. Do you still feel the same intensity about them? Chances are, you remember them fondly but without the same emotional weight.

Honor the other person’s need for space. After a romantic breakup, giving each other distance is crucial, especially if the relationship ended due to possessive behavior. This doesn’t mean avoiding them entirely, but it does mean refraining from seeking unnecessary interactions.

• If you encounter them, a simple, polite greeting like "Hi, how are you?" is enough before moving on. Avoid lingering or initiating deeper conversations.
• When you must interact, such as at work or school, keep exchanges brief, courteous, and to the point. Avoid small talk or personal discussions.

Temporarily remove reminders of the person. Moving on doesn’t require erasing their existence, but it helps to avoid constant reminders during the healing process. For at least a month, distance yourself from items or memories that trigger negative emotions. You can revisit them later when you’re in a better emotional state.

• Remove photos of them from your living space.
• Store or discard any of their belongings you still have.
• Consider unfollowing or unfriending them on social media temporarily.

Create new experiences for yourself. Familiar people, places, and routines can keep you stuck in the past. Now is the perfect time to explore new activities and environments. This doesn’t mean abandoning your current life—it means enriching it so you can return with fresh perspectives and stories.

• Take up a new hobby, like learning a musical instrument or trying a creative pursuit.
• Plan an adventure, such as a road trip, backpacking journey, or camping trip with friends.
• Engage with thought-provoking art, music, films, or books to help process your emotions.

Focus on personal growth. While coping with thoughts of someone else, redirecting your energy toward self-improvement can be a positive and empowering shift. This not only helps you regain your happiness but also positions you for greater success in the future. Here are a few ways to work on yourself:

• Pursue new career or educational opportunities. Taking on a challenging project or course can enhance your skills and open doors for long-term growth.
• Acquire new abilities. Learning something new, like a programming language through free online resources or enrolling in a MOOC, can make you more self-reliant and career-ready.
• Engage in physical training. Exercise not only boosts your mood but also improves your overall health and confidence, helping you feel better about yourself.

Shift your focus to the future. As you begin to process your thoughts about this person and feel their emotional hold lessen, start planning ahead. This doesn’t mean you have to stop thinking about them entirely, but it does mean prioritizing your present responsibilities and future goals over past events. Over time, this shift will happen naturally as you regain control of your thoughts.

Redirect your thoughts to others. If your feelings for this person were romantic, allow yourself to consider other potential partners. If it was a lost friend or family member, focus on the other meaningful relationships in your life. While it may feel like a betrayal to think of others, it’s actually a healthy step toward moving forward.

• Remember, there’s no set timeline for moving on. Everyone heals at their own pace, and moving on quickly is a sign of resilience, not disloyalty.

Embrace mindfulness. Mindfulness involves consciously acknowledging and accepting your emotions without judgment. This meditative practice helps you process difficult feelings rather than suppressing them, allowing you to heal more effectively. By understanding and accepting your emotions, you can begin to move past them.

• For more guidance, check out our article on Buddhist mindfulness techniques.

Be patient with yourself. Overcoming persistent thoughts about someone can take time. You may have setbacks and find yourself thinking about them again, but that’s part of the process. As Winston Churchill said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." Healing is a journey, and taking the time to recover at your own pace is worth it.

• This isn’t just motivational advice. Psychological research shows that people tend to return to a baseline level of happiness over time, regardless of life’s ups and downs. This concept, known as the Hedonic Treadmill, suggests that you’ll eventually feel "normal" again, even after intense emotional struggles.

• If you're trying to move on from a romantic relationship, consider temporarily removing reminders of the person from your daily life. This might include unfollowing them on social media, deleting their contact information, and avoiding mutual friends until you’ve processed your emotions.
• If you're coping with the loss of a friend or family member, keeping meaningful mementos like photos or keepsakes can provide comfort. These items serve as tangible connections to the person. However, if certain objects only deepen your grief, it may be best to set them aside for now.