Buzz
It can be hard to recognize when a group you're part of is a cult. By the time you realize, leaving can seem nearly impossible. Cults are deceptive—most never openly identify as such. However, if you're unable to ask questions, make independent choices, or challenge the leader, you're likely involved in one. Anyone can get drawn into a cult, but it takes courage to break free and return to normal life. With a solid plan and support, you can escape, heal from the psychological and emotional harm, and regain control of your life.
Instructions
Breaking Free
Prepare your belongings. If you're in a cult where living arrangements are communal—like a compound, a shared home, or a community-based housing setup—start packing a bag with essentials for your escape. Include a change of clothes, your cell phone, identification, and any personal items that are meaningful to you. Store this bag somewhere discreet until you're ready to leave.
- If you believe you might need to leave in an emergency, always carry your phone, ID, and any cash or small valuables with you.
- If you suspect that your bag could be found, avoid packing it until the last possible moment. Be prepared to leave your things behind if necessary.
- Consider how you'll explain your actions if anyone notices you're preparing to leave.
Create a list of individuals who could assist you. Consider every person you know outside of the cult who might be able to offer help in some capacity. This could include friends, doctors, neighbors, classmates, or anyone else. Write down their names and specify how they can help—whether that's providing meals, helping you find a job, or aiding you in staying out of sight from cult members. Reach out to these individuals as soon as it's safe to do so.
Secure a place to stay. If you're leaving a live-in cult environment, make sure to arrange a safe place to stay beforehand. You might stay with family or friends who are not part of the cult, or look for nearby shelters.
- If you feel you might be in danger after leaving, seek help from the police. They can assist you in finding a safe place. This is especially important if you're a child.
Look for a chance to escape. If your movements are restricted, you could potentially escape when others visit the cult or when you're taken outside the shared living space. If that's not possible, consider taking a bus if there's one nearby, calling a taxi, or arranging for a friend or family member to pick you up.
Stop attending group activities. If you're living on your own, cut ties with the cult by no longer attending meetings. Find alternative activities to fill that time. If you leave yourself idle, you might convince yourself to return to the group.
- For example, spend time with friends or family during the usual meeting times.
- Be ready to respond to questions from group members. Plan your responses in advance and decide how to avoid being lured back in.
Ensuring Your Safety
Keep your departure plans private. Do not reveal to anyone in the cult that you're intending to leave. They may attempt to change your mind. If you're in a "compound," you might find that others begin to monitor you more closely, which could limit your chances of escaping. Keep participating in regular activities to avoid drawing attention to your intentions.
- Be cautious about whom you trust within the group. Even if someone appears to support you, they could later change their mind and reveal your intentions to others.
Keep a record of your interactions with cult members after you leave. It's likely that you will be contacted by other members after your escape. Keep these interactions brief, and document each one thoroughly. If legal in your area, consider recording your conversations.
- Your record of interactions will be valuable if you need to get in touch with law enforcement.
- The cult will likely try to persuade you to return. Plan your responses ahead of time to avoid giving in.
- You might say something like, “I no longer wish to be part of the group. Please stop contacting me.”
Focus on your own recovery instead of trying to save others in the cult. Avoid reaching out to current members in an attempt to change their beliefs. It's unlikely to be effective, and you risk being drawn back into the cult.
- Instead, focus on rebuilding your own life, which will allow you to set a positive example for others who may eventually leave.
- Others in the cult who are having doubts might reach out to you—that's when you can offer your support.
- If your family, such as parents or siblings, are still involved in the cult, cutting contact with them may be necessary for your own safety and to remain independent from the group.
Decide if law enforcement needs to be involved. If cult members are harassing, stalking, or threatening you, consider contacting the police. It's also important to involve law enforcement if any illegal activities are taking place within the cult, or if you believe the cult is endangering others.
- For example, if there is any physical or sexual abuse happening within the cult, you should inform the authorities.
Emotional Healing
Focus on establishing healthy boundaries. Stand firm in your decision to leave the cult. Remind yourself of the reasons you wanted to break free, and make it clear to any current members that you do not wish to engage with them. Start practicing self-reliance in decision-making and rediscover your true self.
- Cults gain control over individuals by eroding their boundaries. Rebuilding your boundaries in a healthy way may require time, effort, and possibly professional help.
Remember that many cults may have positive intentions and contribute to some good causes. You can still make a meaningful impact on the world independently, without being part of any group. You are not required to live in fear, follow strict rules, endure the oppressive leadership, or let them dictate your thoughts and emotions.
Reach out for support from people outside the cult. Many individuals will offer their understanding and compassion, even if they don't fully comprehend the challenges you're facing. Reacquaint yourself with life outside the cult by spending time with loved ones and those who care for you. You may also find solace in connecting with a support group for survivors of spiritual abuse.
- If you struggle with adjusting, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or cult expert who can assist you in navigating your new reality.
Join support groups to connect with others who share your experience. Numerous groups exist specifically for those who have left cults. Search for these groups online and participate in ways that help you find a network of individuals who truly understand your journey. Visit https://cultrecovery101.com/recovery-links/ for a list of local support groups. You might also find groups on Facebook.
- Explore the International Cultic Studies Association, which hosts support groups for survivors.
Prepare yourself for potential rejection by the cult. Once they realize you are not returning, they will likely sever all communication with you. Being cast aside by those you were once close to can be deeply painful, even if those individuals are part of a harmful belief system. To manage this, lean on your new support network and engage in activities that promote healing, such as work or education.
Learn from others who have left the cult. Reach out to individuals who have escaped your cult and inquire about their adjustment process, or look for personal accounts online from others who have left cults behind. Hearing how others managed the transition can inspire and motivate you to do the same.
- If you connect with someone who has left the cult and they are open to maintaining a relationship, consider forming a friendship. This could provide you with valuable support and guidance as you continue your journey forward.
Keep exploring your beliefs and ideas. Relearn the art of critical thinking and regain control over your decision-making process. Expose yourself to new perspectives by reading diverse books and articles, watching thought-provoking TV shows, and engaging in conversations with a variety of people. Pay attention to recognizing and challenging unhelpful thought patterns, such as self-blame or overgeneralization, when they arise.
- For example, the cult might have led you to believe that bad things happen because you didn’t act right. Remind yourself that these thoughts are unfounded and not true.
Consider seeing a counselor. Exit counseling can assist you in adjusting to life outside of the cult. If you were deeply involved for an extended period or are struggling with intense emotional withdrawal, a counselor can help you reshape your thought patterns and learn to live independently.
- Seek a counselor experienced in supporting former cult members.
