Buzz
Handling rejection when her feelings don’t match yours
Navigating the dating scene and understanding whether a girl is shy, playing hard to get, or simply uninterested can be quite perplexing. While it’s crucial to acknowledge that every girl is unique and may show interest differently, there are certain indicators that can help you determine if she’s not into you. We’ve put together a comprehensive list of these signs, enriched with expert advice from dating coaches and psychologists. Continue reading to discover all the essential details!
Indicators She’s Not Interested
- Her body language appears guarded or stiff.
- She avoids making eye contact with you.
- She steers clear of physical contact.
- She doesn’t respond with smiles or laughter to your humor.
- She dodges opportunities to spend time alone with you.
- Her replies to your conversations are brief and uninterested.
- She doesn’t include you in her social circle or introduce you to loved ones.
Steps to Take
12 Indicators She’s Not Interested in You
Her body language appears guarded. “Typically, a girl will stand closer to you and exhibit more relaxed body language if she feels at ease around you, such as having relaxed shoulders and not crossing her arms,” explains marriage and family therapist Elvina Lui. If she’s doing the opposite of these behaviors and seems distant rather than open, it might indicate she’s not interested. Here are some specific body language cues to watch for:
- She leans away when you attempt to move closer
- She frequently turns her head away from you
- She places objects like a chair, table, or bag between you as a barrier
- She rarely smiles during your interactions
- She appears fidgety or tense
- Her facial expression seems bored or uninterested
- What to do if you notice this: Step back and give her space. Her guarded body language may signal discomfort, and it’s important not to overwhelm her or make her uneasy.
She avoids eye contact with you. Eye contact can feel intimate, so some girls might look away or down due to shyness. However, if her eyes constantly dart around while you’re talking, as if she’s searching for an exit or her friends, it could mean she’s not engaged in the conversation. In such cases, it’s best to politely excuse yourself.
- What to do if you notice this: If it happens occasionally, it might not mean she dislikes you—she could just be having an off day. But if she consistently avoids your gaze, she’s likely not interested, and it’s best to stop pursuing her.
She actively avoids physical contact. When a girl is interested, she might initiate casual touches like touching your arm, holding your hand, or playfully nudging you, says dating coach John Keegan. These gestures often signal attraction. Conversely, if she avoids touching you, it could mean she’s not interested.
- For instance, she might step back when you try to hug her, shift away to avoid physical contact while sitting together, or keep her distance while walking to prevent accidental touches.
- What to do if you notice this: Respect her physical boundaries and avoid initiating contact. She may not be comfortable with physical affection, or it could indicate disinterest. Let her take the lead if she wants to engage physically.
She doesn’t smile or laugh at your jokes. Even if a joke isn’t particularly funny, a girl who likes you will often laugh to show interest. Research highlights humor as a key factor in attraction, and a positive response to jokes is often seen as a good sign in dating. If your jokes consistently fail to elicit a smile or laugh, it might indicate a lack of connection.
- What to do if you notice this: If she doesn’t laugh once, it could be due to a bad day or a poorly delivered joke. However, if your humor consistently falls flat, it might be time to reconsider your approach or move on.
Your “dates” consistently turn into group outings. If you invite her to the movies and she arrives with three friends, it might be a misunderstanding. However, if this occurs every time you ask her out, she might be bringing friends to dilute the romantic atmosphere and avoid one-on-one time with you. Essentially, this could be her way of signaling that she only sees you as a friend.
- What to do if you notice this: The next time you invite her out, explicitly state that it’s a one-on-one date. While this direct approach can be intimidating, it will clarify her intentions. If she declines, you can begin moving on.
She only reaches out when she needs something. If she only contacts you for help with a project or a ride but never makes time to chat or hang out otherwise, she likely isn’t interested in you romantically. She may view you as a reliable friend or even take advantage of your kindness, especially if she doesn’t express gratitude or reciprocate your efforts.
- What to do if you notice this: You have two options: either distance yourself and stop agreeing to her requests, or have an honest conversation about how this dynamic affects you. Regardless, it’s crucial to stop overextending yourself if the relationship feels one-sided.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 1644 Mytour readers, and 52% agreed that the biggest red flag of being used is feeling like she’s with you for your money. [Take Poll]
She refers to you as “like a brother.” While this indicates closeness and genuine affection, it’s unlikely she sees you as more than a friend. Comparing someone to a sibling effectively removes any romantic potential, and she probably wouldn’t say this if she were open to a relationship with you.
- What to do if you notice this: Romance is likely off the table, but being described this way means she values your presence. While you may not be compatible as partners, you can still maintain a strong friendship.
She doesn’t inquire about your life. Notice how often she asks about you versus how much she talks about herself. If she dominates conversations with her own life and issues without showing interest in yours, it’s a sign she’s not into you.
- If she seems disengaged when you speak, this is another red flag.
- Dating coach Eddy Baller notes that a girl who likes you will listen attentively and show genuine interest in your words, avoiding signs of boredom.
- “You can see this in their facial expressions and body language,” Baller explains. “They won’t appear eager to leave and will maintain focused eye contact.”
- What to do if you notice this: Share a recent story about yourself. If she doesn’t engage, ask follow-up questions, or immediately shifts the conversation back to herself, it’s best to stop pursuing her romantically.
She doesn’t keep the conversation flowing. If her responses are consistently short and dry, whether over text or in person, it’s not a positive sign. When someone is interested, they typically provide open-ended replies and ask personal questions to deepen the conversation. If she responds with one-word answers and avoids follow-ups, she’s likely not romantically interested.
- For instance, if you ask about her day and she simply says “Good” without reciprocating, she’s probably not interested.
- What to do if you notice this: This is a clear indicator of disinterest, so it’s best to step back and stop flirting with her.
She avoids spending time with you. If she always claims to be busy when you suggest hanging out or frequently cancels plans without proposing to reschedule, these are strong indicators that she’s not interested. While some people genuinely have packed schedules, someone who likes you romantically would likely make an effort to see you.
- What to do if you notice this: Have an open conversation with her. If she’s truly busy, you can discuss finding a time that works for both of you. If she admits she doesn’t want to spend time together, it may hurt, but it will clarify her feelings.
She doesn’t introduce you to her friends or family. When a girl is developing romantic feelings, she typically wants to integrate you into her world by introducing you to her friends and family. If she never invites you to meet them or join her social circle, it may indicate she doesn’t see a future with you.
- What to do if you notice this: While some people have strained family relationships, making introductions less likely, if she keeps her entire personal life separate from you, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
The relationship feels purely physical, not emotional. If she’s interested in physical intimacy but avoids going on real dates or discussing feelings, you might be in a friends-with-benefits or situationship. She may be physically attracted but not romantically interested.
- What to do if you notice this: Discuss your feelings openly. She might assume you’re only interested in something casual. If she confirms she only wants a physical relationship, decide if that aligns with your needs or if it’s time to move on.
How to Handle Rejection
Consider whether you can remain friends. If she clearly states she only wants friendship, evaluate if you’re comfortable with that role. If staying close while she dates others would be too painful, it’s okay to step back. However, if you can set aside romantic feelings, embrace the friendship and appreciate having her in your life.
- Avoid staying in the friendship hoping she’ll change her mind. This isn’t fair to either of you and can lead to unhappiness.
- “You end up being inauthentic and disingenuous. You become Mr. Nice Guy, who isn’t truly nice because he’s pretending to be nice to get something. He’s not being himself, and it often leads to disaster,” explains Keegan.
- Additionally, focusing all your energy on her might cause you to miss opportunities with others who are genuinely interested in you.
Respect her space and avoid trying to change her mind. While you might feel tempted to ask for explanations, convince her she’s mistaken, or involve her friends in advocating for you, pursuing her when she’s uninterested can lead to frustration or even discomfort for her. It’s crucial to accept her decision gracefully and honor any boundaries she establishes.
- You don’t have to cut her off or act cold—simply step back and treat her more like a casual acquaintance.
Accept the situation and move forward. Just as you can’t control your feelings for her, she can’t force herself to feel the same way. While rejection is painful, it’s not the end of the world. It’s natural to feel hurt, but remember, there are plenty of other people out there, and you’ll likely meet someone new soon. Here are some tips to help you cope with rejection:
- Clinical psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz advises reminding yourself that rejection doesn’t define your worth. “It doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or inadequate—it simply means the two of you weren’t a good match,” she explains.
- If you’re finding it hard to move on, Dr. Schewitz suggests focusing on the reasons why you’re incompatible. Write a list of these points and revisit it whenever you’re feeling low.
- Be gentle with yourself during this time. Use positive affirmations to reinforce your self-worth, seek support from loved ones, or treat yourself to something enjoyable—like your favorite meal or a comforting movie.
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If you feel like you’ve been “friend-zoned,” try not to take it personally. She isn’t trying to hurt you or make you feel embarrassed—she simply doesn’t share the same feelings, and that’s okay!
