How long should you wait before texting your ex-girlfriend?

Reaching out to your ex could help you let go and move on, or it might open up the possibility of reconciliation – but how should you get in touch with her? The key to texting an ex is allowing enough time for both of you (and especially you) to heal emotionally after the breakup. In this article, we’ll guide you on when you might be ready to reconnect and how to craft your message! Keep reading to find out how long to wait before texting your ex-girlfriend.

In the case of a normal breakup, you should wait at least 30 days before texting your ex-girlfriend. According to the common no contact rule, 30 days is enough time for both of you to cool off and process your emotions in a healthier way. Moreover, by setting boundaries and giving her some space, she will begin to remember the good moments when you were together.

• Sometimes, you may accidentally run into your ex, like if you share the same class or work in the same place. In such cases, avoid long and emotional conversations.
• If you see your ex during the no-contact period, don’t act cold or avoid them. Greet them in a friendly manner and remember to keep the conversation brief and lighthearted.

After a tumultuous breakup, wait 6 weeks before texting. You and your ex-girlfriend may need extra time to process your emotions after a long relationship and a more difficult breakup. However, for most couples, the no-contact period won’t exceed 45 days unless you and your ex agreed to it – otherwise, she may move on sooner than you expect.

• Use this time to heal and practice self-love. No matter what led to the breakup, don’t punish yourself. Instead, focus on mindfulness and reflection to understand your emotions.

Delay texting until her birthday or the next holiday after the no-contact period. Find a special occasion or the next holiday after your no-contact period to text your ex-girlfriend. Her birthday is a perfect excuse to send a “I miss you” message, but you can also do this on any holiday she enjoys.

• This approach works best if the breakup was amicable. A cheerful “Happy Birthday!” might feel out of place if your last interaction was a huge argument.

Wait 4-6 weeks after the breakup for your ex to text first. If you’re unsure whether your ex-girlfriend wants to hear from you, you can wait for her to message you first. This way, you can be sure that she’s ready to talk. Of course, this isn’t a perfect solution – if she’s also hesitant, you should take the initiative to text her after the no-contact period.

• Even if you decide to give her the chance to text first, remember to keep track of how much time has passed. If several months have gone by, it’s time to muster the courage and text her first.

You shouldn’t text her right after the breakup. Heartbreak can leave anyone feeling sad and confused, but pushing to talk to your ex immediately after the breakup will only make things more complicated. The amount of time you need to process emotions depends on the individuals involved, but almost everyone needs at least a few days to think before having a productive conversation with an ex.

When your ex starts dating someone else, it may be time to let go. You might be tempted to reach out to your ex when you hear that she has a new boyfriend, but doing so will not help either of you. Instead, you can use the fact that she has moved on as motivation to let go and move forward. Healing will come easier once you accept that the relationship has ended.

• Exes can remain friends, but things can become awkward if she has a new partner. Either reach out before she begins dating or wait until her new relationship is more stable before texting.

Avoid texting after 8 PM as it can send confusing signals. Your ex might assume you're only seeking physical intimacy if you text her late at night. The ideal time to reach out is during the early evening—after work but before 8 PM. If you do text later, be sure to make your intentions clear and start the conversation with a friendly tone to avoid giving the wrong impression.

• Send a light, simple message like “How’s your day?” or “How have you been?”
• The context of your message can also indicate that you have no ulterior motives. You might explain that you just finished dinner or returned home from a night out and saw something that reminded you of her.

If you’ve just come out of a toxic relationship, it’s likely best to cut contact permanently. Time often helps us forget the bad aspects of a relationship, focusing only on the good moments. However, if the relationship was unhealthy, you have no obligation to reconnect with your ex. You have the right to move on and seek a happier, healthier relationship in the future!

• For example, if your ex was controlling or emotionally manipulative, it’s best to leave that relationship behind.
• If you decide not to reconnect or remain friends, consider blocking her number to avoid further complications.

Both of you have let go of your anger. The purpose of texting should be to reconnect, not to throw insults. You and your ex need to process your emotions first. If you can assess your feelings and realize you're no longer angry or resentful, it might be the right time to text her.

• It's hard to tell how someone feels through text, so be attentive to the signs your ex might give.
• If she responds and seems willing to engage, continue the conversation. If she asks for space and requests that you don’t text her for a while, respect her wishes – she may still need time to heal.

You don't feel lonely or hopeless. It's common to start thinking about an ex and wonder if they think about you too, but the best way to grab her attention is simply by living your life. Reach out when you feel ready to establish healthy boundaries and when you're confident that you want her in your life, not just to please her. If you need to momentarily forget about your ex, there are plenty of things you can do!

• Engage in physical activities like hiking, swimming, or team sports.
• Spend time with your friends and family. A strong support system is a great remedy for heartbreak!
• Take a trip, if possible—even a weekend getaway or a cheap road trip. Changing your scenery can be incredibly refreshing.

You have a valid reason to reach out to her. Before reconnecting with your ex, take time to reflect on why you want to message her. It's important to ensure you're not texting just on a whim! Ask yourself these key questions to prepare for the right moment to contact her:

• How will you start the conversation?
• What do you hope to gain from texting her?
• Is there something your ex might want, or are you doing this solely for your benefit?
• Could this potentially make your relationship worse?

You're ready to apologize. If you've made mistakes during the breakup or did something that caused your ex to end things, it might be time to apologize. A sincere apology involves: acknowledging your mistakes, recognizing the other person's feelings, and explaining how you plan to fix things.

• "I'm sorry I wasn't open with you while we were dating. I know you felt lonely, and I regret not expressing myself more. Since we broke up, I've been talking to a therapist about my issues and have figured out how to address them."

You want to close the past. Sometimes, messaging an ex isn't about getting back together. You might regret how things ended, and clarifying things could be a crucial step in moving on. Send a message when you're ready to be completely honest, share your feelings, and listen to hers.

• The best way to wrap things up is to have a phone call or meet in person. You can text to initiate the conversation, but save the deeper thoughts for face-to-face communication!

You've been apart for 30 days and want to get back together. The ideal time to reconnect with your ex is right after a period of no contact. You'll know you're truly ready to reach out about rekindling your relationship when you've identified what went wrong and what you can do moving forward to address those issues.

• Remember that the best way to discuss getting back together is in person. You can text her to suggest a coffee or a walk in the park to talk things through.