How to Accept Loneliness

You might be surprised to learn that 40% of the US population admits to feeling lonely. Loneliness can affect our mental, emotional, and physical health by weakening the immune system, increasing the risk of depression and anxiety, and distorting perception. You may feel isolated when living in a small town and unable to find peers. Sometimes, loneliness stems from life changes: moving to a new city, starting a new job, or transferring to a new school. During major transitions, loneliness can creep in. Whether it lasts for a short or long period, there are numerous ways to improve your life and overcome feelings of loneliness.

Embracing loneliness is not about accepting a fact, it's just a feeling. Loneliness can trigger feelings of abandonment, hopelessness, or isolation. Recognize when these emotions are triggered and remember that what you feel isn't necessarily the reality. You don't have to feel lonely.

• Emotions can shift quickly depending on the situation and your mindset. You might feel lonely for a moment, only to realize you’d rather be alone than with others, or you might receive a call from a friend and no longer feel lonely.

Acknowledge Your Feelings. Don't ignore your emotions; they can be important signals about what's happening in your life. Just like any other feeling, you're allowed to feel loneliness. Pay attention to your emotions when loneliness arises. Allow yourself to feel the connection between your body and your emotions, and give yourself permission to cry.

• Don't instinctively run away from loneliness. Many people try to distract themselves from loneliness by turning on the TV, working, doing projects, or engaging in other activities to avoid the pain of being alone. Instead, you should acknowledge your feelings (and your coping mechanisms) and decide to accept your body and emotions.

Change Your Attitude. When thoughts like "I'm lonely" or "I feel isolated" pop into your head, they are likely accompanied by other negative thoughts. We can easily get caught in negative thinking about things like questioning our self-worth, feeling valueless, or being mentally and physically exhausted. Before falling into this rabbit hole, consider changing your attitude. Instead of labeling the feeling as "lonely," embrace the thought of loneliness. See the opportunity to experience solitude as a peaceful moment of self-renewal. When you learn to love being alone, you gain control over your time spent by yourself.

• Take time to get to know yourself: journal, meditate, and read your favorite books.
• Sometimes being alone is inevitable, like when you move to a new city or country. Embrace the feeling of loneliness and understand that it won’t last forever. Cherish the time to explore new experiences.

Practice Compassion. Recognize that loneliness is an experience everyone faces to some extent. It is a part of being human. Imagine a friend tells you they feel lonely. How would you respond? Try practicing compassion towards yourself. Allow yourself to reach out to others and ask for support.

• Loneliness isn’t something to be ashamed of; it’s a part of all our lives, and you don’t need to feel bad when you experience it. Show compassion to yourself and those around you who are feeling lonely.

Ask What’s Missing in Life. Loneliness can be a tool to help you recognize what might be lacking in your life. You might be surrounded by people, attending social events, and still feel lonely. Loneliness isn’t necessarily about lacking social interaction but about missing meaningful connections. Take time to reflect on what you want in your life.

• Write down the times you feel most lonely. Perhaps you feel loneliest at large social events or when you're home alone. Then, think about what could reduce this loneliness – maybe bringing a friend to the event or calling your sister to watch TV together when you're at home alone. Look for practical solutions (don’t assume that having a partner is the only solution to loneliness).

Overcome Shyness and Insecurity. Remember that no one is born a natural communicator – it’s a skill, not a superpower. Shyness/insecurity arises when you lack confidence or fear expressing yourself in front of others. Thinking that you're unlikable or weird doesn’t change reality – it’s just your perspective. When you feel socially insecure, focus on the outside world rather than your own thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to the person you’re speaking with and make an effort to listen and understand them, rather than focusing on yourself.

• Remember, everyone makes communication mistakes!
• People are less likely to notice your mistakes than you think – most are too focused on themselves and dealing with their own social anxieties to pay attention to your insecurities!
• For more information, check out the article How to Overcome Shyness.

Conquering the Fear of Rejection. Sometimes, you might feel safer avoiding social situations rather than facing the possibility of rejection. This fear stems from a lack of trust in others. Perhaps you’ve been betrayed in the past, and now you fear trusting anyone or making new friends. While this is a painful experience, remember not all friendships end in betrayal. Keep pushing forward!

• Not all rejections mean they dislike you. Many people are distracted or simply don’t realize you’re trying to connect with them.
• Remember, you don’t like everyone you meet, and not everyone will like you – that’s perfectly normal.

Develop Communication Skills. You may feel lonely because you're not confident in your communication skills. Practice engaging with others, like smiling at people, offering compliments, or striking up conversations with people you interact with daily (grocery store clerks, baristas, colleagues).

• If you find yourself in a new situation, approach someone and start a conversation. Ask, "I’ve never been here before, how about you? What’s it like?" The person may help you, or you’ll feel more comfortable trying something new together.
• Remember to communicate openly with body language. Slouched posture, looking down, avoiding eye contact, or crossing your arms can make you seem unapproachable. Instead, smile, keep an open posture (avoid crossing your legs or arms), sit up straight, and face the person you're talking to.
• Find genuine compliments to earn trust. Don’t just compliment someone’s appearance ("I like your sweater"), but say things like, "You always take the time to match your accessories." If you know the person well, compliment their kindness and intelligence.
• Learn more about improving communication skills from online resources.

Become a Good Listener. Interacting with others isn’t just about speaking appropriately. Hone your listening skills by fully focusing on the person talking. Don’t try to plan the perfect response or wait for your turn to speak; this means you’re focusing on yourself, not the speaker. Instead, encourage the other person to share and show genuine interest in hearing their story.

• Use non-verbal cues to enhance listening, like nodding, making eye contact, and offering small responses such as "I see" or "I get it."
• Check out tips for developing listening skills in the article How to Become a Better Listener.

Meet People in Your Community. Find individuals who share your interests or who might be compatible with you. Ask questions to learn more about them (ask about their family, pets, hobbies, etc.), and make sure they are also interested in getting to know you.

• Meet people by volunteering. If you love animals, volunteer at a shelter or animal rescue. You’ll only meet fellow animal lovers, and instantly have something in common to bond over.
• Look for groups with similar interests in your area. If you enjoy knitting, there are likely others around you who share that interest. Try finding a small online group and join them.
• Want to learn more ways to meet people? Check out the article How to Make Friends.

Choose Good Friends. It's essential to have strong friendships where you live. Friendships improve mood, reduce stress, and offer lifelong support. Look for people you can trust, those who are loyal and encouraging. Make sure you embody these qualities as well—be trustworthy, loyal, and supportive to your friends in life.

• Be yourself. If you can’t be "yourself" around your friends, they might not be your true friends. Real friends will appreciate you. If you struggle to connect or feel like you’re forcing yourself too hard, consider finding new friends.
• Practice being the kind of friend you wish to have. Think about the qualities you want in a friend, and reflect those qualities in your interactions with others.

Adopt a Pet. Adopting a dog or cat (or another animal) from a rescue shelter can have great benefits for your health, especially in terms of companionship. Pet owners often experience less depression, manage stress better, and tend to have lower anxiety.

• Visit your local animal shelter and help train abandoned dogs or cats. If possible, consider adopting a dog yourself.
• Of course, adopting a dog comes with a big responsibility. Ensure that you can adjust your schedule to provide a loving and fulfilling life for your pet.

Seek Treatment. Sometimes, the pain of loneliness can be overwhelming, and it might be hard to overcome it on your own. A therapist can help you deal with social anxiety, explore feelings of betrayal and mistrust from the past, enhance communication skills, and support you as you move forward in life. Consulting with a therapist could be the first step towards a stronger commitment to the life you want.

• You can find articles online about how to choose a therapist.

• Check out the activities at your local library or community center. They often have various activities, talks, and events you can attend.
• Pay attention to people who have experienced loss or grief. Write them a note, then invite them out to eat and offer to listen to their story. Truly listen — avoid talking about yourself.
• Greet people with a friendly smile or say something kind to: toll booth workers, grocery store clerks, parking attendants. If time allows, you can ask them a few questions or have a chat with them.

• Avoid spending too much time online. Although it might feel like you’re connecting with real people, it’s actually a distant experience. These individuals aren’t physically present with you, and you can’t interact with them in the same way you would in a face-to-face relationship. While making friends online is possible, don’t let it interfere with your real-life interactions.