How to Accept Yourself as a Quiet and Reserved Person

For some reason, many people perceive being quiet and reserved as a negative trait. In fact, if this is part of your personality, it can be a good quality, or at the very least, not a bad one. In reality, a calm and reserved nature can bring about many benefits. Additionally, there are several ways you can work on accepting yourself as a quiet and reserved person.

Create a list of positive aspects. Although society often favors extroverted personalities and communication, this doesn’t mean that you lack value. Take note of the positive impacts your quiet and reserved nature has.

• You may be an excellent listener.
• You act with care and wisdom.
• You have great observational skills when it comes to situations and people.
• You may be seen as humble.
• You might be considered deep and thoughtful.
• Can you think of other positive aspects of being quiet and reserved?

Start Journaling. If you find it difficult to list the positive traits of being quiet and reserved, begin by recording examples of how this personality has benefited you. You may notice that memories tend to focus on the negatives, but this method can help you find the positives about your nature.

• If you have a smartphone, you can jot down a few notes and later convert them to text, or simply write them in a journal.
• If you don’t have a phone that allows note-taking while you're out, it’s a good idea to carry paper and a pen to write down your thoughts before you forget the events of the day.

Read About Your Personality. Research has been done on the power of being quiet and reserved. Many resources can provide you with new and powerful perspectives on yourself, such as:

• Try reading *Quiet* by Susan Cain: http://www.npr.org/books/titles/145928609/quiet-the-power-of-introverts-in-a-world-that-cant-stop-talking
• Explore the evolutionary logic behind your personality. In some contexts, quiet individuals may have advantages over extroverts, especially when extroversion is linked to risks (e.g., in environments where disease transmission is a concern due to frequent social interaction).
• In other words, there is no “best” personality type from the perspective of success or survival; it all depends on a variety of complex factors, such as each person’s circumstances: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/26/opinion/sunday/26shyness.html

Strive to Be Comfortable with Who You Are. Once you recognize that being quiet and reserved also has many benefits, work on accepting your true self. Self-acceptance is a positive trait in itself. Moreover, feeling happy with who you are is the most important thing. In fact, many people believe that the comfort of being yourself is more important than adopting the persona of someone else. Here are some tips you can apply to feel more at ease with being yourself:

• List your strengths.
• Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Remember, you can learn from your errors, but don’t let them hold you back in life.
• Be kind to yourself, and remember that perfection isn’t a human trait; you will have flaws and make mistakes just like everyone else, and that’s perfectly fine!

Learn About Successful Introverts. Many quiet and reserved individuals have found success in their own unique ways. Reflect on these individuals:

• Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft.
• J.K. Rowling, author of the *Harry Potter* series.
• Albert Einstein, one of the greatest physicists of all time.
• Rosa Parks, famous civil rights activist.

Think about the people you know. Ask yourself if you know anyone who shares your personality traits. Once you have an idea, you can try to get to know them better. It's easier to recognize your own personality when you're surrounded by people who are similar to you.

• You may find more common ground with people who are introverted and reserved like you, rather than with extroverted individuals who enjoy socializing and engaging with others.

Find a group of like-minded individuals. You can use the website http://shy.meetup.com/ to find other introverted and reserved people to connect with.

• If there are no upcoming events in your area, you could consider organizing one yourself!

Join online forums. You'll find that interacting with others who share similar traits can help you accept yourself for who you are. When you realize there are many others in society like you, you'll understand that your personality is perfectly normal, and there's no need to feel ashamed.

• Try searching for the keyword “forums for shy people” to discover relevant online communities.

Create a support group. If you're struggling to accept yourself, consider starting a support group and invite like-minded individuals to join.

• You'll need to decide on some key details for your group. Think about where and when you'll meet, and what to call the group.
• You'll also need to promote your group. You can recruit members through online forums or by posting flyers at bus stops around the city.

Find a mental health professional. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, accepting yourself can feel impossible. This is completely natural and normal; you can receive help by consulting a mental health professional such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, licensed social worker, licensed counselor, or marriage and family therapist, all of whom can assist in resolving your issues.

• You can use the website: http://locator.apa.org/ to find a psychologist.
• To find a mental health professional, try searching for LPC + your area code or LCSW + your city name online.

Consult your family doctor. It's possible that you suffer from severe social anxiety. In this case, you might want to ask your doctor about trying anxiety medication.

• You may have social anxiety disorder if social interactions cause you significant distress, fear, or embarrassment because you feel like others are negatively judging you.

Make a list of your symptoms. If you decide to explore medication and mental health support, there are a few steps you can take to make the consultation more effective. Start by recording your symptoms and the situations in which they occur.

• It's better to provide more information than too little. This will allow your doctor to assess which details are crucial and which are less relevant.

Prepare a list of questions. You might have many questions, and of course, you want your doctor's appointment to be as productive as possible. To achieve this, come prepared with a list of questions for your doctor. Some questions could include:

• Ask about all the types of medication available.
• Ask about the benefits and risks of the medication.
• Ask about alternatives to medication, such as lifestyle changes.
• Ask about the potential side effects of the medication.
• Ask about the underlying causes that may contribute to your social anxiety.