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Do you find it challenging to admit your mistakes? After making a mistake, do you learn from it or fall into the same patterns again? Admitting mistakes can seem like a daunting task, especially if you come from a family that values perfectionism and believes that an "excellent" person is someone who "never makes mistakes." However, making mistakes does not necessarily mean failure; failure is the result of conscious effort that doesn’t succeed, while mistakes are often unintentional. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to feel more at ease with admitting your mistakes, as well as techniques to turn mistakes into advantages.
Steps
Admit Mistakes
Allow yourself to make mistakes. There are many reasons why you should allow yourself to make mistakes. Errors are unavoidable and part of being human. They are also a valuable resource that enriches your life, helping you discover new things and broaden your horizons.
- For example, if you want to learn cooking, start by telling yourself, "This cooking is entirely new to me; I might make some mistakes along the way. That’s okay, it's part of the process."
- Sometimes, the fear of making mistakes — one of the traits of perfectionism — can prevent you from trying new things or finishing a project because you’re worried about not doing well, which causes you to procrastinate. Don’t let this happen.
Recognize the power of habits. Sometimes, the lack of effort and determination is the cause of mistakes. We can't give our full effort every day in every aspect of life. Routine tasks, like driving to work or making breakfast, can become habits without us realizing it. This is actually helpful, as it allows us to conserve energy for tasks that require more focus. However, the strength of habits can sometimes lead to mistakes. Understand that this is part of being human with limited energy and focus.
- For example, you drive the same route to work every day, five days a week. On the weekend, you need to drive your child to soccer practice, but suddenly realize that you've developed the habit of "driving on autopilot" and ended up at your office instead of the soccer field. This is a natural mistake, a result of habit. Blaming yourself for this error is unproductive. Instead, you need to recognize the carelessness and change it.
- Studies show that you can correct this autopilot driving error, even without consciously realizing it. Research conducted with skilled typists showed that when you make a typing mistake, your typing speed slows down, even though you're not aware of it happening.
- Research also indicates that around 47% of the time, we fall into a state of "mind-wandering," or letting our minds drift away from the task at hand. These moments are when you're most likely to make mistakes. If you've been making mistakes lately due to "mind-wandering," try mindfulness exercises to regain your focus on the present moment.
Distinguish between mistakes and errors caused by inaction. Not all mistakes are a result of the efforts you put in. Sometimes, mistakes happen because of your failure to act. The law often differentiates between the act of committing a wrong (performing an action that shouldn’t be done) and the error caused by inaction (failing to do something you should have). Errors of action are generally considered more serious, while errors of inaction are more common.
- However, errors of inaction can still have consequences in your life. For example, if a company fails to keep up with the pace of modern technology, the financial situation of the company will suffer in the future.
- The important thing is to understand both types of mistakes because you can learn from both. Some people try to avoid making mistakes by adopting the mindset of doing less, making fewer mistakes, and avoiding responsibility, but this approach leads to errors of inaction, which is not a healthy way to grow and improve.
Distinguish between making a mistake and making a poor decision. You need to clearly understand the difference between a mistake and a poor decision. A mistake happens when you make a simple error, like misreading a map and getting lost. A poor decision, on the other hand, is made through a more deliberate action, such as taking time to sightsee and arriving late to an appointment, inconveniencing others. Mistakes are generally more forgivable, and fixing them is less critical. You should view poor decisions similarly to mistakes, but you need to pay more attention to them and focus on correcting them.
Focus on your strengths. Avoid letting yourself get bogged down by mistakes. Try to balance self-criticism with recognition of what you’ve done well. It's important to celebrate what you've done right and what is improving. You won’t make progress if you don’t appreciate the achievements resulting from your own efforts.
- Perhaps cooking is a new field for you, but you might be very skilled in another area. Maybe you can instantly identify what a dish is missing in terms of flavor after tasting it. Recognize this strength in yourself.
See mistakes as an opportunity. The brain has a mechanism that helps us detect when we’ve done something wrong. When we make a mistake, the brain sends out a signal. This mechanism is incredibly useful for the learning process. Making mistakes can help us focus more intently on what we’re doing to try to do better.
- Research has shown that professionals, like doctors, may not be able to fix mistakes because they’re too confident in their own judgment. Keep an open mind toward mistakes and view them as an opportunity to grow, even if you're already highly skilled in a particular area.
Understanding how long it takes to become an expert in a field. Research indicates that it can take up to 10 years to fully experience the skills and make enough mistakes to truly excel in a field. This is true for everyone, from a composer like Mozart to a basketball player like Kobe Bryant. Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't succeed right away, as this is completely normal. Achieving greatness in any field requires persistent effort over a long period of time.
Changing decisions like conducting an experiment. The issue with not allowing yourself to make mistakes is the belief that you must always make the perfect decision in every situation. Instead of striving for this unrealistic goal, try changing decisions as if you're conducting experiments. Naturally, an experiment might yield either good or bad results, but it helps to reduce pressure.
- For example, in cooking, approach the steps with an experimental mindset. Avoid expecting a perfect dish. Rather, treat it as an opportunity to experiment and learn throughout the cooking process. This helps you avoid blaming yourself for mistakes, which you will inevitably make at some point.
Understanding how the brain processes and responds to mistakes. The brain contains neurons that help you observe your own behavior, enabling you to recognize mistakes and learn from them. However, it also struggles with accepting that it has made an error. The brain often adjusts thoughts in a positive direction to avoid admitting the mistake. This is why you may find it difficult to recognize and admit your mistakes. Understanding how the brain processes and handles mistakes can increase your awareness of certain personal experiences.
- The brain reacts to mistakes in two ways: problem-solving (“Why did this happen? How can I avoid making the same mistake again?”) and closure (“I’ll just ignore this mistake”). The problem-solving approach helps you learn from your mistakes and correct them moving forward. This approach is common among people who believe human understanding is limitless and that everyone has the ability to grow. The closure approach is often seen in those who believe their knowledge is limited: you are either good or bad at something, and that's the extent of it. This mindset prevents growth and learning.
Understanding how society views mistakes. We live in a society where everyone is afraid of making mistakes. From the moment we are born, we are advised to make as few mistakes as possible. Those who want to succeed must hold this belief dear. In school, you must study hard to earn a scholarship for university. In college, you need excellent grades to graduate with a high GPA to feel proud. There seems to be no room for mistakes. Therefore, if you struggle to admit your mistakes at first, be kind to yourself because not all mistakes are your fault. You’ve probably always been strict with yourself.
- Remind yourself that the belief that one should never make mistakes is blind. Making mistakes is the only way we learn. If you haven’t made (many) mistakes, it's because you've already mastered something. If you want to learn and grow, mistakes are an essential part of the learning process.
- Remind yourself that perfectionism only leads you and others to unrealistic standards. Making mistakes doesn’t mean you’re a “failure” or that all your efforts are in vain. Lower your standards and allow yourself to make mistakes – this is a more effective way to achieve excellence.
Learn from Mistakes
Correcting mistakes. Mistakes can offer valuable lessons, but only when you are sure they have been addressed. For example, if you used the wrong ingredient while cooking, make sure to ask your mother or someone knowledgeable about the right ingredient for the dish, so you can remember and apply it correctly in the future.
Keep a journal of mistakes and successes. It can be helpful to write down the mistakes you've made—what happened, when, and where. This practice will give you insights into patterns you might not have noticed at the time. Carry a small journal with you and jot down instances where you made errors. Review your entries during your free time and reflect on how you could have acted differently.
- For example, if you're trying a new recipe and it doesn’t turn out well, note how you messed it up. Later that evening, think about whether there was a different way you could have prepared the dish.
- It’s also important to track your successes. Monitoring your progress and celebrating your wins, no matter how small, can keep you motivated to keep learning, despite the mistakes along the way. Focusing only on the negative is not helpful.
Focus on the goal of "getting better" rather than "doing well". The goal of "doing well" can set unrealistic expectations, especially when you're just starting something new. If you set the goal to "do well", you're essentially betting on success as a means to prove your worth. In contrast, the goal of "getting better" is about progress. At this point, you don’t need to achieve perfection to feel good about yourself. Your goal is improvement, not perfection.
- For example, focusing on "getting better" might mean learning how different spices affect the flavor of food, whereas aiming to "do well" could mean striving to become a head chef right away.
Practice with intention. Time alone is not the only factor that helps you learn from your mistakes. It’s more effective when you move forward with a specific goal in mind. This is why it’s important to pinpoint where you went wrong and why. Understanding what went wrong and why will help you create a focused practice plan and improve your skills.
- For instance, if you're trying to master a basic cooking skill like boiling pasta, practice repeatedly until you can time it perfectly. It may take less time to make pasta to your preferred tenderness, but the more you practice, the better you’ll be at achieving your goal.
Seek help when needed. There’s no shame in asking for help when you’re not sure about something. Putting your ego aside and learning from someone more experienced is a great way to progress, especially when you're eager to get things done but don’t know how to proceed.
- For example, you might ask a chef at your favorite restaurant or a family member with more cooking experience if you’re unsure how to prepare a basic dish.
Believe in your abilities. Research shows that individuals who believe they can learn from their mistakes are actually better at doing so than others. Knowing that you can derive lessons from your errors is an essential step toward truly learning from them.
- After making a mistake, such as burning a dish, tell yourself: "I can learn from this. This experience is valuable. Now I know how to adjust the stove temperature lower."
Understand that a reason is not the same as an excuse. We are often told not to make excuses for our mistakes, but explaining the reason for a mistake is different from making an excuse. If your meal doesn’t turn out as expected, you might realize where you went wrong—maybe you didn’t follow the recipe properly or mistook sugar for salt. That’s a reason, not an excuse. Identifying the cause of your mistake helps you improve next time because it shows you where you went wrong. Other examples to consider:
- Being late to an event because you didn’t wake up on time.
- Failing a project because you didn’t ask for clarification at the start.
- Failing an exam because you didn’t study or prioritize your learning.
Give yourself time. Sometimes you can learn from a single mistake. However, that’s not always the case. To truly learn from mistakes, we often need to make them several times. It might be hard to grasp at first, so give yourself time to make the same mistake a few times before you start getting frustrated.
Advice
- Forgive yourself if you keep making the same mistake. It's completely normal to struggle in a particular area.
Warning
- Avoid thinking that you are immune to mistakes, no matter how skilled you are in a particular field. This mindset only makes it harder to cope with mistakes when they occur.
