Buzz
Coming to terms with the realization that you may have feelings for someone of the same gender can be disorienting, particularly if it’s your first experience with same-gender attraction. Give yourself the necessary time to truly understand what you're feeling before acting on it. Once you're confident that your emotions are genuine, take action. Begin by sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or family member to gain their support. Then, create a plan to express your feelings to your love interest and see where it leads!
Steps
Recognizing Your Emotions
Understand how to identify if your feelings are romantic. Romantic love is characterized by a deep affection for the other person, along with an intense desire to form a sexual/intimate connection. This goes beyond the usual bonds of friendship or companionship.
- For instance, romantic love means you enjoy being around the person, but you also experience physical attraction and arousal when you're with them.
- Romantic love goes beyond platonic friendship, which is a form of love that lacks romantic or sexual attraction.
Write about your emotions in a journal. Document your thoughts and feelings on paper to gain clarity on what you're experiencing. Revisit your journal entries after a few days to identify recurring themes or patterns.
- When writing, do you find yourself frequently mentioning this person? Do you feel jealous when they're with someone else? Are you concerned about your appearance or trying to impress them? Reflecting on these questions may help validate your emotions.
Look back on previous experiences. Many individuals who experience same-gender attraction report similar feelings from past relationships. Reflecting on your previous romantic or sexual experiences can help determine if your current emotions reflect a long-term orientation or if they are specific to one individual.
- If you've previously felt attracted to someone of the same gender, that could be a sign that your feelings now are more than just a one-time occurrence.
Give yourself time to see if these feelings persist. It might be tempting to act immediately when you realize you're attracted to someone, but it’s wise to wait. If these feelings are new, they might evolve. Hold off on expressing them until you’re certain about your emotions.
- For example, if you decide to wait two weeks before sharing your feelings and your attraction deepens during that time, you'll have a clearer confirmation that your feelings are genuine.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 634 Mytour readers who’ve confessed their feelings to a crush, and 54% of them said their main motivation was to explore the possibility of a romantic relationship. [Take Poll] Reflect on your relationship with the person you like and consider if you're ready for things to change before sharing your feelings.
Consult a counselor to gain deeper insight into your sexuality. If you're finding it challenging to accept your same-gender attraction or if you need extra support, seeking a professional counselor may be helpful. You can speak with a counselor at your school or find one in your community.
- A counselor can assist you in understanding your emotions better and offer guidance as you consider coming out to family and friends.
Mytour Quiz: Am I a Lesbian?
Curious if you might be attracted to girls? Whether your TikTok feed is filled with WLW (women-loving women) content or you don’t even know what that stands for but can’t help but notice how pretty the barista at your local coffee shop is… this quiz is for you.
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Have you ever experienced 'butterflies' when you're around a girl?
Confiding in a Friend or Family Member
Accept your sexuality before opening up to others. While some believe that coming out can relieve stress and create space for support, you should only share your truth when you feel truly ready. Coming out as gay, lesbian, pansexual, queer, bisexual, or identifying with another label can expose you to potential stigma or discrimination, so it's essential to be at peace with your identity before sharing it with others.
Seek emotional support from someone you trust first. Talk with a close friend or family member about your feelings. Ask for their support or advice on how to move forward.
- You might say, “I think I might have feelings for Andrea. This is new to me and I’m unsure how to proceed.”
- Be sure to confide in someone who is supportive and non-judgmental.
- If possible, reach out to a queer friend—they may offer helpful insight and understanding.
Ask for support when telling your parents. Many people feel more comfortable sharing their same-gender attraction with a friend, sibling, or trusted adult before telling their parents. If this resonates with you, consider asking someone you trust to accompany you when you tell your parents. They don’t need to say anything—they’re just there to provide moral support.
- You could ask a close friend, older sibling, or school counselor to be your ally when speaking to your parents.
- When you talk to your parents, communicate your feelings clearly, so they understand it's not just a "phase." Be ready for possible resistance from them.
- You might want to wait until you're absolutely sure of how you feel before sharing this with them.
Respond to questions at your own comfort level. Your friends or family may ask about your same-gender attraction, such as what triggered it or whether you were previously involved with someone of the opposite gender. They may also inquire how you know you're certain about your sexuality.
- Answer these questions as honestly as you feel comfortable, providing clarity. But, don’t hesitate to say "I don’t know" or "I’d prefer not to share."
- Your loved ones don’t need to know every detail of your journey toward discovering your same-gender attraction.
Don’t feel pressured to pick a side or label yourself immediately. Developing feelings for one person of the same gender doesn’t automatically define your sexual orientation. Take time to process your feelings and see if any other same-gender attractions develop before deciding if you're gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, pansexual, queer, or something else.
- If others pressure you to label yourself, simply say, “I’m still figuring things out.”
Expressing Your Feelings to Your Crush
Consider the person’s possible reaction. Before sharing your feelings, try to predict how they might respond. Reflect on your previous interactions with them to get a sense of whether they might be open to it.
- For instance, if the person often flirts with you, that's a sign they likely have feelings for you. You might also think about their past relationships: have they been involved with people of the same gender? Are they exploring their own sexuality?
Introduce the topic with a question. Sometimes it’s tricky to know if someone likes you, so you might want to start subtly. You can show interest in their sexuality and ask questions to see if they’re open to dating you.
- You could ask, “Have you ever considered dating girls/guys?” or “Have you ever felt attracted to someone of the same gender?”
- Their answer could be a great way to transition into telling them you like them.
Use humor if you're unsure how they'll react. A playful joke can be a gentle way to express your feelings. For example, you could say, “Too bad you’re straight, because I really like you!” or “I’d love to have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner like you!”
- Making a joke allows the person to back out if they’re not interested or if they need more time to process your feelings.
Have a direct, face-to-face conversation. Be straightforward and tell them you're attracted to them and want to explore a relationship. An in-person conversation helps you express yourself clearly.
- You might say, “I’m not sure how you’ll feel, but I wanted to tell you that I really like you. I think you're amazing and funny, and I’d love to get closer to you.”
- This approach may feel more personal than sending an email, letter, or text message, especially if you want to keep your feelings private.
Respect their response if they turn you down. If your crush isn’t interested, don’t take it personally. There are many reasons someone might reject you: they might be straight, they may not want a relationship right now, or they could be worried about damaging your friendship.
- To cope with rejection, try taking a few deep breaths. Then, let them know, “Thank you for being honest with me.”
- Although it may sting at first, you’ll feel better with time.
Take care of yourself. Whether your crush shared your feelings or not, you've just experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. It’s important to give yourself some TLC now. Write down the reasons you’re amazing, spend time with your closest friends, or treat yourself to a relaxing day at the spa or a fresh new wardrobe item.
Assistance with Discussing Same-Gender Attraction
Confessing Your Feelings to Someone of the Same Gender
Sharing Your Same-Gender Attraction with Friends or Family
