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"No contact with your ex!" might sound like tough advice, especially right after a breakup, but sometimes it is the best thing you can do at this moment. The no contact rule is exactly what its name suggests – no communication with your ex for a set period, usually 30 to 60 days. This rule can help you move on from a past relationship and embrace life again, or it can be used as a way to reconcile with your ex. Ignoring your ex is never easy, so we want to assist you with the following guidelines on how to effectively implement the no contact rule after a breakup.
Steps
What is the No Contact Rule?
The No Contact Rule involves a period during which you avoid interacting with your ex. This means no communication in any form – no meetings, no texting, no calls, no emails, and no messages on social media. The no contact rule is typically practiced for 30 to 60 days, and it is most effective if you have just ended a toxic relationship, gone through a rough breakup, or if you want to change yourself and possibly reconnect with your ex.
The no contact rule allows you to take time to heal and prioritize yourself. Relationships are not always smooth, and breakups can be especially painful. The best thing you can do after a breakup is to focus on yourself, particularly if you’ve been in a toxic relationship. The no contact rule helps you distance yourself from your ex to process your emotions and the relationship itself.
How to Implement the No Contact Rule
Let your ex know that you need space. Things will be easier if you inform your ex in advance. Whether you plan to apply the no contact rule to move on from your past relationship or to reconnect with your ex, you should let them know that you won’t be in touch for a while. Here are some ways you can say this:
- If you plan to get back with your ex: “I really care about you, but I need time to reflect on everything” or “I think we should take a break for a while. This will be good for both of us.”
- If you want to move on: “You were very important to me, but things are no longer the same. I need time to focus on myself” or “I hope we can be friends later, but right now I need some space.”
Cut off all communication channels with your ex. Stopping all interactions is the first step of the no contact rule. Don’t call or text your ex, don’t visit their social media pages, and don’t respond when they reach out. Severing all ties with someone you’ve been close to can be tough, but understand that this approach brings you closer to your goal.
- Ask your friends not to mention your ex in front of you. You probably don’t want to hear about them during this time.
Ignore for 30 days if you want to get back with your ex. A month of no contact is enough to make your ex start thinking about you. Perhaps you and your ex spent a lot of time together before the breakup, and you often talked on the phone or texted when apart. When you suddenly stop, your ex may realize how much they miss you. Here are some signs that your ex has changed and wants to get back with you after 30 days of no contact:
- They start expressing concern for you by texting or leaving messages in your voicemail.
- They apologize for hurting you.
- They show interest in reconciling, either through words or by surprising you with gifts.
Ignore your ex for at least 60 days if you want to close the chapter on your past relationship and move forward. Doubling the no contact period gives you extra breathing room. A breakup can leave you emotionally confused, but the no contact rule can help you forget about your ex. Stopping all communication with your ex allows you to process your feelings and reflect on your relationship.
- Your relationship with your ex may have become a habit, and you need to break it. It takes 21 days to break a habit, so a period three times that long will help you move on more easily.
Unfollow your ex on social media. Seeing your ex’s photos on social media will make the no contact rule harder to follow. Remove their images from your feed by muting or unfollowing them. That way, when scrolling through social media, you won’t have to worry about accidentally coming across your ex staring back at you.
- We know this step is difficult, but the no contact rule means stopping all forms of interaction across every platform. Remember, you’re doing this to heal your wounds.
Keep yourself busy to avoid thinking about your ex. Create a daily routine and stick to it to help you forget about them. You may not be used to life without someone you were once close to, but a packed schedule will leave you little time to think about contacting them. Wake up each morning, get ready for work or school, hang out with friends, and maintain your normal routine—don’t let old memories hold you back from moving forward!
- Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while or squeeze in an extra gym session into your schedule. Find ways to fill up the empty spaces in your daily routine.
- Pick up a new hobby or take on extra work. This will keep you busy and help you focus on the future instead of your ex.
Lean on those you trust for support. You don’t have to go through the process of cutting off contact with your ex all by yourself. Believe it or not, some of your loved ones may have been through similar situations. This is a tough time, but you’re not alone. Reach out to those you trust and care about, and don’t be afraid to enjoy yourself!
- Visit a relative you haven’t seen in years.
- Have lunch with a close friend or colleague.
- Attend a concert, go to an amusement park, or spend time having fun with family and friends.
Treat yourself. Take advantage of the no contact period to pamper yourself. You’ve been through a lot, and now you deserve some comfort! Buy that outfit you’ve had your eye on, go to the movies to see a great film, or treat yourself to a relaxing spa day. Do whatever makes you happy—this might be the time you start to forget about your ex.
Hang out with old and new friends. Socializing with others is a great way to pass the time and forget about your ex. The no contact rule requires effort and determination, so don’t let the end of a relationship cause you to shut yourself off from everyone! Call up an old friend for a chat or invite a new coworker out for lunch.
- Strengthening both old and new relationships can help you reassess your past relationship. Do you want to reconnect with your ex or are you ready to move on?
Try new hobbies and experiences. Take this opportunity to live life without your ex’s presence. If there’s something you’ve always wanted to try, now is the perfect time! Breakups often leave us in pain, partly because everything around us reminds us of our ex. Learning new skills and embarking on adventures can help you move on from your ex.
- Take a backpacking trip, book a solo vacation, or visit family for 30 to 60 days. A new environment will help you stop thinking about your ex, making the no contact period easier to follow.
- Sign up for painting or guitar lessons if you’ve always wanted to learn. Filling your time with a new hobby is also a way to resist the temptation of reaching out to your ex.
Exercise every day to boost your mood. Physical activities like exercising or walking outdoors help you feel happier. You’ll forget your troubles as you focus on moving your body.
- Exercising for at least 20 minutes a day is a great way to improve your overall health and ease your thoughts of your ex.
- You can choose any activity that you enjoy! Try walking, swimming, dancing, or yoga. The options are endless!
- Invite a friend to join you for a more enjoyable experience. This will help you improve your fitness and strengthen your friendships.
Reflect on your relationship. Ignore your ex, but don’t ignore your own feelings! You’re going through a lot, so use this time to reflect on your relationship. Getting up after a breakup isn’t easy, and the no contact rule can help you heal. If you’re looking to recover with the no contact rule, give yourself time to process your emotions. You might ask yourself the following questions:
- What do I regret about this relationship?
- What do I not regret about this relationship?
- What have I learned from this breakup?
Reach out to your ex after the no contact period if you’re ready. This step can help you decide whether to leave the past behind or reconnect with your ex. After 30-60 days of no contact, you might feel ready to reach out and start talking again. This can help you close a chapter, begin a friendship, or rekindle love. If you’re not ready, that’s okay! We all have our own pace, and sometimes reconnecting isn’t the best choice for everyone.
- Let them know your intentions early by saying you want to be friends or get back together. You might say, “Thank you for giving me time to think. I’d like to be friends if you’re open to it” or “I’ve had time to think about our relationship. I think we should give dating another chance.”
- Send a simple message to start a conversation, like “Hey” or “Did you hear about the event tomorrow?”
