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Being around someone who tends to dominate conversations can be draining. Although bringing it up might feel uncomfortable, the person may not be aware of their behavior and will likely appreciate the feedback. If you need to address their excessive talking, take a look at some of our useful suggestions below!
Steps to Take
Establish boundaries in advance.
This can be an effective way to prevent the issue from arising in the first place. You won’t always be able to do this, but if you're entering a meeting or starting a conversation with someone who tends to talk too much, it helps to set some basic rules upfront. For example, in a group setting, you could initiate the discussion by asking everyone to raise their hands before speaking and keep their responses concise.
- You might say, "I need to cover a lot today, so I’d like everyone to hold their questions until the end."
Start with subtle visual signals.
Ideally, they’ll catch on and wrap up the conversation by themselves. If the thought of confronting them directly feels uncomfortable, consider trying some preventative techniques. For example, if a talkative coworker or classmate approaches your desk and begins chatting, simply continue working. You can also clear your throat a few times, appear distracted, and check your watch repeatedly.
- If you're expecting them soon, try wearing headphones.
- If you're in an office, you might place a sign on your door that says 'Do not disturb,' 'On a call,' or 'In a meeting.'
Discuss the issue privately.
If you're in a group, avoid calling them out publicly. This conversation may be a bit awkward, so it’s best to speak with them one-on-one. Have a private conversation or set up a brief chat behind closed doors. Keep it casual so that the rest of the group doesn’t notice.
- You might say, 'Those are great points, Sondra, but let’s save that for later. We can talk after the meeting.'
- If you're having lunch with a group and one person is dominating the conversation, you could say, 'Sarah, let’s chat about that after we’re done eating since it’s just for us. Plus, I know you’re just as eager as I am to hear about Erika’s vacation!'
Interrupt as courteously as possible.
Try to interject at the end of a sentence instead of interrupting mid-thought. Even if the person is frustrating, cutting them off mid-sentence can come across as harsh. Wait until they finish a complete thought or sentence before jumping in. If needed, you can apologize for the interruption while still being assertive. For instance, you might say:
- "Excuse me, may I interrupt for a moment? There’s something I need to add."
- "Sorry to cut you off, but I’ve been noticing something recently that I want to share."
Tell them you need to wrap up the conversation.
This approach works if you're pressed for time. If you're in a rush or simply don't have the energy for an in-depth discussion, explain that you need to leave for a meeting or appointment. Make a quick exit but plan to address their over-talkativeness later. This is a temporary fix, but a practical one! You might say:
- "Sorry to cut you off, but I was just heading out the door. I’m in a hurry. Can we pick this up later?"
- "I’ve got a meeting in 5 minutes—let’s keep it brief so I don’t run late."
- "I only have a few minutes to spare; I was just about to leave."
Discuss the issue in a clear, straightforward manner.
Use a neutral tone and be specific so they understand your point. You want to handle this conversation only once, so get straight to the point. However, remember to stay polite. Keep your expression neutral and avoid getting emotional. For example, you could say:
- "Allie, during book club today, I didn’t get a chance to share my perspective because you talked over me."
- "Rich, your points at the meeting were great, but it took a while to get to them. I’m concerned your colleagues might have missed some important insights."
- "Phil, I love hearing from you, but I haven’t been able to speak since we started this call! I really wanted to tell you about my vacation to Borneo, which I think you would’ve loved."
If you have a close relationship, try using humor.
Flash a smile and speak softly so they understand it's all in good fun. Sometimes, talkative friends get carried away with excitement and go off on a tangent. We all have that one friend! Humor can be a subtle way to let them know they’re monopolizing the conversation. For example, you might say:
- "Hey, remember me? I’m still here!"
- "Easy there, bestie! Can I squeeze in a word at some point?"
- Give your watch a pointed glance and then say, "Time is still a thing, Jen. Remember it? Girl, let me talk! You’ll be shocked when I tell you what Tim did this weekend."
Recognize that they likely don’t mean to dominate the conversation.
In most cases, they probably don’t realize they’re rambling. If you haven’t spoken to them about this before, try giving them the benefit of the doubt. They may not be aware that they’re talking too much. Even if they are aware, they likely don’t intend to monopolize the conversation. Acknowledging this might make the discussion go smoother. For example, you could say:
- "I don’t think you’re intentionally talking over everyone, Bob. I’m sure it’s just an honest mistake."
- "I know you're not trying to dominate our conversations, Darren."
- Try to avoid generalizations like: "People hate it when you talk too much" or "You never give anyone else a chance to speak."
Use "I" statements to soften the message.
Using this approach, criticism may be easier to accept. Confrontations can be tricky! Statements that focus on 'you' can often sound accusatory. Instead, try framing your message using 'I' statements to express your concerns. This approach feels less judgmental and reduces the chances of them becoming defensive. For instance:
- "I feel like my thoughts aren't being heard."
- "Sometimes, I worry that our conversations are one-sided and that I don’t get to share my ideas."
- "I’m concerned that group participation at meetings isn’t balanced. It’s my job to ensure everyone contributes, but lately, it seems like some people are not getting a chance."
Suggest solutions or offer advice.
It shows you truly want to assist them in improving. Approach the situation with a mindset of support. If you have practical solutions to offer, bring them up! If you don’t, simply ask if there’s any way you can help them improve. For example:
- "Would you be open to trying a different approach in our meetings? Maybe we could establish a rule where everyone speaks for 1-2 minutes each."
- "Is there any way I could be a better listener or assist you in another way?"
- "If you want, I can help you practice presenting more concisely. We could do it in my office so it stays between us."
Allow them the opportunity to respond—briefly.
They’ll feel heard and may offer a valid explanation for their behavior. There are various reasons why someone might talk excessively. Perhaps they’re struggling with anxiety or trying to cover up low self-esteem. Give them a chance to explain themselves briefly. Just make sure they don’t go on too long!
- If they mention anxiety, you could say, "That makes sense. We still need to address this behavior, but I’m glad I have more clarity on what's happening. I’ll try to add more structure to our next meeting to help you out."
- If your friend admits they didn’t realize they were talking too much and apologizes, you might respond, "No problem at all, Jill! It’s not a big deal. Let’s catch up next week, maybe over coffee?"
- Remember that excessive talking can sometimes be linked to underlying conditions like ADHD.
