Buzz
There’s no one-size-fits-all method for asking a girl to be your girlfriend, but there are several effective strategies you can use when posing this exciting question to someone you care about.
Steps
The Traditional Approach
Get to know her.
- Chat with her whenever you get the chance. If you pass her in the hallway or on the street, stop and have a little conversation about school, work, the weather, popular TV shows, or any random topic that comes to mind.
- Interact with her in group settings. If your crush is always surrounded by others, befriend the whole group to get closer to her. Engage with everyone in the group and try to make friends with her friends, but give her special attention during conversations by directing at least half of your comments toward her.
Make a plan. While it’s important to appear casual and relaxed when making your proposal, planning your approach can increase your chances of success.
- The benefit of this approach is that you’ll save face if she declines and minimize pressure or tension between the two of you. However, this doesn’t mean you should act too casually or ask her in a random or overly familiar way.
- Visualize the first date in your mind. When asking her to be your girlfriend, suggest going somewhere together. Typically, choose an activity that allows for intimate conversation, like grabbing coffee, visiting the zoo, or exploring a museum. If you choose something like watching a movie, make sure to follow it up with a meal or coffee to keep the conversation going.
Meet her at the right moment. Wait for an opportunity to speak with her privately. If you blurt out your feelings randomly in a crowded place, she might feel embarrassed and react negatively.
- Maintain a conversation before bringing up the topic. In other words, don’t ask her out immediately after rushing past her on the street, even if no one else is around. Wait for a chance to talk to her privately without any foreseeable interruptions.
- You can create the opportunity if it doesn’t arise naturally. When you see her around, ask if she can spare a few minutes later. Say you’d like to chat a bit, but avoid appearing nervous or making it seem like a big deal. You can agree to meet somewhere casual, like outside a church, workplace, school, near a park, or a café—anywhere you usually meet her.
Start with casual conversation. Set the tone for the meeting by chatting casually for a few minutes before bringing up the topic. This will help her feel more comfortable and ease any tension.
- Asking her how her day or week has been is a great way to start the conversation. Similarly, you can share a bit about yourself after asking about her.
- You can also talk about common interests or topics you usually discuss with her.
Mention how well you two get along. Transition the unrelated conversation to the topic of feelings by steering her thoughts toward the friendly relationship you already share.
- Make sure to bring this up right after you’ve both laughed, agreed on something, or are in a good mood together.
- Speak calmly but sincerely. Avoid exaggerating things.
- Do say: “You know, I always enjoy talking to you. It seems like we have a lot in common. We really get along well, don’t you think?”
- Don’t say: “You’re the only person I can connect with like this. I’d be miserable without you in my life.”
Express your feelings and ask her to be your girlfriend. If she agrees with you about how well you two fit together, you can take the conversation further and let her know you desire more.
Stay calm no matter how she responds. Your spirit might soar if she says yes or crumble into ashes if she says no, but whatever her answer, you must accept it gracefully.
A sincere approach
Be her friend. Spend time getting to know her as a close friend before taking things to the next level.
Ask her to spend time with you in a pressure-free setting. When your friendship has reached a level where you can hang out alone, invite her out.
Consider giving her a small, thoughtful gift that isn't too expensive. Unless you frequently give her presents, a gift will signal that this occasion is special and different from ordinary days.
Seriously express your feelings to her. After spending quality time together, sit down with her and let her know you have something important to say. Once you have her full attention, honestly share your strong feelings and ask if she would consider being in a relationship with you.
Calmly accept her response. She may or may not feel the same way. Regardless of her answer, respond calmly and politely.
The mysterious approach
Talk to her directly. While you might be tempted to use a 'secret admirer' approach to ask her out without prior notice, it's a bad idea. Make sure she knows who you are directly before sending her any secret hints about your feelings.
Send her a message as a 'secret admirer'. Secret notes are a great way to add a touch of mystery to the situation, and if the girl you have your eye on is curious, this can be very effective in sparking her interest.
- Use her name in the message so she knows it's meant for her without any doubt. However, avoid signing the note if you want to keep it mysterious.
- Keep things light. Avoid overly emotional expressions or anything that might seem 'crazy'. Instead, convey your message in a cute, cheerful way without any pressure.
- Don’t shy away from being a little cheesy. It might not work face-to-face, but in a note like this, a few corny lines can keep things light-hearted.
- Add a bit of polish. You don’t need to write an essay about your feelings for her, but say enough to let her know that the message is sincere.
- Do: 'Dear Linh. This is just a little note to let you know you have a secret admirer—me! Of course, you don’t know who I am yet, but we’ve actually met. You’re a sweet girl. I admire your kindness and wit, and I think you should know that someone truly appreciates you.'
- Do: 'Dear Linh. I want to share a poem with you: 'Roses are red; Violets are blue; Don’t you know; Someone secretly loves you!' Signed, Your Secret Admirer.'
- Don’t: 'Dear sweet Linh, no words can express my love for you. I watch you every day. I’ve seen all your photos on Facebook and Instagram, and I know more about you than you think. Last week, when you walked home in the dark, I followed you from afar to secretly protect you, because I love you so much, I’d die if anything happened to you. If I could, I’d watch over you 24/7. With sincere and immense love, Your Secret Admirer.'
- Don’t: 'Hey! I like you.'
Consider attaching a small, cute gift. After deciding to send her a few secret messages, you can get creative and include a small gift with your note. However, remember that the gift should be 'cute' and not expensive.
- Instead of sending her a box of chocolates, send a single chocolate wrapped in foil with a note like, 'A little sweetness for a lovely girl! Signed, Your Secret Admirer.'
- Instead of sending her a bouquet of roses, you could include a clover or a wildflower you picked yourself.
- Avoid gifts like CDs, DVDs, jewelry, or perfume.
Be cautious of warning signs. Even if you’ve been as careful as possible to avoid making her uncomfortable or scared, there’s still a chance she might feel uneasy about receiving anonymous notes. If you notice she seems uncomfortable, you must stop immediately.
- A clear sign is if she tears up or throws away the note as soon as she receives it.
- If she suspects you’re behind the notes and starts ignoring or avoiding you, that’s a sign she’s uncomfortable with the situation.
- If she doesn’t suspect you and decides to tell you about the notes and her confusion about the sender, confess that you’re behind it and that you’ll stop immediately since you now know the notes are making her uncomfortable.
Drop hints. The best mystery is one that can be solved. Although it’s meant to be a secret, once you’ve revealed it, you should drop hints without directly saying it’s you, so she can guess who it might be. You can hint through the notes or in person.
- To include hints in the notes, make a comment that only you and a few others would understand. For example, if only a few people know that your 'crush' is obsessed with a certain band, write that you often listen to one of their songs or albums when thinking about her.
- To drop hints in person, you can flirt without directly expressing your feelings. If your presence coincides with the frequency of the notes, she’ll start considering you as a possibility.
Don’t let it drag on. Send her a few notes throughout the course or over a few weeks before revealing your identity. 'Secret admirer' notes can be fun and cute at first, but they can become creepy if they go on for months or years.
Reveal secrets in a memorable way. Instead of casually confessing your identity, turn it into a game and let her choose to play along. When revealing who you are, clearly express your desire to be her boyfriend.
- Avoid writing something like, “P.S. – I decided to tell you that I am Quân.”
- Instead, suggest meeting somewhere if she wants to know who you are. Pick a public place and ensure she knows where it is.
- Hint at your feelings, telling her (in the message) that you hope she can become your girlfriend.
- Do: “I think it’s time to stop keeping secrets and ask you out. If you want to know who I am, meet me at the café near your office/school on Tuesday at noon! I’ll be waiting for your answer.”
- Don’t: “I can’t wait anymore—I really want you to be mine. I’ll wait outside your house tomorrow morning to hear your answer.”
- Surprise her with a final gesture when you meet. A modest bouquet of flowers or some of her favorite candies can be a sweet touch.
Stay calm when she responds. You might have successfully won her over, or you might not. Even if she’s flattered by your feelings, she might say she doesn’t feel the same way.
- If she agrees to be with you, stay composed but show how happy you are.
- If she declines, don’t get angry, pout, or try to make her feel guilty about your efforts.
