Buzz
Dating in your 30s can be challenging, especially if you've been out of the dating scene for a while. However, there's no need to worry! In many ways, the dating experience becomes easier in your 30s, as both you and your potential partner likely have a better understanding of what you want from a relationship, without any unnecessary games. So, the best approach to ask a woman to be your girlfriend at this stage is to be open and direct. If you're ready to take the plunge, here are some helpful tips to guide you through this process.
Steps
Be straightforward and ask her face-to-face.
The simplest way to ask her out is to just do it! Starting a new relationship can be tricky, particularly when things haven’t been defined yet. Don’t stress—being upfront and direct with her is the best way to get a clear response. Just express how much you like her and tell her you want to take things further.
- If you're dealing with COVID-19 restrictions, you may need to ask her via phone or video call.
- You could say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. Would you like to be my girlfriend?”
Be open and vulnerable with her.
Express your true feelings. It can be intimidating to reveal your emotions if you're uncertain about how she feels, but honesty is essential in any relationship. If you want to take things to the next level, share with her how much she means to you and discuss the future of your relationship, allowing her to make her decision based on that.
- For instance, you could say, "I truly care about you and would love for us to take this relationship to the next stage."
Steer clear of cheesy pick-up lines.
Using a pick-up line will make you seem inauthentic. Instead, be honest and let her know that you want to be her partner. Genuine expressions of interest are always the best way to start a meaningful connection!
Use mature, thoughtful language.
Avoid using casual, teenage-style phrases. If you're serious about building a relationship, choose your words carefully. Expressions like “let’s kick it” or “let’s chill” don’t convey maturity or seriousness. Instead, engage with her in a genuine, heartfelt manner.
- For example, saying “I’d love for you to be my girlfriend” sounds much more mature than “Let’s make this official.”
Let her know you’re not interested in seeing other people.
Make your relationship exclusive if you've already been on a few dates. While you might still be casually dating, it's important to clarify your intentions. If you're ready to take it further, let her know that you're not interested in seeing anyone else and would like to know if she'd be willing to commit to you.
- For instance, you might say, "I really enjoy spending time with you and would love to see where this goes. I’m not dating anyone else, and I don’t plan to. Are you seeing anyone other than me?"
- If you met online, you could mention, "I’ve deleted my dating profile. Do you still have yours active?"
Share that your friends are starting to ask about your relationship.
Use this as a subtle way to gauge her feelings. If you're feeling a bit shy, try bringing up the topic by referencing how others perceive your relationship. Let her know that your friends have noticed your growing connection, but you wanted to get clarity from her before mentioning it to anyone else.
- For example, you might say, "After lunch, Jay asked me if you were my girlfriend, but we haven’t had that conversation yet, so I wasn’t sure what to say. I did like the sound of it, though."
Ask her the question in a heartfelt letter.
A handwritten letter can help ease the pressure. Take some time to think about everything you want to express to her and write it down in a letter. Be honest and clear about your feelings, and tell her you want to take the next step. Once your letter is ready, give it to her in person or send it to her home.
- Consider reflecting on past experiences, or share how happy and comfortable she makes you feel.
- For example, you might write, “I can never find the right words to say when I’m with you, so I’m writing this letter to tell you exactly how I feel.”
Take her out on a date and ask her directly.
Choose a place that allows for easy conversation. Keep it casual—grabbing coffee or having lunch is a great start. If she’s not keen on your first suggestion, be open to her preferences. Spending quality time on a date is a great moment to ask her to be your girlfriend.
- Simple invitations like “Want to grab coffee this weekend?” or “How about lunch tomorrow?” are great ways to ask.
- Choose a place where you can talk comfortably—watching a movie doesn’t give you much time to chat.
Propose the question during a romantic dinner.
If your girl loves food, this tasty approach will be a hit. As you serve the food, casually mention how certain foods pair perfectly together, like burgers and fries or spaghetti and meatballs. Then, smoothly transition to saying how well the two of you go together as well.
- While this approach may not be the most polished, it’s still a playful way to bring up the topic.
- You might say something like, “Macaroni and cheese are a perfect pair—just like us!”
Invite her to join a group event.
Group dates tend to be less stressful than one-on-one dates. Instead of hanging out with her solo, suggest attending a group event like a sports game, a barbecue, a carnival, or even a game night. The relaxed atmosphere of being with others can help reduce any pressure. If the group setting feels too public, you can always pull her aside for a few moments to pop the question.
- For example, you might say, “Can we step outside for a second? I’ve got something I want to ask you.”
- Being around others means you won’t have to deal with any awkward silences during the conversation.
Spend the day volunteering together.
Show her your giving side by spending time volunteering. You can then turn your day of community service into an opportunity for a dinner date. If she agrees, you’ll have a quiet moment to ask her the important question once you’re alone.
- You could invite her to volunteer at an animal shelter, or assist at a local soup kitchen or food pantry.
- For instance, you might say, “The community center is hosting a blood drive this weekend. Would you like to join me? We could grab a coffee afterward.”
Keep your composure, even if she turns you down.
Rejection is a part of life, no matter how old you are. There are countless reasons why a girl might say no—maybe she doesn’t feel the same way, or the timing just isn’t right. However, try not to take it to heart. Instead, stay calm, composed, and respectful, and thank her for being honest about her feelings.
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Write down a list of your past relationships, along with any friends who are currently dating. Make a pros and cons list—consider what you appreciated in these relationships and what you didn’t. This can help you fine-tune your idea of the ideal partner.
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Don’t dwell on past break-ups, even if they were difficult. Focus on the opportunities for new relationships that lie ahead!
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It may sound cliché, but age really is just a number. You don’t have to date someone who’s exactly your age!
