How to Ask for Help

Whether you're the CEO of a corporation, a manager in retail, or a stay-at-home parent, the ability to ask for help is an essential skill that allows you to reach your full potential. However, this can sometimes be a bit tricky—you need to be firm, and most importantly, trust the person you're entrusting with the task. This article will help you overcome any doubts about asking for help, guiding you through the steps to do so skillfully and respectfully in real-life situations.

Put your ego aside. A major mental barrier when asking for help is the thought, “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” You’re not the only one capable of doing a good job. It’s possible that right now you’re the only one who can do it well, but if you take the time to train someone, they could do it just as well. In fact, they might even do it faster and better than you (you might be astonished!) and you need to not only accept it but welcome it.

• Think logically and realistically—can you do the task yourself? Would it drain you to take on a task without affecting your regular work? If so, you might want to consider asking someone to help. Don’t feel ashamed or incompetent for needing help—often, you’ll produce better results “with” help than you would on your own.

Don’t wait for others to offer help voluntarily. If you hesitate to ask for help, you might be experiencing a mild case of "pride syndrome" – feeling overwhelmed and often questioning why others haven’t offered their assistance. Be honest with yourself – when someone offers to help, do you refuse them out of politeness? Do you wonder why they don’t ‘beg’ to assist you? Do you think that if you were in their shoes, you’d be ready to help? If your answer is ‘yes,’ then you need to take control of the situation. Ask for help when you need it – don’t wait for others to step in, as it might never happen.

• Many people are not paying attention to what others are doing, and chances are you can’t change that. Let go of the hope that those you haven’t asked for help will come to your aid; remember that you are the one responsible for stating your needs.

Don’t view asking for help negatively. Many people are reluctant to ask others for help. Asking for help may make you feel guilty, as though you are burdening someone, or you may feel embarrassed, thinking that you’re supposed to be able to do everything on your own. You take pride in your efforts, viewing them as proof of your excellence (which is another form of pride). If you think asking for help makes you seem incompetent, you need to dismiss that thought immediately. The truth is quite the opposite: in some ways, trying to do everything yourself is a sign of weakness, showing that you don’t have a realistic view of your own capabilities.

Learn to trust others. If you’re hesitant to ask for help because you believe others can’t do the job as well as you, remember two things: first, most people can do a task well with enough practice, and second, you may not be as skilled as you think. When you ask someone for help, you not only free up time for yourself but also give them the opportunity to develop a new skill or tackle a different kind of work. Be patient – with enough time, they will be able to perform the task as well as you. If the task is critical, just give them time, and they’ll learn to do it well. But if the task is truly vital, think carefully before asking others for help.

• Even if you’re the best at the task you’re asking help with, consider how much time you’ll save by delegating it. If you’re the best at assembling hard drives, but you have an important speech to prepare, ask an intern to help. You’ll do much better focusing on the more difficult and complex tasks – don’t feel bad for asking someone else to handle the simpler, more mundane work when you have bigger priorities.

Make the request. The first step is often the hardest, but it’s the most important. Have you ever dared to ask someone for help (or, if you’re the boss, ‘told’ someone to help)? Don’t feel bad about it – as long as you're polite, considerate, and comfortable, you’re not being rude by simply asking (or telling) someone to do something. Try to be relaxed and thoughtful while emphasizing the importance of the task you're requesting.

• If you’re not sure exactly how to ask someone to help, try to keep it brief and polite. Say something like, “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? I was wondering if you could help me install the hard drives we just received. I can’t do it today because I’m not in the office. Could you help me out?” Don’t pressure them, but ensure they understand their help is “needed.”
• Ask, and (who knows?) you might receive help. Don’t hesitate to ask others for assistance because you think they may view you as rude or imposing. Think of it this way – how do you feel when others ask you to do something? Do you feel hurt or offended? Or are you (usually) ready to help? The likely answer is the second one!

Don’t take rejections personally. Sometimes, people won’t be able to assist you – it’s unfortunate but true. There could be many reasons for this, with the most common being that the person you’re asking is already swamped with their own tasks. Don’t take it too personally – just because someone can’t (or won’t) help you at this moment doesn’t mean they dislike you. It usually just means they’re either busy or uninterested – nothing more.

• If you’re turned down, consider other options – you can try politely asking again, expressing how much you need their help (this is especially effective if you’re in a position of power), or you can ask someone else or even do the task yourself. If help is truly essential, don’t hesitate to explore one or more of these options!

Set goals, not processes, for those helping you. This is the key to avoiding the nightmare of becoming a manager. Establish clear expectations about the outcomes you want and show the person helping you how you usually do things, but let them know they’re free to approach the task however they want as long as the job gets done well and on time. Give them enough time to not only learn but also practice and come up with ideas to improve the work’s efficiency. Don’t treat them like a robot; teach them like a human – humans can adapt and improve.

• This approach is also considered smart because it frees up your time to relax and focus on more important work without constantly worrying about how the person assisting you is performing. Remember, you ask others for help so you can be less stressed, not more.

Be prepared to train those helping you. Most of the time, you should take a moment to teach the person helping you how to do the task, even if it’s a relatively simple one. Keep in mind that while it might be easy and straightforward for you, it may not be for someone who’s never done the task before. Be ready to guide them through the process and patiently answer any questions they have.

• Consider the time spent training them as a smart long-term investment. By taking a little time to teach them how to do the task correctly, you’ll save time in the future by avoiding the need to fix their mistakes.

Provide the necessary resources to complete the task. You may have all the resources needed to complete the task, but the person you ask may not have access to them. Things like data passwords, specialized equipment, and certain tools might be crucial for them to do their job, so make sure they have everything they need.

Understand that the person helping you can only do one thing at a time. When they’re helping you, they’re not working on their regular tasks. Don’t forget this, as they, too, have a busy schedule. Ask yourself – what tasks will they leave behind or ask someone else to do in order to help you? Be sure you know the answer to this question before asking them for help.

Be patient. The person you ask for help “will” make mistakes while learning a new task. It’s part of the learning process. Plan for it. Don’t ask someone to do something and expect them to do it perfectly until they achieve the desired outcome. If things don’t go as smoothly as you hoped because the person helping you can’t perform a completely new task perfectly, it’s your fault, not theirs. Make their assistance a learning experience for them, not a nightmare.

• When you train someone, you’re making an investment. At first, it might slow your progress, but in the long run, it will greatly increase your efficiency because you’ve approached the whole process with a positive and realistic attitude.

Prepare for potential difficulties. Have contingency plans in place and always be ready to overcome challenges if things don’t go as expected. Be aware of the consequences if standards or deadlines aren’t met. Unexpected obstacles and challenges will always arise, whether at work or home – even technology can sometimes fail. Make sure the person helping you knows that no matter what happens, you will understand and support them in completing the task on time – don’t abandon them just because they face difficulties.

• This is also considered a smart move, albeit a selfish one – if the person helping you fears criticism, they’ll spend more time covering up their mistakes than focusing on completing the task.

Acknowledge the help you receive if it’s valuable. Asking others for help is essential as you take on more responsibilities. However, it can backfire if you ask someone for help, let them work hard on it, and then take all the credit for yourself. Be sure to recognize and praise their efforts on your behalf.

• Make sure that whenever you complete a task with assistance, you mention the name of the person who helped you.

Say “Thank you”. When someone helps you, expressing your gratitude is very important as it acknowledges the value of their assistance and shows them how much you appreciate it. Otherwise, you risk coming across as ungrateful, even if that’s not your intention. Remember, others can’t read your mind. When encouraged, people will be more willing to help you in the future.

• Be casual about it. A sincere and simple acknowledgment like “I couldn’t have done this without you” can mean a lot to the person listening. If the task they helped with was significant, you might even want to invite them to a meal, buy them a drink, send a thank-you card, or even give a small gift.