How to Avoid Appearing Nervous

When you're anxious, you may experience sweating, shaking, and a sense of heat and discomfort. This can occur during a job interview or while waiting for exam results. Sometimes, sharing your feelings with others can provide comfort and understanding. However, there are times when we prefer to conceal our nervousness. During these moments, you can apply the techniques discussed in this article.

Realize that you don't appear as nervous as you think. Always remember that others cannot read your mind. While you may display signs of anxiety, in reality, you don't appear as nervous as you might assume.

• Keep in mind the 'spotlight effect,' where you believe others are overly focused on you, but in reality, they are not. This happens because you view the world from your own perspective, and sometimes it seems like everything revolves around you.
• However, if there are 10 people in the room, each person will pay attention to others equally, meaning most of the time, they won't notice your anxiety.

Expand your posture. Sometimes, adopting powerful, open postures can make you feel stronger and appear more confident in the eyes of others. This is the 'fake it till you make it' technique – studies have shown that this method helps boost your confidence and reduce anxiety.

• To expand your posture, extend your arms/legs, puff out your chest, or tilt your head slightly backward.
• If possible, find a less crowded space like a bathroom to practice this posture without worrying about being seen by others.
• If you can't get to a private place, you can still adopt an expanded posture. For example, when sitting, spread your legs or lean back, extending your arms and resting your hands behind your head.

Pay attention to your appearance. If you’re anxious during a conversation, instead of fixating on your own worries, focus on the person you're talking to. Ask questions like, 'What do you think?' or 'How do you feel?' This helps you direct your attention to them rather than yourself.

• Be mindful not to overdo the questioning, as it might make you appear nervous and uneasy. When asking questions, listen carefully, reflect, and try to understand their point of view and why they might answer the way they do. The key is to focus your attention on the other person.

Maintain eye contact. When conversing with someone, avoid looking around aimlessly, such as staring at your shoes or admiring a picture on the wall. While constant eye contact isn't necessary, looking directly at the person you're speaking to will make you appear more confident. Avoiding eye contact is often seen as a sign of anxiety.

Avoid restlessness. To prevent appearing nervous, it's important to remain still. Signs of anxiety often include constant hand or foot movement or playing with your hair. To avoid giving off these signals, focus your mind and try to remain still.

Keep your body still. Another indicator of anxiety is fidgeting. It's best to sit still whenever possible. Imagine yourself as a sturdy pillar, unable to move. Another way to prevent fidgeting is to stand up – it's much harder to fidget when you're not seated in one place.

Avoid nail-biting. People who bite their nails often appear anxious. If you feel the need to do something to relieve your nerves, try chewing gum. Just be sure to chew gently and discreetly, or you'll appear as anxious as if you were biting your nails.

Control your appearance. Poise is demonstrated through your appearance and how you use your hands. The following actions can affect your composure:

• Keeping your hands clasped behind your back. To avoid this, try relaxing your hands at your sides.
• Clenching your hands at your sides. This contradicts the purpose and gives off the impression that you're trying to control your nervous actions. If your hands feel tense, you're gripping too tightly.
• Constantly putting your hands in and out of your pockets. Instead, leave your hands in a neutral position for a few minutes.
• Fiddling with buttons. This pointless behavior makes you look nervous. If you're planning to remove your jacket, unbutton it, but otherwise, leave it alone.
• Unintentionally touching your face or glasses. Keep your hands at your sides, away from your face, to prevent this.
• Playing with jewelry or objects in your hands. If you're trying to control your nerves, avoid fiddling with objects.
• Control your anxiety with mindful efforts.

Evaluate what causes your anxiety. Identify the source of your anxiety. Think about events in your life that might be triggering your stress. Sometimes, the answer is obvious, like feeling anxious before speaking in front of a large crowd. Other times, anxiety can stem from hidden factors, like waiting for university exam results or health check-up outcomes.

• Once you've identified the cause, you can start thinking about how to calm yourself. For example, if you didn’t get into your dream university, you could apply to other schools or take a break and retake the exam next year.

Deep breathing and relaxation. Deep breathing induces physical changes in your body, including reducing stress and anxiety. Before speaking, take a deep breath to notice the difference. You'll feel less anxious and naturally appear calmer as well.

Focus on one task at a time. Sometimes, anxiety arises from being overwhelmed with too much to do. You can still work effectively by focusing on one task at a time. Concentrate on the task at hand and set specific goals to achieve it. Once you accomplish one goal, move on to the next.

• Remember that the time required for each task varies. Be sure to prioritize tasks with the closest deadlines.

Free yourself from the situation. If you’re feeling anxious because of a specific reason or can't calm down, try finding a way to remove yourself from the situation. You could say you need to use the restroom or take an important phone call. This gives you a few minutes to calm yourself down.

Relax your muscles. Anxiety can cause muscle tension. Prevent this by practicing Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR). Remember to do this exercise in a private space, as it may seem odd to others:

• Start by breathing deeply and slowly, then tense your neck muscles. Hold the tension for 5 seconds. You may feel discomfort or trembling.
  • Be careful not to tense too hard, and stop immediately if you experience sharp pain.
• Then, gradually release and fully relax the muscles, relieving the tension. Focus on the sensation of relief in the muscles that were just tensed.
• Hold the relaxation for 15-20 seconds before moving to the next muscle group.

Exercise. Regular physical activity can improve your mood and help you feel more relaxed. Choose an exercise you enjoy, such as going to the gym, running, walking, or any other form of regular workout!

• To stay motivated, you can listen to upbeat music while exercising.

Practice relaxation exercises. There are numerous ways to calm your mind and reduce your anxiety. Keep in mind that sometimes these methods might make you feel a bit uneasy. If you prefer to hide your anxiety from others, try methods that are subtle and comfortable for you.

• Take a deep breath through your nose, count to 5, then exhale slowly through your mouth for 5 seconds. Repeat this exercise until you feel calm. You’ll notice less anxiety afterward.
• Try thinking about something that soothes you and helps reduce anxiety. You could focus on a loved one who supports you, a beloved pet, or anything that brings you peace and comfort.
• Imagine a peaceful and tranquil scene. Picture a calm beach with the sound of gentle waves lapping against the white sand, creating soft dripping sounds as the water retreats into the ocean. A seagull soars in the sky, calling out as a gentle breeze blows. Try to visualize the scene in as much detail as possible to evoke a sense of calm.

Practice mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness meditation helps you stay present and accept the current moment without judgment. It is highly effective in reducing distress and alleviating anxiety. There are many ways to practice mindfulness meditation. You can start by paying attention to the sensations in your body, observing them without labeling them. Notice how your skin feels when touched by air or when you feel an itch. Begin from your head or feet and gradually move throughout your body. You can also focus on your senses—sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing—without evaluating them, just experiencing them as they come. Alternatively, you can focus on your emotions, naming them as they arise: “fear,” “worry,” “anxiety.” Simply observe and experience them, allowing them to pass without judgment.

Meditate. Meditation helps clear the mind and focus on the present moment. By meditating, you can regulate your emotions more effectively, helping you remain calm rather than anxious. There are many ways to meditate, and you can either learn from a teacher or practice on your own at home. Try guided meditation where you engage all your senses and imagine a peaceful scene in your mind. You can also try mantra meditation by silently repeating a phrase or word in your mind. This will help center your focus and eliminate unwanted anxious thoughts.

• Avoid crossing your arms or fiddling with your hair, as many people unconsciously do these things when nervous.
• Plan ahead if you know you’ll be doing something that makes you anxious. Knowing what to expect and preparing for it can ease your mind.
• Practice your speech in front of a mirror if you’re preparing to give a presentation.
• Stand up straight to appear more confident.