Buzz
You might feel overwhelmed when you find yourself falling for someone. Learning how to control your feelings for someone requires patience and persistence, especially when you feel like your emotions are beyond your control. Perhaps you're trying to resist the feelings you have for someone, or you're trying to avoid love altogether. You might try avoiding the person you're attracted to and shutting down your feelings for them to prevent emotions from taking over. You can also focus on your own needs and interests as a way to distance yourself from the person you might be developing feelings for.
Steps
Avoid the person you're attracted to
Keep your distance from them. One way to prevent your emotions from taking over is to maintain a safe distance from the person as much as possible. This means avoiding them in social settings like gatherings with friends or colleagues. You might also avoid encountering them when you're at the same place, such as at school or work. Keep your distance so you're not tempted to interact with them, as doing so could deepen your feelings for them.
- For example, you might avoid attending the same meetings or gatherings as the person, especially if you know they'll be there. You could plan to avoid opportunities to meet with them so that you don't have to be around them.
- You could also refrain from becoming friends with them on social media to avoid being tempted to check out their profile or activities. This way, you won't get caught up in following their activities on Facebook, Instagram, or Tumblr.
Set clear boundaries for yourself when you're around them. If you find yourself in close proximity to this person, it's important to establish clear boundaries to prevent your emotions from taking over. Perhaps you should avoid physical contact, hugging, or sitting too close to them when they're near you. You can stand at a comfortable distance with closed body language to avoid appearing overly friendly or welcoming. This can serve as a signal to them that you're not interested in pursuing any romantic feelings.
Do not accept romantic gestures or gifts from them. The person may give you gifts to express their feelings or show their affection. Do not accept or encourage these gestures. Receiving gifts or kind gestures from them could encourage them to pursue you, which is something you'd want to avoid if you're trying to distance yourself. For instance, you can politely decline the gift by saying 'No, thank you' or refuse their help with phrases like 'No, I can do it myself!' or 'Thanks, but I'll manage on my own.'
Shut down your feelings for them.
Make a list of their negative traits. Severing your emotional connection with them could be another way to avoid developing feelings. Try controlling your emotions so you don't feel overwhelmed when you're around them. Make a list of their undesirable traits and review it often to help you feel discouraged or distant from them. This will prevent you from falling for them. Be honest with yourself and think about personality traits that may cause trouble if you were to pursue a relationship with them. For example, you could note that the person is 'too career-focused, introverted, and difficult to engage with in a group setting.'
Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Psychologist specializing in love and relationships
Psychologist specializing in love and relationships
Don't forget the reasons why you need to keep your distance from them. Dr. Sarah Schewitz, a psychologist specializing in love and relationships, says: "If you're trying not to fall in love with someone, there must be a reason, so remind yourself of that reason often. For example, if they're dating someone else, you can remind yourself that dating someone who's already in a relationship is unethical. Do anything you can to help you forget about them by engaging in fun activities that make you feel happy."
Identify why you and the other person aren't a good match. You should also reflect on why you and this person aren't meant to be life partners. It might help to make a list of their negative traits and then write why those traits are important to you and why they aren't right for you. You could also jot down some specific examples when you and the person didn’t truly connect or understand each other. Focusing on these incompatible traits can help you end your feelings for them and see them just as a friend.
- For example, you could write: 'We’re not compatible because they want to focus on their career, while I prefer to travel,' or 'We wouldn’t have a good future together because they want stability, and I plan to move around a lot.'
Focus on the friendship aspect of the relationship. If you already have a close friendship with this person, try focusing on the friendship rather than love. Perhaps you and this person get along wonderfully as friends. Remind yourself that pursuing them romantically could lead to hurt feelings and destroy the friendship you both share. After considering this, you might conclude that it's better to maintain your friendship with them instead of pursuing a romantic relationship.
- For example, you could sit down and write about all the fun moments you've shared as friends. Then, consider whether it’s worth risking a meaningful and intact friendship for a romantic relationship.
Focus on your own needs and interests
Distract yourself with a hobby or activity. You can avoid developing feelings for someone by dedicating time to your own needs and interests rather than focusing on them or thoughts about them. Distract yourself from affectionate feelings by putting all your energy into something you love. Alternatively, you can start an activity that requires a lot of time and effort, leaving you with little time to think about your emotions for someone.
- For example, you might want to channel your energy into a hobby like painting, writing, playing an instrument, or singing. You could also start a physical activity or join a team at school to fill your time.
Talk to friends and family. Although you might want to keep your feelings to yourself, you can try talking to a few close people about how you feel. Share with your best friend how you're trying to avoid developing feelings for someone. You could also speak with a family member about your mixed emotions. Often, talking to someone who is willing to listen to your feelings can help you feel less isolated and confused.
- You might also want to ask a friend or family member for their opinion on your situation. They may offer some advice or suggestions on what to do to avoid falling for that person.
- For example, you could tell a friend, 'I have feelings for someone, but I don't want to. What should I do now?' Or you could say to a family member, 'I think I'm in love with someone, but I don't believe it's a good thing. Do you have any advice for me?'
Consider talking to them about your feelings. If your feelings for the other person become overwhelming and undeniable, it might be time to consider discussing your emotions with them. While the conversation may feel awkward, being honest about how you feel could help you feel better. It may also open the door to the possibility that they might feel the same way.
- If you decide to talk to them about your feelings, you should ask if you can speak privately with them in a more personal setting. Then, you could say, 'I think my feelings for you are growing. I've tried to ignore these emotions, but I think it’s best if I’m honest with you about how I’m feeling.'
