Buzz
There are several reasons why you may wish to avoid someone who is causing your heart to flutter. It could be that they are already in a relationship, perhaps you are in one yourself, or they may be your colleague. It could also be that you just know they are not the right person for you. No matter the reason, there are ways to manage your 'infatuation' healthily. Keep reading for some helpful tips!
Steps
Avoid unnecessary interactions
Try to avoid running into that person. It might seem obvious, but this can be challenging if you don't actively think about it. You may not be able to completely avoid them if you work in the same company or attend the same school, but there are steps you can take to reduce encounters, unless unavoidable.
- Changing your routine can be difficult, especially if it's for emotional reasons. Be patient with yourself and start with the things you can do.
- This might include changing where you eat lunch or get your morning coffee.
- If you often cross paths with them while walking your dog, consider taking a different route.
Change your routine
Adjust your schedule to reduce encounters with that person. Aside from trying new places, you can start altering your daily timetable. This is an effective way to prevent that person from knowing what you’re up to and dropping by to say hello. Choose to change a few activities that cause minimal disruption. This process might be tough and even make you feel sad, but you can do it.
- For example, if you usually exercise in the evening, try hitting the gym or going for a run in the morning.
- It may be challenging to change habits, but it’s likely one of the best ways to avoid running into that person.
Hide them on social media
Avoid viewing their posts. The interesting photos they share on social media can weaken your resistance if you continue following them. It might also stir up feelings that you need to avoid. To prevent yourself from being tempted to scroll through their pictures or visit places they frequent, simply hide them on your social media accounts.
- If you prefer, you can unfriend or unfollow them. However, if you're concerned that doing so might raise questions or draw attention, hiding them is your best option. This way, you won’t see their posts without having to sever your connection on social media.
Set boundaries with that person
Don't flirt or touch them. If the person likes you too, it will be even harder to control your emotions, especially if you can't completely avoid them. Make it clear through both words and actions that you’re not interested in pursuing them, even if it’s difficult.
- Resist the temptation to flirt, even if they initiate it. Even if they compliment you or show interest, you must hold back and not respond. If you work together, say something like 'I’m trying to maintain a professional demeanor. Thank you for respecting that.'
- Avoid physical contact. Don’t touch them if you happen to pass by each other. This gesture could give away that you like them.
- These temptations can be hard to resist, so don't be too hard on yourself if you slip up. Try to get back on track with some positive self-talk.
Focus on other aspects of your life
Try to distract yourself with activities you enjoy. Pick up a new hobby or rediscover an old one. You could also divert your mind from emotions by taking on more projects at work if you feel capable.
- Try new activities like learning tennis or signing up for a painting class. These activities will keep your mind engaged and give you something to do in your spare time.
- You could also tackle tasks you've been meaning to do for a while, like cleaning out your closet. Though it may be tiring, it will benefit you during this time.
Spend time with family and friends
Try connecting with people you care about. This will bring joy to your life and help you get out of your emotional state. Just make sure to avoid places where the person might also be.
- Invite your best friend to go on a trip you both have always talked about.
- Ask your mom if she’d like to start hiking with you on weekends.
Confide in someone you trust
Talk to a trusted friend for understanding. The feeling of being in love with someone you can't (or shouldn't) be with is overwhelming. A friend who can empathize with you will help you process your emotions. They can offer a fresh perspective on your situation and provide the support you need.
- Try saying, 'Hey, I think I have feelings for Duy. I don't think I’ll pursue this relationship, but I can’t seem to get over it. Do you have time to talk?'
- Make sure to choose someone you trust not to share your secret with others.
Write down the emotional consequences of dating
Remind yourself of the potential consequences. This process may be complicated, so be patient with yourself. If you’re trying to avoid someone you like, it’s probably because you know that your relationship with them won’t turn out well. Write down the reasons why you shouldn’t be with them. Writing it down on paper can be more effective. When you need to distance yourself from that person, remind yourself that pursuing this relationship might hurt you.
- For instance, you could tell yourself, 'If I start dating Thư, I’ll hurt Sơn. They just broke up recently, and I don’t want to deal with that.'
- You could also think, 'The last time I tried dating Quyên, she hurt me a lot. I don’t want to go through that again.'
- Consider the harm realistically. If you’re in love with someone unsuitable for you, remind yourself that this romance might hurt your career, friendships, or family.
- If either you or the other person is already in a relationship, remind yourself of this fact every time you want to meet them.
Avoid thinking about them
Find ways to redirect your thoughts. Managing emotions is crucial, but the line between thoughtful reflection and obsession is very thin. It’s normal to become obsessed, but try to break the habit of constantly thinking about that person to move on. When you catch yourself thinking about them, acknowledge the thought and push it away.
- Tell yourself, 'Alright, I’ve been thinking about Hoàng. Now, I’ll focus on the plan to hang out with friends and play games tonight.'
- Try setting a time limit. Remind yourself that you’ll think about them for 5 minutes, then move on to something else. Set an alarm on your phone to make sure you stick to it.
List the qualities you admire in them
When you're ready to date, look for someone who shares those qualities. Even though the person who has caught your attention can’t be your soulmate, it doesn’t erase the wonderful traits you admire in them. Think about their positive qualities and write them down to help you find someone with similar traits in the future.
- For instance, maybe they always treat your pets gently. When you start dating, make sure your partner loves animals as much as they do.
- If you admire their work ethic, focus on finding someone with a similar mindset.
Cut off contact if necessary
Get out of the situation if you can. This might sound almost impossible, but it makes sense. You’ve found yourself in a tough spot. If you've tried redirecting your thoughts and setting boundaries, that’s great, but sometimes, you may need to sever all contact, no matter how hard it may be. Avoid answering their calls, texts, or messages on social media.
- This is an incredibly difficult process, so be kind to yourself. You can also lean on your friends for support if needed.
Ask yourself if your current relationship is truly fulfilling
Evaluate whether your needs are being met. Sometimes, people develop feelings for someone else while still being in a relationship. You might be seeking change within your current relationship. Reflect on the qualities of this person that you can’t find in your partner.
- For example, you might be drawn to them because you both share a passion for music. Try inviting your partner to join you for concerts more often. This way, you can meet your needs and ease the feelings you have for the other person.
- This is an emotional process. Remind yourself that whatever feelings you’re experiencing, it will get better.
Seek therapy if you're struggling
Turn to a therapist for support. Sometimes, the intense feelings you have for someone are hard to control, especially if you feel unable to act on those emotions. If these feelings are causing you depression or anxiety, seeking professional help is a great option. A therapist can help you find a healthy way to manage the situation.
- Don’t worry if it’s your first time reaching out to a therapist. You might feel a little shy initially, but it’s the right decision to prioritize your mental well-being.
Advice
- Try listing the things you dislike about them. This can be a motivation to help you distance yourself from them.
- Be patient. This is a very difficult situation to handle, so be kind to yourself.
