How to Avoid Stalking Others

Simplify the Pace. Every relationship evolves at its own pace, so there's no need to rush or force things ahead to become a 'soulmate' or 'best friend' just because everything feels amazing. Cherish the newness and the excitement of having something fresh, because it won’t stay new forever. The uncertainty about where the relationship will lead might drive you crazy with curiosity, but it’s also part of the thrill! Be patient, savor that excitement, and resist the urge to push things before their time. Otherwise, you’ll lose the joy and just add stress.

• If you had a fantastic time with a new girlfriend on Friday night, you’d surely be eager to meet her again as soon as possible. However, instead of calling her first thing on Saturday morning to plan another date, try waiting a few days. Relish the time you spent together, and give her the same opportunity. The next time you meet, both of you will be eagerly anticipating each other’s company, making those moments together even more special.

Don't see everything through rose-colored glasses. One reason people sometimes feel overly excited is that we tend to idealize others in the early stages of a relationship. When you meet someone and feel an instant connection, it's easy to fantasize about a perfect relationship. But fantasies often come with unrealistic expectations, and those expectations can lead to disappointment. Right now, you might be thinking of dedicating your life to her, but that’s just setting yourself up for future letdowns.

• Remind yourself that this new person is just a regular human being, and as such, they are 'imperfect'. They make mistakes, and you need to be ready to forgive them, without feeling disappointed that they’re not perfect as you imagined.

Adopt the 'Give and Take' strategy. Imagine you’re playing a tennis or volleyball match. Every time you request a meeting, it’s like hitting the ball to their side, and then you wait for them to return the ball. You wouldn’t hit another ball right away because you want to see if they’re still interested in playing. If you're the one waiting, you’ll likely feel anxious. If that’s the case, take a deep breath and wait a little longer. Once you’ve made contact (sending an email, calling, or texting), there’s no need to follow up immediately. If you really feel the need to send another signal, it could mean a few things:

• They may not have received your message.
• They might be too busy to respond. If you trust them, you should assume this might be the case.
• They might not be ready to date you at this time.

Remember to maintain personal space. No matter how close you are, spending too much time together can become stifling. Even if they truly love you, they won’t want to shadow you every step of the way. If you find yourself unable to be apart for even a few minutes, eventually, you’ll be disappointed. It may be hard, but try to step back and give them some personal space. Spend a few nights apart and do things you enjoy. Don't call or text for a while. Your relationship will likely improve, because as the saying goes, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.'

Recognize the signs when they're no longer interested. This can happen for various reasons, but one thing is certain: no matter how much you show interest, it won’t change their mind. Persistence is not the solution! This may be their way of pulling away without confronting you directly. No matter how hard you try, you won’t change their feelings, and deep down, you know that’s true. If someone can’t even bother to respond to your message, they’re not worth wasting your time on. You deserve better treatment.

• They might be shallow. Some people struggle with dating or maintaining friendships. They forget things occasionally and can be lazy. However, in most cases, when someone doesn’t respond to your message, it’s likely because they’ve chosen not to, not because they forgot.
• Alternatively, they could be focusing on other priorities. Not replying doesn’t necessarily mean they want to end the relationship.

Respect the other person's wishes. Being ignored or receiving a cold shoulder can make you feel rejected, and yes, that is rejection, and it can hurt. Once they've decided to move on without you, there’s nothing you can do. Don’t waste your time trying to push them. Seeking revenge or trying to hurt them will only create more distance between you two.

Are your desires truly being met? If they don't outright reject you but instead tease or seem to toy with your feelings, you should consider whether you really need them in your life. Wanting to spend time with your friends or loved ones doesn’t make you 'clingy'. Every relationship requires some time and effort to nurture. If you feel like you're asking for too much but know that you're being reasonable, then maybe the problem lies with them.

• Assess how much time and attention you should invest in the relationship, and how much you expect in return. If your expectations are reasonable but they constantly disappoint you or ignore you, it’s time to find someone else who values and respects your attention.
• Relationships often have an imbalance. In most relationships, one person will make more effort than the other, and that’s normal, because sometimes one person is busy, while the other is texting or calling more. However, if this becomes a one-way pattern with no sign of change, it’s time to let go before your self-esteem takes a hit.

Keep yourself busy by finding other things to do. Busy people often don't have time to chase after someone; their schedule is packed, and guess what happens? That busy schedule makes them more attractive, whether as a friend or a romantic partner. If you have nothing to do but sit around waiting for them to call or reply to your emails, you might end up feeling bored (you know what they say? If you feel bored, you also become boring). So, what are you expecting?

• Expand your social circle. Get involved in volunteer work, learn dancing, run marathons, take up painting, or join a club. Go out and find joy! All your worries will fade, and if they do reach out, it will be a pleasant surprise, not just a sigh of relief.

Call other people in your circle from time to time. Focusing your life on one person isn’t healthy for your mental well-being or self-esteem. Therefore, make it a point to occasionally reach out to other friends. Don’t pour all your energy into just one person! Plan to go out for a movie or dinner with someone else—don’t always worry about 'that person'. You should enjoy all your relationships because you have many friends, not just one.

Remember that living alone is just fine. Many people live alone and are perfectly happy with their lives. They enjoy their freedom, and many find joy in it as much as couples do. Relationships are really just desires; they're not a necessity. The problem arises when you believe it's a need you can't live without.

• Here’s an exercise: When a clingy thought enters your mind, repeat this mantra: 'I am strong, I have everything I need.' You can repeat similar affirmations to remind yourself that you are complete and don’t need anyone to survive.
• Listening to music or watching movies about freedom and willpower can also be helpful.

Reevaluate your self-worth. Paradoxically, if you're trying to suppress the urge to cling to others, it may signal a lack of self-respect. You're seeking someone else to make you feel complete, but the truth is, only you have the power to complete yourself. You shouldn't place your happiness in someone else's hands. It's perfectly normal for someone to make you happy, but if they are your sole source of happiness, then one day, if they're gone, you'll be left angry or sad. But that’s demanding too much from them! They’ll feel guilty, obligated to you, and eventually, resent you.

• One way to break free from this neediness is to prove to yourself that you don't need anyone. Start by doing everything on your own or spending time alone until you feel confident. Act as though you 'want' a partner or friend, but you definitely don’t need one.
• Don’t seek any other relationships until you’re certain you won’t fall into the same pattern again.

Learn how to trust. Once you understand your own issues, you’ll be able to handle any relationship matters. The desire to chase often stems from a lack of trust and sometimes the fear of being abandoned. If you're doubting someone's feelings or their loyalty to you, ask yourself why you don't trust them. Is it because they’ve done something suspicious? Or is it because someone in the past hurt you, and now you think the new person will do the same?

• If the second reason is true, then remember that it’s unfair to judge this person based on the actions of someone else. Isn’t that true?
• If you genuinely care for someone, and they trust you, you need to trust them in return.

The benefits of freedom. Being firm and not chasing after anyone actually makes you more attractive. It’s a little trick: the more independent and secure you are, the more alluring you become. Once you're completely free, you can manage all your relationships without constantly worrying about what others think. You’ll appreciate both your private time and the time you spend with your partner.

Demanding is part of human nature. Our brains are quite active; they’re always seeking something new to achieve or gain. When they’re not occupied, they turn to demands. It’s tough to break this mindset because everything eventually fades from our thoughts when we grow bored. The brain is pragmatic—it finds another activity to captivate your attention. Therefore, seeking new activities or pursuing other passions can temporarily alleviate the desire to cling to others, but only for a short time. Those who don’t seem to cling to you are likely busy with something else—whether it's other people or pursuits. So, when you meet them, they don’t appear needy, which makes them seem more attractive. Studies show that men in relationships tend to be more alluring to women.

• For instance: People with close friends don't seem needy, especially when it comes to making new ones, because their needs in that area are already met. Similarly, those who love their jobs won’t be clingy at work—they’re satisfied in that aspect of their life. Similarly, if a guy is in a good relationship with his girlfriend, he won’t feel the need to chase after other women because his 'desires' are being fulfilled by her. As a result, in front of other women, he seems less interested, which ironically makes him more attractive. It’s been proven that men in relationships are seen as more attractive by women.
• What do all these examples have in common? They’re all fleeting external factors. When we remove these 'external factors', our minds tend to become demanding again. For example, moving to a new city, losing a job, or breaking up with a girlfriend…
• However, this doesn't mean we should stop socializing or dating. In fact, these activities help you develop true independence in life.
• True independence comes when you no longer seek external factors for fulfillment. You can still pursue your passions, hang out with friends, or date your partner because you enjoy them, but you won’t seek fulfillment from them because you’ve found your own 'true fulfillment'. You’ll become humble and simple, like the ocean, as written in the book by Lao Tzu: 'All rivers flow to the sea because the sea is lower than them. Humility is the source of the sea’s strength.'

• Give others their personal space and respect their boundaries.
• Spend some time apart and focus on your own passions—keep yourself busy in general.
• Being too clingy will only result in rejection. This can lower your self-esteem and make you feel more isolated.
• Engage in activities that bring you joy. Avoid spending too much time alone, go outside and meet friends. The more hobbies and interests you have, the more attractive you’ll become.
• If you’re in love with someone you live with, show them affection, but not excessively. Don’t pressure them to pay attention to you, as this may push them away.
• First, get used to living on your own. You’ll begin to appreciate your personal time more and will be able to view relationships more objectively.
• Being too eager early on can turn the other person off, so learn to pace yourself and take small steps when getting to know someone.
• Love and respect yourself; appear confident.
• The habit of chasing after others will waste your time. Learn to control yourself.
• Recognize when someone isn’t right for you. The issue may not lie with you, but with them. If that's the case, seek out other friends.
• Love will come to you before you even realize it. Be patient and stay optimistic.

• Clinginess can trap you in a vicious cycle. You desperately want attention, but this causes others to feel suffocated and push you away, leaving you feeling disappointed with yourself and even more determined to chase after someone new. Recognize this cycle and work on changing it.
• Clinginess can also contribute to depression, which we all know can have very harmful side effects. The best solution is to find other interests and redirect your focus onto them.
• If you lack patience, you may begin to imagine things that aren’t real. Stay calm and focus on the things you love.