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Everyone desires to have friends. If you have a good friend in your life, you’ll want to maintain a lasting bond with them. You might wonder what it takes to be a good friend. To become a reliable companion, you should support your friend through both good and bad times. Regularly spend time with them and stay connected regardless of distance. Lastly, work on improving your communication skills to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
Steps
Support Your Friend
Celebrate their achievements. If you want to be a supportive friend, one of the most important things you can do is to genuinely rejoice in their successes. Strive to be their biggest fan. Applaud their accomplishments and avoid jealousy.
- Jealousy often makes it hard to celebrate others' successes, even if they are your friends. However, you need to be able to cheer for them. People are naturally drawn to positive individuals who make them feel good about themselves. Even if you feel a twinge of envy, try to overcome it and offer a sincere "Congratulations." You’ll feel better for doing so. You’ll also realize that celebrating others is far less exhausting than harboring jealousy.
- Don’t limit your praise to major achievements or milestones. Remember to compliment your friend on the small things they do that you appreciate. Remind them of their wonderful qualities. For example, you could say something like, "I love how you always smile," or "I really admire how you never forget anyone’s birthday."
Listen to your friend when they need you. Listening is the foundation of a strong friendship. If you know they’re having a tough day, offer to lend an ear and let them share their feelings. You don’t need to provide solutions or even advice. Simply allow them to express themselves without judgment.
- If you’re unsure what to say while listening, practice active listening. This approach helps the other person feel more comfortable opening up to you. You can paraphrase what they’ve said after they finish, encouraging them to share more details if needed. For example, you might say, "It sounds like you’re really stressed about how your brother acted during his visit, right?".
- Remember, while listening is crucial, you don’t want to end up in a one-sided friendship. If you feel like your friend often asks you to listen but is never there for you, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship. Being a good friend is important, but you shouldn’t let someone take advantage of your kindness. If you listen to them, they should also be willing to listen to you when you need it.
Remember important events. Small gestures can build the foundation of a lasting friendship. Make an effort to remember significant moments in your friend’s life, such as birthdays, anniversaries, and more.
- Always remember their birthday. Setting reminders on your phone can be helpful. You don’t need to give extravagant gifts every year, but your friend will appreciate a call or a heartfelt card.
- Does your friend have other major milestones? Even sad occasions are worth remembering. For instance, if they’ve lost a loved one, the anniversary of that loss can be difficult. Keep this in mind and send them a message to let them know you’re there if they want to talk.
Be loyal. Loyalty is a key aspect of a lasting friendship. Jealousy, envy, bitterness, and mistrust are negative emotions that can undermine your ability to stay loyal. Strive to overcome these feelings and work on building a foundation of trust.
- Avoid gossiping behind your friend’s back. Even if you’re upset or frustrated about something they’ve done, don’t vent about them to others. Instead, write it down, and when you’ve calmed down, address the issue directly with them.
- Dealing with negative emotions that harm loyalty can be challenging. However, remember the long-term benefits of overcoming them. What matters more in the long run? Satisfying a momentary feeling of jealousy by badmouthing your friend, or building a lifelong bond?
- That said, loyalty, like listening, has its limits. While you should be loyal and supportive of your friend’s decisions, you don’t owe blind loyalty to someone who behaves poorly. For example, if they hurt another mutual friend’s feelings, don’t immediately defend them. Instead, be honest and let them know their actions crossed a line.
Practice the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule states that you should treat others the way you want to be treated. When interacting with friends, pause and reflect on your actions. If you feel like you’re not treating them well, consider how you’d feel if you were treated the same way. If you wouldn’t appreciate the behavior you’re showing, it’s time to stop.
Spend time with your friend
Engage in shared hobbies. Often, friendships are built on common interests. If there’s something that initially brought you and your friend closer, revisiting it can strengthen your bond.
- For example, if you met at a book club, agree to read the same book. You could meet weekly to discuss it. Your friend will appreciate sharing this experience with you.
- You can also pursue hobbies together. If you met in a college English class, consider joining an English club together. You can help each other improve your language skills.
Prioritize the friendship. Over time, friendships can sometimes drift. School, work, relationships, and other commitments can strain your bond. However, if you want to be a good friend, you should make the friendship a priority in your life.
- As life gets busier, you might not see each other daily or weekly. Still, make an effort to meet regularly. Setting specific times to meet can help. For instance, you could have dinner together on the first Tuesday of every month.
- Remember, you shouldn’t prioritize someone who doesn’t prioritize you. Avoid one-sided friendships. If you’re always the one reaching out and making plans, it’s best to step back. Focus on being a good friend to those who value your presence.
- Even if time is tight, stay connected. Many people find social media helpful for keeping in touch during busy times. You can also call your friend for a quick chat if meeting in person isn’t possible.
Laugh together. People tend to bond more when they share laughter. Your friend will enjoy your company more if you’re always laughing together. Make humor a priority when spending time together.
- Watch comedies or visit a comedy club together.
- Make each other laugh. Don’t be afraid to be silly or goofy. A true friend won’t judge you for showing your playful side.
- While laughter is important, avoid laughing at others. Don’t build a friendship on mockery or negativity. Someone who laughs at others in front of you isn’t a good friend.
Stay in touch despite distance. Unfortunately, distance can sometimes separate close friends. In such cases, make an effort to stay connected. If your friend moves away for school or work, call or Skype with them regularly. For example, plan biweekly calls every Thursday. You can also stay connected through social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter.
Communicate with your friend
Avoid giving unsolicited advice. You might think being kind means always telling your friend how to fix their problems. However, this can create an imbalance in the friendship. You become the problem-solver, while they’re always the one with issues. Not only that, when they open up to you, they’re not always seeking advice. Sometimes, people just want to vent without receiving guidance.
- Let them speak. Show you’re listening through non-verbal cues like smiling and nodding to convey your attention. Occasionally, repeat their words to ensure you understand everything.
- Help your friend develop their ideas by asking questions like, "What do you think we should do?" or "Do you know how to proceed?"
- If you’re genuinely concerned about their decision, express your worries. For example, if they’re considering something dangerous or illegal, voicing your concern is appropriate.
Don’t keep score. A good friend doesn’t make others feel like they owe them. Avoid tallying who gave the best birthday gift or who helped whom last. Do nice things for your friend because you value them, not as a way to get something in return.
- People often distance themselves from friendships over minor barriers. For instance, you might feel you shouldn’t invite them out on Saturday because you did so last week. In your mind, it’s their turn to invite you. However, some people simply aren’t good at planning and prefer to follow others’ lead. Your friend doesn’t owe you an invitation just because you extended one to them.
- Remember that both of you have different strengths. For example, you might feel like you’re always the one organizing events, but your friend might be the one who brings cookies and helps clean up.
Tell them when they’re wrong. Being a good friend means sometimes delivering hard truths. You’re not being kind by letting them repeat mistakes. If you notice them doing something wrong or about to make a mistake, let them know. While it might feel uncomfortable in the moment, they’ll appreciate your honesty in the long run.
- You don’t have to be harsh when pointing out their mistakes. Approach the situation with care. Say something like, "I’m worried about how you’re talking about others. I know you’re better than this, and I wish you’d be less negative about people who aren’t here."
- Reassure them that you care after pointing out their mistake. You could say, "I’m only saying this because I care about you, and your behavior worries me."
Handle conflicts maturely. Conflicts in friendships are inevitable. If you’re close, you’ll occasionally upset each other. When conflicts arise, strive to resolve them in a mature way.
- If you’ve hurt their feelings, apologize. Even if your friend misunderstood you, if they’re genuinely hurt, they deserve an apology.
- If you’re upset by something your friend said, address it directly. Avoid gossiping behind their back. This won’t solve the problem and could create more tension.
Advice
- Introduce your friends to each other. You can build a fun, strong group by helping everyone connect and form bonds.
