Buzz
Now that you're married and have become the man of the household, all the promises you made earlier now hold immense significance for your wife. It's time to fulfill what you pledged. Fortunately, becoming a good husband isn't an impossible task; you just need to follow your heart, conscience, and the love you have for your wife. If you seriously follow the steps below, the future for you and your better half will only get brighter.
Steps
Be a Man of Principle
If your partner allows it, strive to be a gentleman. Most (though not all) men and women agree that a gentleman is kind and respectable. If your wife is the type who appreciates such traits, let your charm shine. Think of the manners from the 17th century or similar:
- Kiss her when you meet and when you part.
- Carry heavy bags for her.
- Hold the door open for her.
- Pay for dates.
- Of course, there's a chance your partner might not want you to treat her like a gentleman. If she doesn't appreciate it, don't take it to heart. Even if you don't treat her in a special way, continue to be kind and considerate.
Respect your wife. Respect is an act of understanding. Recognize that your wife is an independent and unique individual who may not want to do exactly what you do, even if your interests align closely. Here are four examples of how to show respect to your wife:
- Keep your promises. If you say you'll do something, follow through. If you promise to wash the dishes, don't sit back and make excuses while she takes over your task.
- Be punctual. If you agree to be somewhere at a specific time—like picking up the kids from daycare—be on time. Her time is just as valuable as yours. Respect that.
- Stop taking things for granted. Don’t assume she’ll handle certain tasks just because she’s your wife or a woman. Instead, foster open communication in your relationship. Learn to ask for help when needed.
- Listen to her. Don’t just pretend to listen—truly hear her out. Sometimes, all we need is someone who listens or a shoulder to lean on. Let her speak and pay attention to what she says.
Never lie. Make honesty a habit. Ask yourself how you’d feel if your wife hid everything from you except her birthday. Always let her know where you’re going and who you’re with. Share your intentions, even if they seem trivial. Being open and truthful builds a strong verbal communication bridge, which is essential for any healthy relationship.
Never betray her. This should go without saying, but it’s worth repeating. Infidelity is a form of deception. You wouldn’t accept your wife being unfaithful, so why would you do it? If you’re involved in an affair, take a hard look at your life and ask yourself why you married her in the first place.
- If you love your wife but still pursue someone else, is that fair? You want her to trust you, yet you’re unwilling to be honest and fully committed. This behavior is fundamentally selfish. You can’t have it both ways.
- If you no longer love your wife, why are you still married? Both of you could be better off finding partners who truly love and appreciate you. Think about that.
Don’t be lazy. Laziness is a bad habit that needs to be eliminated and is a major turnoff for your partner. Watching football on Sundays isn’t laziness; laziness is knowing you should or want to do something but can’t bring yourself to act. So take out the trash, surprise her by cleaning the house once a week, or exercise to show her you value self-respect. It makes a big difference.
Try not to be selfish. We could debate for hours about how selfish humans are, but one thing is clear: despite our selfish tendencies, we’re capable of selflessness for others. Love inspires generosity. Instead of always thinking about what’s best for you, ask yourself what you can do for your wife or to improve your marriage.
- Limit jealousy. It’s okay to feel a little jealous at times, as long as you don’t let it affect her happiness. (A bit of jealousy can even be a good sign.) However, excessive jealousy can make you selfish. Don’t stop her from doing something just because you feel envious.
- Compromise. Learn to meet halfway. Often, what you want and what she wants will be entirely different. In such cases, adjust your expectations. Don’t expect to always get your way or “win” every argument.
Never raise your voice, insult, or physically harm her. Your wife trusts you to provide comfort and safety. Don’t set a bad example or let your emotions cross the line.
- If possible, try to control your tone during arguments:
- "I’m concerned we’re not sticking to our budget. I’m not blaming you. I just care about our long-term happiness and want to discuss ways we can adjust our spending habits."
- Avoid personal attacks. Here’s an example of an unhealthy argument:
- "Oh really? You want to secure a good school for our child? Why don’t you go talk to your ex-boyfriend, the principal? Seems like you had a great relationship with him."
- Never hit, restrain, or threaten her with violence. Don’t use your physical advantage to intimidate her. She could report you.
Show Affection
Find small ways to make her feel important. Ask yourself, what can I do to make my wife happier? It doesn’t have to be grand to be meaningful. Relationships thrive on small gestures. The thought and emotion behind them are the real gifts:
- Take time to build a good relationship with her family. She’ll appreciate it if you get along well with her parents. You may not see them every day, but what matters is that she wants you to love them as much as your own parents.
- Is your wife passionate about charity? Donate in her name to a cause she cares about as a gift. She’ll feel proud to be a benefactor and help those in need.
- Take over chores she dislikes. For example, if she hates washing dishes, give her a "dishwashing-free pass" for a week.
Be open. It may sound odd, but being open with your partner is a true expression of love: it shows you trust them and, more importantly, enjoy emotional closeness. Women are often more emotional; men less so. When you’re open, she’ll feel reassured that you’re doing this for her.
Show her you love her. Why did you marry her in the first place? Occasionally, remind her why you love her and how she makes you feel every day. This is a great habit to strengthen your bond and reduce stress.
- Write her a short note. Hide it under her pillow, and when you kiss her goodbye in the morning, tell her to check under it. The message could say: "Every day with you makes me realize how lucky I am. I love you."
- Approach her from behind when she knows you’re in the room, wrap your arms around her, and plant a sincere kiss on her neck. This will melt her heart.
- Make a romantic fortune cookie (a crescent-shaped cookie with a positive message inside). Find a way to insert your own message for her to discover when she breaks it open. Write something like: "Only you have the power to break my heart...."
Be her source of encouragement. Actively support your wife with genuine efforts. Whether it’s cheering her on as she learns Latin dance or when she wants to go out with friends, your encouragement will make her feel secure and ready to take calculated risks. When the world feels against her, she’ll know she has you—her rock, her inspiration, and her guiding light in the dark.
- Whenever she feels down, find ways to lift her spirits. Bring breakfast to her in bed, give her a foot massage, or take her to see her favorite movie. Remember, small gestures can have a big impact.
Reignite your romantic side. This might not be the first thing you think of every morning, but romance is essential for a healthy marriage. Don’t assume that because you’re married, you no longer need to put effort into being romantic. This mindset isn’t just flawed—what if your wife decided to stop caring about her weight after marriage?—but it also robs you of some of the joys of being married. So, be a man and do what men do best: be romantic.
- Plan a monthly date night. Some couples manage weekly dates, but once a month is a good start. Recreate the dates you had while dating or brainstorm new ones that will make both of your hearts race. Think of activities like skydiving, scuba diving, or watching a movie together.
- Celebrate your wedding anniversary. Anniversaries are deeply meaningful to your partner, and they should be to you too. They symbolize your love and offer a chance to rekindle it. Never forget this day. At the very least, share a romantic dinner with a chilled bottle of wine.
- Keep the passion alive in the bedroom. Don’t let things grow cold or take intimacy for granted. Strive to please her as she pleases you, and always explore more about each other’s desires and bodies.
Bringing It All Together
Trust your wife completely. Many of the issues discussed in this article revolve around trust. If you don’t trust your partner, you’ll live in a miserable place. Learn to trust your wife as she trusts you.
Be true to yourself. Marriage is a long-term opportunity to deeply understand someone over the years. If you hide parts of your personality or suppress who you are, you won’t get everything you want out of marriage. If you fully express yourself, you’ll get what you desire.
- You two can have long conversations; make her laugh with your jokes; share interests, hobbies, and work; take her to places that are special to both of you; encourage her to get to know your family (and do the same for hers); argue with each other; share fears, doubts, and vulnerabilities; be yourself, not the husband you think she wants.
Remember the golden rule. This principle isn’t just a moral guideline; it’s a compass during the storms of marriage. The golden rule is to treat others the way you want to be treated. It all boils down to "putting yourself in someone else’s shoes" before acting.
- Of course, you need a clear perspective to apply the golden rule and avoid deceiving yourself about what others want. If you’re unsure about something, ask yourself, "What would I want if I were in her position?" This is a good exercise for self-reflection.
If you’re religious, share your faith with your wife. When both of you share the same beliefs, it strengthens your bond and helps you find deeper meaning in life’s journey. Commit yourself fully to your spouse, just as you would to your faith. Strive to uphold these values throughout your life.
Take pride in your appearance. Ultimately, what matters most is maintaining personal hygiene, looking neat, and being presentable—both inside and out. Ensure you maintain the same level of cleanliness as she does. If you care about how she dresses or how often she brushes her teeth, rest assured she feels the same about you. This is normal for people in love, right?
Advice
- Stand up for and protect her as if she’s the most precious treasure in your life!
- Devote time and effort to her.
- Trust her!
- Always tell the truth, even if you know it might hurt her. She deserves to hear it from you rather than someone else.
- Listen to her and treat her words as constructive feedback, not criticism.
- Be patient with yourself—becoming a good husband takes time.
- Show her how much you love her in front of her friends, like complimenting her beauty.
- Be romantic—occasionally, when you feel she deserves it, surprise her with a gift, but not too often, as you don’t want to spoil her.
- Try to help her family, whether it’s running errands or fixing broken items around the house.
Warnings
- Avoid infidelity—it sends the message that you find her unattractive. Instead, compliment her and admire her more often.
