How to Be a Good Older Sister

Being an older sister is exciting, but it also comes with a lot of responsibility. Even if you don't realize it, your younger siblings are looking up to you. They're even imitating your actions. Although there may be pressure, you can use your role to positively influence their lives. Be a good older sister by nurturing a close sibling bond, becoming a role model, and treating your younger sibling with kindness.

Support Your Sibling in Important Events. A crucial aspect of being a good older sister is to invest time in your sibling and show that they are important to you. If your sibling has an upcoming exam or a job interview, encourage them! Or if they are about to receive an award, make sure to attend the ceremony if possible.

• Give them a card or a gift to express how proud you are of them.
• Say things like “Good luck on your test today” or “Congratulations on being accepted into the best student group! I’m so proud of you.”

Share meals together. Occasionally, it's nice to have lunch or dinner together. You can do this spontaneously or establish a regular weekly or monthly routine. Use this time to chat and try to limit phone usage.

• If you're able to drive, take your sibling out for burgers or ice cream.
• If you're not old enough or don't want to drive, make sandwiches together and hang out at the park.

Engage in fun activities together. Have fun with your siblings! You can go watch an action movie that both of you are excited about. Or if you're preparing for a shopping trip for a dance event, consider bringing your sibling along.

• Plan a beach day, go for a run outdoors, or try bowling together.
• Arrange a craft day. You can work on a project together or teach your sibling something you feel confident about.

Share secrets. If your sibling is trustworthy, share some secrets with them. This will help them feel more comfortable when confiding in you about their own private matters. Consider their age and only share appropriate information.

• For example, if your sibling is over 13, it might be okay to tell them about your first kiss.
• Keep your sibling's secrets safe, unless they put them in harm's way. In that case, talk to them about why they shouldn't keep the secret and go with them to speak to a parent, guardian, or another trusted adult.

Have in-depth conversations about any issue. Even if you're the perfect older sister, there will always be issues that arise. When problems happen, listen to your sibling's concerns and respect differences. Even if your sibling is annoying you, stay calm and breathe deeply.

• You might say, “I was upset when you took my shirt without asking the other day. I’m happy to lend you my things, but you need to ask me first, okay?”

Stay in touch at least once a week if you live apart. Make sure to keep in contact with your sibling if you're not living together. Call them whenever possible, text throughout the week, and check in on important days.

• You can create a group chat so everyone can message each other, sharing funny pictures or stories from the day.

Listen to your parents. Showing respect for your parents is essential. Sometimes, your siblings will observe how you make decisions. You should respect all of your parents' rules, avoid speaking negatively about them behind their backs, and always express your admiration for them.

• You should also show respect to others. Show respect to teachers, elders, and those in authority.
• Keep your room clean, come home before curfew, and follow all other rules.
• Encourage your sibling to follow your example and explain why it's important. For example, you can say, "I know Mom gets frustrated when she asks us to clean up, but a neat and tidy room is really a great thing. Mom will be happy if we do this!"

Be a role model through responsible actions. If you're underage, don't drink alcohol or use drugs. Maintain a clean image on social media and avoid posting things that might embarrass your family.

• Use polite language. Don’t curse or spread rumors about others in front of your younger sibling. Be a role model for them.

Help with household chores. Show your sibling the importance of contributing to household tasks. Clean your room and tidy up shared spaces. Wash dishes, take out the trash, and cook when you can.

• Encourage your sibling to help with household chores.
• If your sibling is still young, consider turning chores into a fun game. For instance, play upbeat music while cleaning the house.

Apologize when you make a mistake. Even the best older siblings make mistakes sometimes! If you do, apologize immediately. Be sincere and honest in your apology, and learn from the mistake to avoid repeating it.

• You could say, "I'm sorry for teasing your dress. I shouldn't have said that. I promise I won’t tease your clothes again."

Protect your sibling. If you see your younger sibling being teased or bullied, step in. Never allow anyone to insult or harm them. It's crucial to shield them from any danger, so they know you have their back.

• If you see your sibling being bullied, say, 'Leave my sibling alone! Go pick on someone your own age!'
• Seek help from an authority figure if your sibling is hurt, but never leave them alone. Call for assistance.
• You also need to protect them from your parents. For example, if you think your parents are being too strict, you could say, 'I know Tuấn shouldn't be out after curfew, but I believe he made a mistake unintentionally, and he's not causing trouble. Maybe mom and dad can be more lenient since he apologized.'

Speak kindly. Your words have immense power. An insult can stay with your sibling longer than ten compliments. Even when you need to correct them, do it kindly. Always speak respectfully to others, and avoid yelling or cursing.

• For instance, if you find out your sibling is doing something wrong, say, 'I saw you hiding a pack of cigarettes in your bag. You know mom and dad don't want you smoking. I won’t tell on you, but I’m really worried about your health. If I catch you smoking again, I’ll have to tell mom and dad. Do you want to explain this to them?'

Study and work hard. You should show your sibling the value of diligence and dedication. Spend time doing beneficial activities like reading, studying, and working. Stay focused in class and complete your homework to achieve good grades. Always show up to work on time and put in the effort to succeed.

• Be a shining example through your actions. You can encourage your sibling to do good things, but never force them.

Be truthful. Even if the truth is harsh, always speak honestly. If your sibling sees you lying to your parents, they might think lying is acceptable. Be a role model by being truthful.

• Remember, though, sometimes being too blunt isn’t kind. For example, if someone is wearing a dress you don’t like, don’t encourage your sibling to say, 'That dress is awful!'
• Offering constructive feedback is okay when someone asks. If someone asks if their dress looks bad, suggest something like, 'I think brown isn’t your color. How about a blue dress that would match your eyes?'

Help me build my self-esteem. Encourage me to love myself and feel confident. You can do this by complimenting me when I succeed. Focus on my positive qualities instead of my mistakes.

• You could say, "Binh, you're so talented at playing the violin. I’m sure you’ve been practicing really hard."

Support me when I’m feeling anxious. Even the most confident people sometimes face moments of doubt. If I’m feeling insecure or worried about something, please cheer me up! Tell me I can achieve anything I’ve worked for, and try to ease my fears.

• For example, if I’m stressed about an exam, say, "Thanh, I’ve seen how hard you’ve studied for this test. You’re fully prepared! I can help you review tonight if you’d like."

Be there to assist me when I need it. When I require help, be ready to offer your support. You might assist in tasks like retrieving something from a high shelf or finding a part-time job if I need extra spending money.

• Never make me feel like I owe you for your kindness. Doing so would turn a generous act into a selfish one, as it would make it about you, not me.

Give me thoughtful gifts for special occasions. On holidays or my birthday, don’t just buy something generic that everyone else does. Choose a gift that I’ll truly appreciate. Pick something that reminds us of fun memories or that we both enjoy. This will show how much you care.

• For instance, you could buy me a sweater or a CD I love.
• You could also create something meaningful for me, like a painting, or even tidy up my room as a gift.

Do something kind that surprises me. Show your care by bringing a pleasant surprise, especially when I’m feeling stressed or need some help.

• For example, if I have a tough exam coming up and a lot of chores, help me with those tasks so I have more time to study.
• If I’m about to attend an exciting event, lend me a few of your things to make it easier for me.

Share with me. You and your sibling should share anything you can, whether it's a favorite video game or a cherished family heirloom. Be generous with each other, because if you aren't kind to your sibling, then who will you be kind to?

• Remember that I will mimic what you do, so avoid being a negative role model!
• Make me laugh and have fun with me.
• Show respect to my friends.
• Keep in mind that it’s okay for you to spend time with your friends, and also let me have fun with my own friends.
• Always tell me that you love me.
• Try to find something we both enjoy, like a song or a special TV show, and talk about it! It’s a great way to bond with me.
• Occasionally do things with me that I enjoy.
• Never tease or gossip about me, because if I find out, it will leave a bad impression. I’ll think of you as a mean sister.