Buzz
Ever dreamed of being the person who effortlessly handles every situation with ease and grace? Or perhaps you're working on becoming someone who remains calm and composed, no matter what life throws their way? When you think of those who exude coolness, you'll notice they share a few common traits: they are confident, unique, and get along with others without effort. There's no secret formula to being cool, but these guidelines will help you find your way.
Steps
Being Cool
Don’t be needy. Remember, cool people aren’t desperate or clingy. They handle their problems independently whenever possible. When you're not constantly needing others, people are more likely to offer their help—or ask for yours. This kind of self-sufficiency is magnetic. Being needy can turn people off unless you're truly in a difficult situation. This doesn't mean you should act like you're invulnerable; it just means you shouldn't rely on others to fix your problems, beg for their attention, or act as though you can't be on your own.
- Friendships are important, but don’t make it seem like you can’t survive a Friday night solo. Embrace some alone time—it can help you reset and focus on yourself, which is essential to staying calm.
- If someone hasn’t responded, don’t chase them. Avoid sending a barrage of follow-up texts. Respect people’s space, and they'll respect you more in return.
Be yourself. People admire individuality. You are one-of-a-kind, and you don’t need to fit into any particular group. Forge your own relationships. Being cool is about confidently being yourself, whether you're outgoing or more reserved. Just make sure not to come across as moody or passive-aggressive. Stay true to who you are! Don’t imitate others—while experimenting with different styles or actions is fine, if you make it a habit, it will feel inauthentic. Living authentically is key. Be confident in your uniqueness, and never lose sight of your values. Being cool isn't about pretending to be someone else; it’s about showing the world how amazing you truly are. An original is always more valuable than a copy. Embrace your real self and never compromise your worth.
- If you don't let people see the real you, what’s the point? The ultimate coolness is being able to show your true self and have people appreciate you for it.
- Own your personality. Every part of you—whether your strengths or quirks, your looks or your voice—belongs to you. Embrace it without apology, even if you're not fully comfortable with every part of yourself. We're all human, accepting each other with our imperfections; why not accept yourself? However, avoid becoming overconfident, or you risk coming off as arrogant.
- Make a list of your goals. What defines your coolness is your identity. Discover your talent—whether it’s sports, music, or art. People will notice your passion and respect you for it. You can also expand your skills and meet new people by trying new things.
Practice self-disclosure. Opening up about yourself helps you understand who you are. Self-disclosure involves both conscious and subconscious sharing of your thoughts, emotions, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as well as your preferences.
- Self-disclosure takes time. Don’t unload your entire personal life on the first person you meet, or it could go south quickly.
- "Hiding information about yourself makes you look super cool." - Sasuke Uchiha
Be friendly, but not too eager. People appreciate someone who's outgoing, but no one enjoys an overly eager person. Excessive excitement can be annoying. Avoid forcing yourself into conversations. Smile, start a chat, but remember there’s a fine line between being friendly and being pushy. When meeting new people, take it slow—even if you feel an instant connection.
- If you're too eager to hang out with someone new, it might make it seem like you don’t have other friends.
- If you stay sociable and confident around everyone at a party, you'll stand out as one of the most popular people there.
- Complimenting someone in a genuine, simple way can create a great first impression. For example, telling someone you love their outfit can work wonders.
Be a great conversationalist. People enjoy conversations with someone who knows how to say the right thing at the right time. Avoid dominating the discussion—there’s no need to always share a personal story. Instead, listen and offer brief comments on the other person’s story. Often, it’s better to sit back, enjoy the humor, and be a good listener.
- Be a good listener. Make others feel valued, but do so genuinely. False enthusiasm will come across as insincere. Listening makes others feel good, and it will make them like you more. If you're unsure, remember the golden rule.
- Most people love talking about themselves. By focusing the conversation on others, they’ll enjoy speaking with you.
- Wait for the right moment to add your comment. If you join a quiet group, try to approach the conversation like Tony Stark—timing is everything.
- Be playful! A little joking around can be great, as long as you know your boundaries. Remember, people have different tolerance levels for humor, so always be aware of how your jokes might land.
EXPERT TIP
John Keegan
Relationship Expert
Relationship Expert
Enhance your communication by keeping an open mind. A curious approach is essential for engaging conversations! Relax and enjoy chatting with others, and let your curiosity guide the flow.
Avoid overusing colloquialisms. Over-relying on slang can make you seem insincere or like you don’t fully grasp the language. Speak clearly and confidently, without excessive jargon. If the occasion calls for it, using more formal or complex language is fine, but don't overdo it, or you'll come across as pretentious. Striking the right balance is key to appearing intelligent and polished without seeming out of place in a conversation.
Use humor. Cool individuals know how to lighten any situation with a joke. They don’t let negativity or setbacks get to them and are able to laugh even in tough times. They’re in tune with others' feelings, but their own emotions don't get in the way of their humor.
- It's also vital not to suppress strong emotions. Let go of trivial frustrations, but if you're struggling, don't hesitate to ask for support.
- Learn how to laugh at yourself. Perfection isn’t the goal—being able to find humor in your own awkward moments is what truly sets cool people apart. You'll earn respect and admiration for showing your human side.
- You can be cool, but don’t be too cool. The people who are too cool take themselves too seriously to laugh at a silly but funny moment. Don’t be that person.
Speak up. Observe those who are considered "cool"; they tend to speak with confidence, clarity, and at a comfortable pace. They avoid excessive filler words like uh, um..., or mumbling. They say exactly what they mean, and they stand by their words. Be confident in expressing your opinions and don’t be discouraged by disagreement.
- Speak your mind and share your unique perspective. As long as you remain respectful and genuine, people will appreciate that you take the initiative to contribute to the conversation and keep it moving.
Maintain your "cool". Coolness is defined by staying calm, collected, and in control. People who are cool don’t get overly excited about everything, and they don’t feel the need to speak unless they have something valuable to contribute. They know how to handle situations with poise. Don’t let anger or frustration dictate your actions. Coolness comes naturally when you're at ease with who you are.
- Those who work too hard to appear cool often sabotage themselves. People admire those who seem effortless in their success—coolness happens when you’re balancing the effort of trying and not trying at all.
- Take a deep breath. Staying cool is all about remaining relaxed and comfortable in any situation. If you feel like you're losing control, take a moment to breathe and reset. Stay calm.
Don’t resort to bad behavior to get attention. Some people engage in smoking, drinking, or bullying to attract attention. They may misinterpret the response they get as popularity. While people might react to bad behavior, it doesn’t equate to true respect or admiration. If you want to be cool, understand your boundaries.
- Never trade your integrity for attention. People who boast about breaking laws or engaging in risky behavior aren’t the ones considered truly cool. If others can’t accept you for who you are, find a different crowd.
- Don’t do drugs. Real cool people are confident without needing substances to fit in.
- Don’t smoke. It won’t make you cool—it’ll make you stink. Smokers might not notice, but non-smokers will certainly avoid you. Don’t judge others for smoking, just don’t fall into the trap yourself.
- Avoid unnecessary arguments. Being cool means knowing when to let things slide. If you know you're right, there's no need to waste energy trying to convince someone who’s not on the same page.
Don’t just think about it — do it. It’s great to read books and articles on self-improvement, but real growth happens when you apply what you’ve learned. Step out of your comfort zone—yes, it’s scary, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. Who knows what exciting opportunities or interesting people you might encounter along the way?
- Be a person who takes action, not just someone with ideas.
- Of course, it's important to think things through, but overthinking without doing will get you nowhere.
Thinking Cool
Remember that everyone is your equal. Whether you're speaking to a potential employer, a group of wealthy donors, a child, a stranger, the president, or someone you're attracted to, never forget that they are no better or worse than you. Treat others the way you would like to be treated, and expect the same respect in return.
- If someone disrespects you, don't let it faze you. Respond by ignoring them in a casual, conversational manner, not as if you didn’t hear, but just by moving on. There’s always a reason behind disrespect—maybe they’re dealing with their own issues or haven’t been taught better manners.
- People might act rudely because of their own unhappiness, something you did unintentionally, or they simply weren’t taught how to act. It’s important to stay open to understanding their perspective if you want to gain their respect.
Understand that some people just won't get it. It's great when you can impress people with your sharp wit, but sometimes you’ll encounter someone who just doesn’t get your sense of humor or references. They might look confused, and ask you to explain something that you thought was a clever pop-culture nod. But that's okay! The beauty of humanity lies in its diversity.
- Humor varies from person to person. If your joke falls flat, simply remain polite, excuse yourself, and save the awkwardness for a future stand-up comedy routine.
Trust in your friends. There’s a reason why they stick by your side. The quirks and traits you dislike about yourself might be the very things your friends find charming. Trust them to love you for who you truly are, and stop trying to present only the 'best' version of yourself to the world. If you want to be cool, you have to believe that the people around you genuinely appreciate you for the real you.
- It’s not cool to hang out with people you think are ‘cool’ just because you believe it’ll make you appear cool by association. Life doesn’t work like that.
Don’t fear standing out by being different. Whether it's standing up for yourself, supporting others, or taking an interest in something unconventional, like learning an instrument, embrace what makes you unique. The most cool individuals are often those who challenge norms and make others rethink the status quo. Insecure people might feel jealous and try to divert attention away from you, but the key is not to engage with their negativity.
- The most important thing to remember is to never smile in weakness; just casually dismiss their remarks as if they aren’t worth your time.
Be self-aware. It's important to differentiate between letting others' opinions affect your self-esteem and being mindful of how you come across. This involves understanding how others perceive you, both in terms of physical appearance and demeanor. Pay attention to details like food stuck in your teeth, bad breath, body odor, or toilet paper stuck to your shoe. In terms of attitude, maintain a positive demeanor, stand tall, smile, be polite, and considerate.
- Your body language speaks volumes. People will form opinions about you based on how you carry yourself. For instance, standing tall and holding your head high signals confidence to everyone around you.
- Being aware of how you come across at school, during a game, or at a party helps you adjust your actions accordingly. This doesn’t mean you need to change who you are, but if you’re monopolizing a conversation and boring people, being aware allows you to dial it back a little.
Take a breath and relax. Seriously. Constantly telling yourself that you're not good at socializing only builds up anxiety, making it even harder the next time you need to talk to someone. That anxiety will take over, and soon enough, you're trapped in a cycle of nervousness. If you're always worried about what could go wrong, you'll miss out on everything that's going right in a conversation.
- When you're nervous, others can sense it, and they’ll reflect that same energy, making everyone feel more anxious. Instead, stay calm. Be the person who brings tranquility to others. When people feel more at ease around you, they’ll be drawn to your presence.
- It’s okay to vent to a close friend if you need to now and then. Just don’t make it a habit of always freaking out.
- For more tips on how to be naturally cool, check out what Mytour readers recommend in the forum post, "How to be effortlessly cool."
How to Look Cool
Present yourself positively. Walk with good posture and maintain eye contact when you speak to people directly. Slouching or looking down at your feet makes people less likely to respect you. To gain respect, you need to look and feel confident in your own skin. Also, don’t rush. Walking too fast can make you seem like you’re trying to escape.
- Smile genuinely and often. A warm, authentic smile makes you seem approachable, confident, and easygoing. Confident, friendly, and relaxed people are naturally more attractive than those who seem tense or distant.
Stay fit! Being physically fit can boost your self-esteem and give you a fresh, positive outlook on life. You don’t need to have a six-pack to be cool, but maintaining a healthy body is undeniably cool. Try to incorporate regular exercise into your routine, whether it's hitting the gym or playing sports. Eating healthy also makes a huge difference. Having energy and the ability to stay involved in multiple activities is something that doesn’t come naturally to everyone, so stay active! With dedication, you'll see the rewards.
- Remember, you can’t please everyone. Do your best, but don’t let others’ judgments get to you. There are countless ways people try to bring you down. Learn to recognize them and block them out. Focus on being happy with who you are and doing what makes you happy.
Good hygiene is key. Make sure to brush your teeth every morning and night. And whenever possible, after meals as well. A little bit of cologne or perfume goes a long way—just don’t overdo it. Shower daily and use deodorant to stay fresh. Apply lotion to prevent your skin from getting dry, and use lip balm if your lips are chapped. Washing your face every morning keeps you looking clean and pimple-free.
- You don’t have to spend hours getting ready to be cool, but 20–30 minutes for a good shower and grooming routine won’t hurt you.
Show confidence through body language. If you want to appear cool, your body language has to exude confidence at all times. When conversing with someone, maintain eye contact, use your hands to emphasize points, and stand or sit up straight. Even if you're feeling a bit nervous, a smile goes a long way. Avoid fidgeting or staring at the floor—these subtle cues can make you seem unsure of yourself and reduce the impact of your words.
Discover your own unique style. As long as your personality shines through, wear what makes you feel comfortable. Some people have managed to attract girlfriends while rocking sweats daily. Even those considered "uncool" sometimes end up being the most interesting because the concept of cool varies widely. That’s a perfect example of true coolness.
- You don’t need to follow every trend to be cool. You just need to look comfortable and confident in what you wear, no matter what it is.
Join the conversation...
Look, I’m not the coolest person in the world. I think I’m funny, I’m decent looking, and I’m a pretty nice guy—but let’s be real, I know I’m not cool. How do those truly cool people come across as so relaxed and effortlessly awesome? How can I get that "cool kid" vibe? I'm a high school guy, by the way, if that helps.
Anonymous WikiGlade
I’m just a laid-back person
Anonymous WikiRiver
As a guy, and I don’t mean to be stereotypical, but most guys are perceived as cool when they appear bored or nonchalant (I just cringed typing that). When you're in a conversation, try not to seem too eager. Instead, make a few casual comments and let others do most of the talking. For instance, if someone mentions their favorite football team that you also like, just say something like “Yeah? They’re my favorite too.” People enjoy sharing their interests with others. Also, use social media platforms like Snapchat and stay active in multiple group chats to keep up with gossip and stay relevant in your school’s social circle.
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Read Discussion-
Stay calm and composed. Avoid being overly excited, obnoxiously loud, or clingy.
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Don’t wait around for others to invite you to hang out. Take the initiative and invite them over. But make sure you’re prepared. Don’t have them come over and then not know what to do. That’s a huge turn-off, and they probably won’t want to visit again.
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Be kind, not rude. Don’t respond with snarky comebacks when someone is being mean. Be outgoing, let your voice be heard, and stand up for yourself and others.
The advice in this section comes from the real-life experiences of Mytour readers like you. If you have a helpful tip to share, feel free to submit it in the field below.
- Be true to yourself because you genuinely like who you are, not just because others approve of you. That’s what makes you someone others will want to be around.
- Self-confidence is key to being cool. When you’re confident in who you are, you’ve already done half the work in looking cool.
- Don’t try to appear cool to impress others. People will appreciate you more for simply being your authentic self.
- Don’t be a bully. Cool people are kind and treat others with respect and fairness.
Warnings
- Don’t define your coolness by making others feel uncool. Doing that will only earn you more enemies than friends. No one will truly respect someone who constantly tries to boss people around or put them down. They might fear you, but respect? Not so much.
- Not everyone around you is a good influence. You can be cool without having to be in the “most popular” crowd.
- Always stand up for others and never bully anyone. To be truly cool means being liked and respected by everyone, including those who might not hold the highest social rank.
