How to be happy and love yourself, even when others put you down

Responding with tact. Learn to be assertive and behave tactfully by pointing out harmful, contradictory opinions in a gentle manner, leading to positive outcomes. This is an important step in dealing with being belittled by others. Cultivate your energy by standing up for yourself and changing your environment to prevent future mistreatment.

• Assertiveness is very different from aggressiveness. Try to speak clearly and maintain eye contact as someone who listens and absorbs.
• Assertive communication can enhance confidence, earn respect from others, improve decision-making, and conflict resolution skills.

Accepting Reality. People are often very different from each other, making it difficult to agree on a single perspective. You will encounter many individuals who don't evoke any particularly positive feeling when you're around them, and others will feel the same way about you. It's important to understand that while not everyone is meant to be your friend, this doesn’t make you or anyone else a bad person. Incompatibility is simply a part of life that we can learn to face—either with tolerance and tact or with defense and ruthlessness. When someone brings you down, the issue lies with them, not you. Here are the top reasons people might criticize you:

• They feel threatened by your abilities, attractiveness, etc. So they are trying to level the playing field.
• They have concerns about your motives, skill level, work performance, or contributions.
• They think you're not doing your fair share of the work or not participating in teamwork.
• Their intense needs are unmet and unsatisfied.
• They have a controlling nature and assign blame in teamwork.
• They think they deserve special treatment but don’t feel they are getting it.
• They want to bring you down to elevate themselves or to flatter the boss.
• They feel insecure and are trying to fix things but have overdone it.
• They believe you're humiliating them in front of others.

Keep Multiple Options Open. When we feel hurt or humiliated, it's easy to fall into the victim mentality, thinking that we can't change our negative emotions. It's important to recognize that there are always many ways to improve the situation. Think about the options you have to respond and adopt a more creative approach.

• For instance, if a friend at school constantly belittles you in front of others, remember you always have the choice to ignore the troublemaker. If you feel this isn’t the best way to handle it, find someone who can intervene to help you in some way.
• In public forums, such as a meeting, you might want to debate the value of a decision or task, and correct any misconceptions.
• With family or friends, you may want to express that you truly want to understand their concerns, but you don’t always have to agree. Depending on the situation, you could assertively say, 'Let’s just accept the disagreement.'
• With children or teenagers showing aggression, you might need to acknowledge that their emotions are valid, but they need to learn how to respect others more.

Learn to Turn the Situation Around. If someone embarrasses you, you might feel ashamed, sad, or overwhelmed by a sense of injustice. You shouldn't suppress these feelings, but at the same time, recognize that there is always another path rather than feeling stuck. Consider your humiliation as a practice to become stronger, to face anything that might come your way at any time.

• After all, life always presents us with situations we don't have to choose, and we can choose to respond differently—either by dwelling on the sorrow or by embracing the pain as a chance to learn to let go.
• Reflect on what has happened to you. Ask yourself based on your own values: What went well? What did I not do well? What could I do better next time?
• Try practicing mindfulness meditation in the present moment. This can be helpful to escape the painful emotions, and take a moment to reflect on what the act of belittling you says about the person who did it.

Consider not falling into the trap of negative thinking. It would be more helpful if you learn to examine the reality of what has happened, and realize that we can rise after being pushed down by others. Recognize when we distort our thoughts, exaggerating situations, and forming negative judgments about our circumstances. Here are some examples of thought patterns that make it harder to look at things realistically:

• Predicting the future means assuming things will go terribly wrong without any actual basis for this assumption.
• All-or-nothing thinking happens when we view things with harsh judgments. With this mindset, everything is either good or bad (even though reality shows us that situations are often too complex for such simplistic judgments).
• Mind reading involves assuming we know what others are thinking (usually the worst possible things about us!). In reality, we can never truly know what others are thinking.
• Labeling occurs when we use simple terms like "stupid" or "ugly" to label behaviors, situations, or people, reducing something that is complex and multifaceted to just a single word. Labeling tends to be a negative behavior and often blinds us to other aspects of the situation.

Find meaning in being put down by others. It's easy to ask yourself, "Why me?" in difficult situations. Being stuck in the "Why me?" mindset can make it hard to recognize the lessons that always come with hardship. Try shifting your perspective by changing the question from "Why me?" to "What can I learn about why and how some people put others down?" or "What can I do to prevent the cruelty I've experienced?"

• The most resilient individuals know how to analyze the different aspects of the pain they've endured and the messages they receive from life’s challenges. This means that, despite how uncomfortable it feels, the situation has a meaning.

Laugh to alleviate being put down. In many situations, being put down doesn't impact who you are or what actually occurred. In such cases, being put down might not even be worth worrying about or getting upset over what could have been done differently.

• Think about the absurdity of judging yourself based on a single incident. It's meaningless to think that one mistake or one person’s opinion defines who you are, right?
• Try smiling at the fact that you are much more complex than one instance of being put down could ever show.

Shift your focus to what you can control. There are many things beyond our control, including other people's decisions. Therefore, you’ll recover more easily if you rediscover your ability to create a positive impact. Do something within your control, like an art project or a challenging new task at work or school. Keep track of your commitment to something (and give it your all!) to remind yourself that you can contribute a lot of good to the world around you.

Seek social support. Friends, family, and other supportive relationships are crucial to your ability to recover after being humiliated. Make sure you have people around you who will listen without judging your experiences.

• Maintain close supportive relationships, even when they cannot physically be near you. When you feel pushed around by life, think of your friends. What positive traits have they shown you about yourself? How do you feel when you're around them? And you can truly be yourself when you’re with them, even if they’re not physically present.

Know when to seek external help. If you're repeatedly humiliated by the same person or group, you may be facing threats or bullying. Bullying is a serious criminal act. It's important to reach out to a teacher, parent, or counselor to intervene and put an end to the problem. Here are some signs that you may be experiencing bullying and need assistance:

• You are being demeaned through actions like threats, spreading rumors, physical or verbal attacks, or exclusionary tactics.
• The person bullying you is stronger than you in terms of physical strength, social status, or access to information that could harm or trouble you.
• These actions occur repeatedly and may continue in the future.

Overcome feelings of shame. If you're working on loving yourself more, shame is one of the worst enemies right now – it tells you that being yourself is inherently wrong or bad. Since shame often targets the aspects of yourself that you try to hide, writing down your true feelings (even if they make you feel embarrassed or disgusted) can help you understand that your genuine emotions aren't wrong. When journaling, write about the difficulties and suffering you've encountered, including any self-judgment.

• In every painful moment or experience, try to gain a fresh perspective through the lens of compassion. Reflect on what you've learned from what happened and be generous with yourself regarding your actions. Understand that you have many opportunities to respond to situations in various ways.
• Try journaling daily for a few weeks to become more comfortable with your own viewpoints and thoughts. You may be surprised when you read your journal later – you'll see that the person who wrote it is actually interesting and sensitive!

Learn to accept yourself. In a world so focused on progress and improvement, it’s easy to forget the importance of accepting aspects of ourselves that we can’t change. You have unique talents and flaws that shape who you are. Accepting yourself and your feelings, rather than avoiding them, will help you make the most of what you have. This will help you uncover your true self and potential (not just what you think you "should" be capable of).

• This acceptance directly contributes to self-love by reducing the shame that often tells us we are not good enough or that we could be much better people if we felt and acted differently.
• One thing everyone must accept is that the past cannot be changed or denied. So focus on the future – what you can truly control is how you learn from and react to the present situation.

Develop your sense of self-worth. Strong values will enrich your life and give it deeper meaning. By understanding your own worth, you will better comprehend the world around you. Your values will also serve as a guide when you're put down, helping you recognize the serious impact it has on you, and also when a failure is just a minor setback that can be overlooked.

• For example, if your values prioritize celebrating achievements, you might go to a restaurant with friends to celebrate a promotion. You notice someone staring at you from the next table because you're wearing a shiny party hat. Who cares? You're acting according to your own values, not following someone else’s standards for how to celebrate appropriately.

Take responsibility for your overall health. Are you actively working to maintain habits that contribute to your overall lifestyle? Pay attention to the small, important things that can easily be disrupted, and take care of yourself as if you were caring for a loved one (because you are indeed a loved one to yourself!).

• Are you eating well? Ask yourself if you're consistently providing your body with the nutritious foods it needs.
• Are you getting enough sleep? Do you often feel tired in the mornings because you lack a regular sleep routine?
• What about exercise? Aim for 30 minutes of cardiovascular activity daily to boost your mood, overall function, and reduce the risk of chronic diseases.

Focus on your hobbies. Take time to learn something you want or nurture an existing interest and passion. Discover your talents and passions and set aside dedicated time each week to engage in activities you enjoy. You might want to write short stories or cook the meal your mom used to make when you were younger. By simply reconnecting with your favorite activities, you enrich your world with desires that you may have overlooked while working, studying, and managing stress.

Learn to relax. In the fast-paced rhythm of modern life, relaxation is often hard to achieve – but it is also crucial because opportunities for it are rare. By intentionally taking steps to relax, you're giving yourself a wonderful gift and affirming to yourself that you deserve to unwind. Here are some relaxation methods you can explore to gather a range of effective techniques when needed:

• Mindfulness meditation
• Yoga
• Deep breathing
• Progressive muscle relaxation