Buzz
As the use of both medicinal and recreational marijuana becomes more common across the United States, you might eventually find yourself in a relationship with a stoner. As long as their habit hasn’t turned into an addiction, dating a stoner can be just like any other relationship. With patience, empathy, and a bit of understanding, you can create a healthy and rewarding connection with that special stoner in your life.
Steps
Getting to Know Each Other
Understand yourself first. Building a solid relationship with anyone requires a certain level of self-awareness. Not only will this reduce the emotional baggage and strain you bring into the relationship, but it will also give you clarity on what you're looking for in a partner.
- Clarify your core values. Take some time to reflect on what's most important in your life and your vision for the future. Jotting them down can help. Consider questions like: “What do I value most in a relationship?” “What are my non-negotiables?” and “What’s my preferred communication style?”
- Define the type of relationship you're seeking. Are you interested in a short-term fling or a long-lasting, committed partnership? Is your partner’s marijuana use something you can accept? If not, it may be wise to move on early in the dating process.
Evaluate your compatibility with your date. At the start of a relationship, it's easy to get caught up in trying to impress your date, but the real focus should be on compatibility.
- Instead of worrying about how the date is progressing, think about the common ground you share. Do you both have similar interests and aspirations? Is the conversation smooth, or do you find yourselves struggling with uncomfortable silences?
Ask plenty of questions. While it's important not to interrogate your date, getting to know them better is key. Regardless of your attraction to them, be mindful of potential red flags like signs of aggression, hints of unstable relationships, or any addiction concerns. Although marijuana isn't a “gateway drug” leading to more dangerous substances, it’s still wise to stay alert for any signs of trouble in the relationship.
- Don't be overly concerned if your date mentions their marijuana use early on. About 49% of Americans have tried it, and it's the most commonly used illicit drug in the U.S.
Don’t judge your date for being a stoner. Although the stigma surrounding marijuana use is slowly fading (especially in the United States), many still hold onto stereotypes about stoners being lazy, unkempt, or only interested in getting high. These assumptions, however, don’t apply to all stoners, and going into a relationship with such preconceptions will only prevent you from seeing and appreciating the person for who they truly are.
Building a Strong Foundation
Exercise patience. Patience is key in any relationship, but it’s especially important when dating a stoner, as marijuana is known to impair short-term memory temporarily.
- If your partner asks you to repeat something, remember that they may be under the influence of a substance that affects their ability to form new memories, so don’t take it personally.
Understand the reasons behind your partner's marijuana use. Many people enjoy marijuana recreationally, while others use it for medical purposes. Have an open conversation with your partner to learn more about their reasons for using cannabis.
- There are numerous medical conditions that cannabis can help treat or relieve, such as skin issues, various types of cancer, anorexia, chronic pain, sleep disorders, eye diseases, and more. While your partner may simply enjoy the high, they could also be managing an underlying health issue that you should be aware of.
Take the time to learn about marijuana and its effects. Don’t hesitate to ask your partner and do some independent research to better understand how marijuana works. This effort can strengthen your relationship by providing you with a clearer understanding of your partner’s experience.
- Marijuana typically induces feelings of euphoria and relaxation by releasing dopamine in the brain, but it can also cause side effects such as paranoia, heightened sensitivity to sounds and lights, increased appetite, anxiety, faster heartbeat, difficulty concentrating, decreased coordination, and a shorter attention span. After the high, there’s often a “come down” period where the user might feel tired or down. While these are common effects, each person reacts differently, so be sure to discuss with your partner how it personally impacts them.
Familiarize yourself with the marijuana laws. Marijuana laws differ from state to state, and knowing the specific rules will help protect both you and your partner. If you live in a state where a certain amount of marijuana is legal to carry, make sure your partner doesn’t exceed that limit.
- Four states—Colorado, Washington, Oregon, and Alaska—have legalized marijuana, while 14 others have decriminalized possession. Additionally, 23 states (including Washington, DC) now permit medical marijuana. However, marijuana remains illegal at the federal level.
Keeping the Relationship Strong
Establish clear boundaries. Talk openly with your partner about what you’re comfortable with and what you aren’t. Setting boundaries helps maintain the balance in the relationship and prevents feelings of resentment.
- If you’re not comfortable with smoke, let them know! If your partner values your feelings (as any good partner should), they can smoke before or after spending time with you, or choose other ways to consume marijuana, like eating edibles.
Find a middle ground. If you've chosen to continue dating a stoner, it's important to respect your partner’s choice to smoke. However, if you feel their marijuana use is harming your relationship, seek ways to compromise.
- Compromise requires effort from both sides, but you can start by initiating a conversation about the changes you'd like to see. Avoid starting an argument or criticizing harshly. Instead, offer constructive suggestions for improvement and be open to hearing your partner’s perspective.
- For example, if you feel like you rarely experience your partner sober, propose having sober dates occasionally. Unless your partner needs to be high due to a medical condition, spending time together without substances can help strengthen your connection and let you both get to know each other more deeply.
Understand the difference between compromise and sacrificing your values. Never allow your partner to push you into situations that go against your core beliefs, especially when it comes to their drug use.
- For instance, if they try to pressure you into using marijuana with them or ask if they can store drugs in your home, it may be time to seriously consider if this relationship is right for you.
Enjoy fun moments together. A great benefit of dating a stoner is that many tend to be easygoing and enjoy fun activities.
- For example, you can satisfy their munchies by exploring a new bakery or surprising them with homemade treats!
-
While marijuana can be helpful for various health conditions, smoking it regularly can still lead to respiratory issues. If your partner smokes often and you’re concerned about their health, suggest healthier alternatives. You could recommend consuming marijuana through edibles or vaping, which uses a special device to heat marijuana at a lower temperature, filtering out harmful toxins like carbon monoxide that are present in regular smoke.
-
Never expect your partner to change drastically for you. This applies to all relationships—while offering positive feedback and suggesting healthier alternatives is helpful, never pressure them into choosing between you and their marijuana use.
Warnings
- Marijuana can lead to addiction. Research has found that almost 10% of users become dependent on it. If you suspect your partner’s marijuana use has turned into an addiction or is affecting their ability to function daily, consider reaching out for professional assistance.
- Never let your partner drive under the influence. Marijuana slows down reaction times, and studies have revealed that driving after using marijuana significantly increases the likelihood of being involved in a car accident, more than doubling the risk.
