How to Be Less Awkward

Have you ever been that girl who accidentally walked into a glass door in front of a room full of people, or that guy who nervously tried to start a conversation with the girl of your dreams, only to end up talking about your favorite rock collection? If that's the case, don't worry – feeling awkward is just part of life, and everyone goes through it. If you're looking to ease your discomfort and improve your social skills, follow these simple steps.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone. If you're so shy that you can't even bring yourself to say hello to your neighbor, it might be hard to imagine stepping out and interacting more with people. However, the more time you spend engaging with others, the more comfortable you’ll become in social situations, and the less likely you'll feel worried about saying or doing something awkward. Make it a goal to interact with people more, and don't just hide inside.

• Join different groups, such as a student press club, a tennis team, or a youth group, and learn to mingle with people who have various interests and backgrounds.
• If you're uncomfortable in group settings, start by inviting a friend or acquaintance for coffee or a casual hangout. Getting to know people one-on-one will help build your confidence for group interactions.
• Don’t stay silent. Even when you're in a room full of people, you can still feel like you're invisible. You don’t have to aim to be the life of the party if you’re naturally shy, but try to speak up a little more so others notice you, and you’ll feel more at ease when they respond.

Stop Worrying About What Others Think – Or Looking Like You’re Worried. While this may seem impossible, even stars like Đàm Vĩnh Hưng and Hồ Ngọc Hà can’t fully ignore what others think of them. However, you can still work on caring less about others’ opinions. You’ll never overcome social awkwardness if you’re paralyzed by the fear of saying or doing something wrong just to avoid upsetting, boring, or annoying anyone around you.

Build Your Self-Confidence. Although boosting your self-confidence isn’t an easy task, you must make an effort to take pride in who you are. Shyness often stems from the feeling that you don’t fully understand the situation or know how to act around people who seem to have it all together. Yes, only when you realize that you're no worse than anyone else around you can you interact with others as equals.

Learn Social Norms. Another reason people feel awkward is because they’re unsure how to behave in social situations and often end up saying the wrong thing or missing social cues. There’s no manual that can perfectly teach you social norms and how to reduce awkwardness, but you can gain more insight by following these suggestions:

Embrace Your Awkwardness. You don’t need to be as smooth as James Dean to win people’s affection. In fact, your clumsiness, like spilling food on yourself, can make you endearing to others. While it’s okay to improve your communication skills, don’t try too hard to appear polished, as people will see through it and know you’re not being genuine. Embracing your awkwardness doesn’t mean constantly saying ‘I’m so clumsy,’ but rather being comfortable when you’re not always graceful in your interactions.

Don't arrive too early or too late. This may seem insignificant, but often awkwardness in social interactions arises from miscalculating the timing. If you arrive too early for an event and you're the first one there, you might find yourself awkwardly speaking with the organizer with nothing to say, or feeling like you're in the way. On the other hand, arriving too late means others have already started chatting, making it harder to join in.

• If you're attending a party, arriving exactly on time may make you seem overly eager. It's better to wait about 15 minutes after the scheduled time before arriving, unless the event has strict timing rules. Of course, don't be so late that it seems rude.

Show interest, but don't seek attention. This is a golden rule when meeting new people. You might be eager to share a thrilling event you just read about or impress someone with your vast knowledge of Italian cuisine, but to foster good interaction, you should focus on showing interest in the other person's life rather than dominating the conversation with your own stories. Here are some ways to express interest without coming on too strong at the beginning of a conversation:

• If the person is reading a book, ask if they like it.
• If you meet someone wearing a sweater with their school's emblem, ask if they recently came from there and what they think about the school.
• You can ask someone where they're heading if you happen to bump into them, which could lead to a conversation about their interests.
• Ask someone about their plans for the weekend.

Ask specific and open-ended questions. When showing interest in others, you shouldn't ask random questions that just pop into your head, as they might seem casual or even rude. Instead, ask questions that prompt longer answers and show you're genuinely trying to understand them. Avoid asking yes/no questions unless you're ready to respond immediately. Here are some question ideas:

• "This racket looks great. How long have you been playing tennis?"
• "Mary's parties are always fantastic. How do you know her?"
• "I love the book 'The Catcher in the Rye.' Did you read it for fun or for class? What did you think of it?"
• "What did you think of Mr. Peterson's test? I didn't expect it to be that difficult."

Master the art of small talk. To get to know new people, you need to master the art of small talk. It may seem trivial, but small talk is exactly what helps you connect with others and allows for more meaningful discussions as the conversation progresses. Being skilled in small talk means being able to steer the conversation smoothly from topic to topic and recognizing when the other person wants to talk about something specific. Here are some key tips to remember during casual conversation:

• Make the other person feel comfortable. Smile, don't lean in too close, and show you're genuinely engaged in the conversation.
• Reveal small details about yourself. Mention that you enjoy volleyball, that you grew up in Da Nang, or that your favorite subject is history – give the other person a little nugget to continue the conversation.
• Be a good listener. If they mention having a younger sister, for example, you can bring that up when talking about siblings: “You mentioned you have a younger sister. Are you close in age?” This shows you're paying attention.
• Invite the other person into the conversation. Make sure you're asking questions and keeping the conversation balanced rather than dominating the talk, but also don't let them monopolize the time either.

Avoid personal topics at first. Once you get to know someone, you can begin discussing more private matters. However, in the early stages, it's best to steer clear of these topics to avoid making the other person uncomfortable. One reason people feel awkward is when they bring up a topic that clearly makes the other person uneasy, yet they don't realize why. Here are some topics you should avoid when talking to someone for the first time:

• Significant breakups
• The death of a loved one
• Sexual experiences
• Personal health issues you might have
• Highly personal struggles
• Embarrassing moments

Don’t overshare about your own life. Talking too much about yourself often leads the conversation to overly private territory. You might find yourself in an awkward situation if the other person doesn't have much to say, causing you to ramble on endlessly, only to later wonder, 'How did I end up talking about my grandmother's bronchitis?' While you might think that filling the silence with anything that comes to mind keeps the conversation going, it's actually better to pause and gently shift the topic to something more comfortable. Here are some things you should avoid sharing with someone you just met, unless you're willing to dive into private matters:

• Your deepest, unspoken dreams
• Deep conflicts with your parents
• Your unhappy childhood
• Negative emotions like sadness, loneliness, or isolation
• Strange marks on your arms
• The time you got so drunk you threw up

Observe the other person to avoid annoying them. You should gauge the other person's style of conversation before attempting to crack a crude joke or make a harsh criticism of a former president. Remember that each person has a unique perspective, and not everyone shares your views on politics, religion, or even sports. While you may both belong to the same social group, that doesn’t mean you have the same opinions about others. Here are some topics to avoid in order to prevent making a new acquaintance uncomfortable:

• Off-color jokes
• Harsh criticism of the current or former president
• Comments about the existence or non-existence of God
• Criticizing someone you both know
• Disparaging remarks about a sports team that they might support
• Inside jokes shared with others
• Any vague comments that might make the other person think, 'I need to figure out where that odd comment came from…'

Don’t be too eager. Feeling awkward in front of friends or strangers is difficult enough, but being nervous around someone you really like can feel even worse. However, there are a few things you can do to remain composed in front of someone you’re smitten with, starting with staying calm and not acting like an overzealous puppy eager to cling to anyone passing by. Here are a few tips on how to appear composed without being too eager:

• Smile and say hello, but don't initiate a hug unless you're in a situation where that's appropriate. If you're unsure, wait for them to offer the hug first.
• If you spot them entering the classroom, approach them if you're nearby, but don't run across the entire building just to say hi—this might make you seem like you're following them.
• Don’t enthusiastically nod in agreement with everything they say, thinking it shows interest. Offering thoughtful responses will be more effective than just nodding.
• Don’t laugh at every little thing they say—especially if they aren’t trying to be funny.

Give specific compliments. To avoid awkwardness in conversation, it's important to distinguish between flattery and genuine compliments. Don't tell a girl, 'Your hair is so soft and bouncy, I just want to run my fingers through it,' unless you're okay with her walking away. Instead, try something like: 'I love your hairstyle. It makes you look like (insert the name of a beautiful actress here).' A compliment should make the other person feel like you are paying attention to them, not trying too hard to flatter them.

• 'You have such a beautiful smile' or 'Your laugh is so cheerful' are effective compliments.
• Praising a girl's outfit or jewelry can make her feel special.
• Complimenting someone's qualities, like their sense of humor, will go a long way.
• Don't overdo the compliments. If you're constantly praising someone, it can become annoying and even tiresome for them.

Control your body language. One of the most awkward gestures in communication is standing too close to someone, especially if you're hoping to kiss them. You can stand close if you want to show affection, but leaning in too much until the other person has to step back won't make you more likable.

• Keep a comfortable distance and occasionally use hand gestures to make the conversation more lively.
• Make eye contact, but remember to look away occasionally to avoid creating tension.
• Don't touch a girl's hair unless you're invited to. She probably won't appreciate it.

Make the other person feel comfortable. Remember, the person you're interested in will respond to your emotions, and they might also feel a bit awkward. You should try to make them feel at ease by being friendly, laughing when they make a humorous comment, and reacting according to their tone. If they say something funny, laugh; if they seem serious, hold back your big smile. Your goal is to make them feel like you're on the same emotional wavelength and that you're not trying to manipulate the situation.

• If your crush is your guest, help them feel comfortable by offering a seat, a drink, or some snacks.
• Making jokes about yourself will make them feel more at ease.
• If they accidentally spill or drop something, say, 'I do that all the time.' This helps lighten the mood.

Know when it's time to leave. Often, communication awkwardness stems from poor timing, so it's important to know when to arrive and when to exit. When talking to someone you like, you should leave 'before' the conversation runs out of steam, when it's still enjoyable. This will leave the person wanting to talk to you again next time.

• If they clearly seem uninterested in continuing the conversation, by checking their watch or looking around for their friends, politely say goodbye.
• If you're not welcomed, just say, 'It was really nice talking to you,' and avoid saying, 'I know I’m not wanted here,' as that will make the situation worse.
• If the conversation is going well, say, 'I hope to see you again soon' and leave with your head held high.

• Avoid lingering around and staring at others. This will only make you feel more awkward, and staring for too long will definitely come off as strange.
• Don't hesitate to make an impression. If you have something to say, just say it. Pausing too much will make you appear even more uncomfortable, but be mindful of your choice of words.
• Once you've met one person, engage with more people. Invite someone nearby to join the conversation. It's important to not only talk to one person.
• Always pay attention to your appearance. If your hair is messy or your outfit is too loud, people will get the impression that you're odd and may not be interested in getting to know you.