How to Be Liked

Be content with yourself. You’ve probably heard this a million times: To be liked by others, you must first like yourself. Easier said than done, right? But it’s absolutely true – think about someone you know who has low self-esteem. They might come across as negative, overly sensitive, and not the type of person others find enjoyable to be around. If they were more comfortable with themselves, the world would treat them differently.

• Write down a list of your positive qualities. Do something that makes you happy and confident. Don’t shy away from trying new or scary things. And don’t skip this step – it’s crucial. You don’t need to become an extrovert or a comedian; you just need to learn to value yourself.

Be honest. Once you’ve learned to be content with yourself, strive to maintain this attitude. Wearing a fake mask and trying to act like someone you’re not will only exhaust you and make you less appealing. Your true self, flaws and all, is your best self. Instead of being a second-rate version of someone else, be the first-rate version of yourself. Why try to be someone else?

• Believe it or not, studies show that showing vulnerability in front of others can make them like and trust you more! If you think about it, it makes sense: you’re not afraid to show your real self, and that self is just like them. You’re not perfect, and that’s a relief. The more genuine you are, the better.

Show enthusiasm. Let’s get to the heart of it: Imagine you’re spending time with someone, and they’re going through the motions without showing any emotion. Would you want to keep engaging with them? Of course not. Life works the same way! People are drawn to those who bring excitement. And there’s no reason you can’t be that person.

• Once you realize that even the smallest things in life can be thrilling, your enthusiasm will shine through. Life is short, after all. Not every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had (it might even be the worst), but you can still get excited about it. Woo, coffee! Finally, my morning fix! How amazing!

Be curious. This mainly means showing curiosity about others, but also about the world around you. When faced with something, truly think about it. Don’t just accept it at face value. If something piques your interest, dig deeper. This applies not only to ideas but also to understanding people.

• So, the next time you meet someone who’s 24 and they tell you about their time crafting chainmail or working as a sous chef at your favorite French restaurant, act amazed. Subtly express your curiosity and ask them to elaborate. Be genuinely interested! You’re excited to learn more.

Maintain personal hygiene. Unless you live on a deserted island, people generally prefer to be around those who are clean. Scientists haven’t quite figured out why, but it’s a fact. So, remember to shower regularly, brush your teeth, and dress neatly. People won’t want to spend time with you if you don’t take care of yourself.

• Go the extra mile with your hygiene (hint: it’s more than just showering). People notice appearances more than they should. If you’ve read Malcolm Gladwell’s "Blink," you’ll know about the Woodrow Wilson effect (and why his authoritative look helped him win an election). Even if you haven’t read it, you’ve probably heard of JFK Airport and can connect the dots. Like it or not, looking good has its advantages. It’s just how things are.

Understand how to interact with others and why it matters. People interact on three levels: verbal, nonverbal, and paraverbal. You’re probably familiar with the first two, right? But paraverbal is about how you say your words—your tone, pitch, and rhythm. These matter just as much!

• Start by observing someone who excels at all three levels. How do they engage with others? Do they seem approachable even when alone? What do they talk about, and how do they present it? Once you notice their behavior, observe your own. What can you adapt to improve your interactions?

Understand the differences between men and women. While this holds true in any setting, it’s especially noticeable in the workplace. Traits that make someone likable differ between genders. A man can be assertive or even angry, and it’s seen as passion; a woman displaying the same behavior might be viewed as losing control. Carefully consider any advice you receive or observations you make, and always factor in gender dynamics.

• While not always the case, it’s often true that women are more likable when they’re slightly gentler. Think about Hillary Clinton. She faced more scrutiny than most. Why? Because she operated like a man in a man’s world, even though she wasn’t one. She’s still an incredible woman and a role model, so if you’re a woman, aim to strike a balance between Hillary Clinton and June Cleaver.

Genuinely care for others. Show interest in their hobbies and passions. When people see that you truly like them, they’ll like you back. Humans are funny creatures—sometimes they only make sense in hindsight!

• If someone walks into a room and you light up with a smile, they’ll notice. Isn’t it great to receive positive reactions from others? You have the power to make others feel warm and valued simply because you care about them. This doesn’t make you vulnerable; it makes you authentic.

Be sincere. Be kind. Mean what you say. Don’t annoy others, and don’t let them catch you lying or manipulating. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Sincerity and kindness can help you succeed in any situation.

• Start by being as patient and polite as possible with everyone. Listen to them and offer help if you can. Help others because you genuinely want to, not because you expect something in return. No matter how bad your mood is, always be kind. Remember, even when you don’t feel like it, being kind and sincere can improve your own mood.

Get others to talk about themselves. Most people love talking about themselves. They enjoy having someone listen to their stories. Unfortunately, many people are just waiting for a chance to steer the conversation toward their own interests. Use this to your advantage by letting them talk! Ask about their lives and let them ramble on.

• For example, you meet Tam at work and ask, "Did you have a good weekend?" He replies, "Yeah, it was nice. I spent time with my family." Instead of saying, "Oh, that sounds fun," use an open-ended question. Say, "Oh, do you not see your family often?" This way, he’ll quickly tell you about his cousin’s recent move. As long as you seem interested, he’ll keep talking!

Make fun of yourself. This can be tricky—if you take it too seriously, people might wonder if you’re joking or genuinely dislike yourself. However, if you keep a smile on your face, you’ll be fine. When Conan O'Brien joked about Michael Phelps getting "fat," he added, "If he’s fat, I must have died five years ago." Showing that you’re lighthearted and willing to laugh at yourself is an incredibly endearing quality.

• Being able to take a joke is a valuable trait. When people get to know each other, they often use playful teasing to build camaraderie. If you can handle this for others, it shows you’re fun, flexible, and comfortable with yourself.
• Remember to mix in other forms of humor! You can absolutely do this. If you can use humor that brings the group together, even better. Making people feel like equals helps them relax around you. So, make them laugh!

Flirt and compliment. Everyone loves being flirted with. It simply makes them feel good. Flirting is fun and makes us feel noticed because we’re attractive. What could be better than that? The only downside is when someone doesn’t reciprocate. So, take the lead and start flirting. People will see you as charming, approachable, and fun. It’s a win-win.

• Physical touch can create an instant bond. Think about someone greeting you with a wave versus a warm touch on the shoulder (maybe with a smile and eye contact). Which one feels more personal?

Make others feel special. You don’t need grand gestures. In fact, you shouldn’t. Small actions often carry more weight. Show genuine interest in others, and they’ll respond in kind.

• Use their name often. Practice this. As Dale Carnegie (author of How to Win Friends and Influence People) said, a person’s name is the sweetest sound to them. Plus, if you’ve just met, it helps you remember their name!
• Remember the details. Did your boss mention his daughter’s cookie sale last week? Ask how it went. You don’t need to be a dessert lover to show you care.

Don’t make it all about you. Sometimes, insecure people try to overcompensate by acting self-centered. They think being selfish makes them impressive. However, they should do the opposite—focus on others. They’ll feel more at ease and be more easily accepted!

• When complimented, just say "Thank you." If you’re tempted to list your achievements or drop names, resist. People don’t need to hear about your accomplishments or the famous people you’ve met. Let those details come up naturally in conversation. Don’t force them.

Be positive. You probably don’t need further explanation on this. Happiness and positivity are contagious. People naturally gravitate toward cheerful individuals. If you think positively about something, it brings comfort. While you might feel tempted to downplay yourself or appear intellectual by opposing everything (we all know this type), don’t. It’s not good for you, your wrinkles, or those around you.

• However (you know there are exceptions, right?), recognize when it’s okay to vent. Complaining can bond people. But don’t overdo it! Is your boss making everyone work overtime this Friday? That’s a valid time to complain. Did Chau eat the last piece of cake? Not worth it. Again, act appropriately.

Know when to end a conversation. No conversation in the world should drag on forever. None. Absolutely none. And some conversations should be shorter than others. When you sense the discussion winding down, wrap it up. Let the other person know you enjoyed the chat (unless it was terrible; in that case, why waste your time?) and say you’ll catch up later. Done. Over.

• If the conversation turns awkward, politely excuse yourself. A simple "Well, I’ve got to go. See you later!" won’t raise eyebrows. And don’t think you’re alone—17% of all conversations are awkward. Probably. Science will confirm this someday. Maybe.

Have good manners. When was the last time you met someone rude? If recently, they were probably a difficult relative. You had no choice. So, don’t act like your grumpy uncle. Say "please," "thank you," and hold the door for others. Can you think of a reason not to?

• You won’t impress anyone by treating those "below" you as inferior. Tip your server. Ask about her day. And don’t snap at the cashier to clean register 5. Be polite to everyone.

Control your emotions. The most likable people are calm, relaxed, and approachable. Others (especially strangers) lose interest if you come across as overly intense, difficult, or paranoid. Avoid getting angry when things don’t go your way. It only stresses you out and makes others uncomfortable.

• This doesn’t mean you should detach from others’ emotional needs, but help them in a pleasant, appropriate manner. People want to meet stable, cheerful individuals. Don’t act offended by harmless jokes, and keep a sense of humor about life in general.

Engage in social activities. Stepping out into the world is half the battle! For example, joining someone’s sports team gives you a chance to chat and show others you’re just like them. People like those who are similar to them! So, join a club or group and meet new people. You can’t win hearts by staying home alone.

• This also helps you meet people you’ll naturally click with. It’s hard to bond with strangers or those you have nothing in common with. Clubs or groups are perfect for testing your new social skills!

Smile and make eye contact. You can talk about the most beautiful, fascinating things in the world, but if you’re frowning and staring at your coffee cup, no one will want to engage. Soon, you’ll be the person in the corner talking to their drink. So, smile! Show others you’re approachable and enjoying yourself. And when they talk to you, look at them! Simple, right?

• When nervous, you might avoid eye contact. If this is a problem for you, make an effort to look at them. Otherwise, they might feel insulted—especially if they’re speaking! They won’t know your issue and will think you’re not paying attention. A good rule: if they’re talking about something important, maintain eye contact. For casual chats, it’s okay to glance away.

Expand your knowledge. To hold your own in conversations, use the right tone, open body language, and positivity, but if you don’t know what to say, you’ll feel useless. So, stay updated on trending topics! Watch TV and browse the internet. You’ll feel better knowing you’re ready with interesting topics.

• Everyone’s interests differ. Not everyone will share your passion for NASA’s latest discovery or tickets to a comedy gala. Stick to what you care about—that’s what truly matters.

Don’t overdo it. We all know the type: overly nice for their own gain. They constantly compliment others, change themselves to fit in, and can’t make decisions to avoid upsetting anyone. Don’t let others walk over you just to please them! People will like you more if you have backbone and self-worth. Without your own personality, no one can truly like you!

• Again: you don’t need to please everyone. You’ll click with some and not with others. That’s natural. So, if you don’t vibe with someone, don’t stress. You’ll find others who do.

Be confident because you’re amazing. If you think people don’t like you, it might just be in your head. You’re unique and valuable in this world. You just need to show it to realize your worth! So, take the leap! You can’t win if you don’t try.