How to Be More Friendly

Friendly individuals are always cheerful when meeting new people and appear approachable to both friends and acquaintances. They're also the ones who often start conversations, whether on a plane, in a supermarket queue, or while riding the bus. Finding it hard to be like that? It's not as difficult as you might think. Being friendly means making others feel comfortable around you, such as genuinely enjoying talking with them. So, how can you become more friendly? Check out the steps below.

Smile More. You don’t need to smile at everyone to seem more friendly, but aim to smile at least 30% more than usual. Whether you're smiling at loved ones, strangers, or acquaintances you bump into on the street, smiling makes you appear more approachable and kind. Remember that time when you walked past someone you knew, and they looked away, pretending you didn’t exist? How did that make you feel? If you want people to feel comfortable when talking to you, try smiling at them more often.

• You can also aim to smile more during conversations.
• Practice smiling daily, even when you’re alone. The act of smiling—whether it’s natural or a conscious effort—releases chemicals in your brain that boost your mood and make you feel more relaxed.

Use Welcoming Gestures. To make others feel comfortable and more likely to start a conversation with you, it's important to use open and welcoming body language. Here are a few things you can do to encourage people to approach you more easily:

• Stand with your feet level, instead of crossing them
• Sit or stand up straight, rather than slouching
• Keep your arms relaxed by your sides, rather than crossing them in front of your chest
• Angle your body towards the person you're speaking with

Avoid Distractions. Another way to become more approachable is by staying engaged with your surroundings, instead of focusing solely on your phone or other distractions. If you're absorbed in your phone, a book, your computer, or picking at your nails, others may think you're too busy to chat. Instead, try to look up, smile, and be ready for what’s happening around you. You’d be surprised how many people will find you friendly and feel comfortable approaching you.

• Focusing on your phone is especially rude when you’re trying to initiate a conversation with someone.

Maintain Eye Contact. This is a key practice, whether you're just greeting someone passing by or having a conversation with them. You don’t need to stare into their eyes the whole time, but aim to maintain eye contact as much as possible while listening to them—it shows you're interested and value their words. When it's your turn to speak, you can occasionally glance around.

• If you're walking down the hall and only one person is around, why not look them in the eye and smile as a greeting instead of looking at the ground or pretending to admire your nails?

Laugh Easily. A friendly person is someone who can laugh effortlessly. You don’t need to laugh at everything someone says—that could come off as insincere—but try to laugh about 20% more than usual, especially when someone is trying to be humorous, saying something funny, or when they need a little encouragement or confidence. Laughing more not only makes the conversation more positive but also makes those around you—even strangers passing by—see you as a friendly person.

• Smiling and laughing easily? Yes, these are both key factors.

Engage in Small Talk. Knowing how to engage in casual conversation is a great way to become friendlier. Perhaps you find it difficult to start small talk because you're busy, distracted, or feel shy. However, it’s not as hard as it seems. All you need to do is make the other person feel comfortable, find a few common interests, and share a little about yourself. As you become more at ease, you can dive deeper and talk more personally.

• Some people think small talk is shallow, but in reality, friendships and good relationships often begin with it. You can't start talking about the meaning of life with a stranger, can you?
• You can even engage in small talk with hotel receptionists during check-out to show friendliness. Comment on the weather, mention a delicious dish you tried, or compliment their jewelry. It will make you feel good and the day will pass by faster.
• Like any skill, small talk requires practice. Try to engage in casual conversation throughout the day. You could start by asking a question (“Have you read this book? Is it good?”) or making a comment (“Oh, the flowers are blooming beautifully! Spring has finally arrived!”).

Ask Questions to People You Meet. If you want to be friendlier, you need to show genuine interest in others. They need to feel that you care about them, their thoughts, and their actions. To start, ask simple questions that reflect your curiosity. However, avoid asking overly personal questions that might make them uncomfortable; begin with shared topics and then move on as you get to know them better. Here are some good topics to try:

• Pets
• Favorite sports teams
• Hobbies
• Favorite bands, books, or movies
• Favorite foods and drinks
• Family
• Weekend trips
• Studies or work
• What they’re striving to achieve in life
• Favorite vacation spots or places they’d like to visit

Compliment Others. Giving genuine compliments will make both you and others feel the warmth of friendliness. A simple compliment at the right moment can make someone think, 'He/She is so lovely!' and it will make them feel comfortable and happy around you. You don’t need to give exaggerated compliments, especially when meeting someone for the first time. A few pleasant comments about their jewelry, clothes, hairstyle, or sense of humor will do the trick.

• When talking to someone, ask yourself, 'What is it about them that I want to compliment?' This way, you’ll quickly figure out what to say.

Use the Person’s Name in Conversation. This simple yet effective technique can make others like you more and help you appear friendlier. By using someone's name, you show that you see them as an individual and care about them. However, there’s no need to overdo it. For example, saying 'Hi Mai!' when you meet someone or 'You're absolutely right, An' during a conversation will make you seem more approachable.

• If someone you’ve just met introduces their name to you, using it once or twice during the conversation will help you remember it when you meet them again.

Recognize When You’re Acting Distant. Some people don’t realize when they come off as unfriendly. If someone greets you and walks over to engage in conversation, they’re trying to connect with you. If you only nod and keep walking, you may appear rude. You might think you’re just being casual or busy, but often that comes across as aloofness.

• If you don’t hold the door open for someone, don’t smile when they smile at you, or avoid looking at strangers even when they’re standing right next to you, you may be acting impolitely without realizing it.
• Just one friendly gesture or warm attitude can help you connect with others more easily. Saying 'thank you' or holding the door open for someone can brighten their day and might even lead to a friendly conversation.

Focus on Positive Topics. When engaging in conversation with others, try to choose subjects that bring a sense of excitement. Instead of complaining about work or school, discussing negative events that have happened to you, or simply sharing feelings of negativity, talk about something wonderful you've experienced recently, something you're looking forward to, or a funny moment you encountered on TV. Bringing up positive topics makes you appear friendlier in everyday conversations, as you come across as lively and humorous, making others enjoy talking with you more.

• You don’t need to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to avoid difficult discussions during a conversation.
• Avoid controversial topics like religion or politics.
• If something truly bad happens to you or if you feel like sharing, feel free to talk about it. However, try to mention at least three positive things for every negative one so you can maintain a positive attitude.

Open Up. Part of being friendly is allowing yourself to open up and share something personal with others. However, you don’t need to reveal your deepest secrets. Mentioning something awkward, silly, or unusual can help you gain others' affection, as it shows you’re not too serious and comfortable interacting with people. Here are some topics you can share:

• Your childhood pet
• A memorable vacation
• A prank you played on your siblings
• A funny mistake you made
• Something you've always wanted to do
• Your experience trying something strange for the first time
• A family story

Make an Effort to Start Conversations with New People. This is a fundamental step in becoming friendlier. You might feel shy or think that newcomers aren’t worth your time or that they’re all awkward. However, now is the time to change! Strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to you on a plane, a guest at a party, or greet your friend's acquaintances. Just carefully observe the situation to see if someone truly wants to engage with a stranger, and then approach with a warm smile.

• You don’t need to strike up a conversation with every stranger you meet, but the more you try, the more comfortable you’ll feel.
• Introduce yourself to people you don’t know. If someone brings a new person to a gathering, make sure to take the initiative to get to know them.

Extend More Invitations. To appear friendlier, you need to show that you're willing to spend time with others. How can you do that? Simply invite others to join in on activities. Start with something simple like asking a group of friends to go to a movie, attend a free concert, or occasionally grab coffee or ice cream. You'll feel friendlier after everyone eagerly accepts your invitation. Set a goal to invite others to do something with you at least once a week, and you’ll find yourself leading a friendly life.

• Be courageous. Invite people you know to hang out and shift from casual acquaintances to close friends.
• Host a party. Invite a group of friends with different personalities and introduce them to each other comfortably.

Accept More Invitations. Another way to become friendlier is by saying yes when others invite you to join them in activities. You may feel hesitant about hanging out with people you're not close to, be too busy, or simply want to spend time alone with a box of ice cream, a stuffed bear, and your pet. However, you must push past those thoughts if you want to be more approachable and start agreeing when others invite you to go to the movies, have dinner, or attend a party.

• You don’t have to accept invitations to events that seem intimidating. However, when deciding whether to decline, ask yourself what’s motivating that decision. Are you afraid of trying something new? Are you uncomfortable with socializing? Or do you just feel lazy? None of these reasons are valid enough to skip out on a fun experience.

Create an Active Lifestyle. To become friendlier, you need to spend more time with friends. Investing time in others helps you become more sensitive and aware in your social interactions—someone who frequently engages with many people. You should aim to fill your schedule with parties, social events, hiking/cycling/swimming with friends, and other group outdoor activities if you wish to become more sociable.

• To maintain an active social life, prioritize socializing. Don’t let work, studies, or other commitments stop you—just don’t let it overwhelm you.
• Having a busy social life is important, but remember to also carve out time for yourself. You need to unwind, especially if you're not used to spending so much time around others.

Try Being Friendly with People You Don’t Like. This is certainly a tough task. However, you don’t have to become close to people you don’t particularly enjoy, whether it's a strict math teacher, a quirky uncle, or a quiet girl you rarely talk to, in order to be seen as friendlier by those around you. You may be surprised by the wonderful feeling that comes from being kind to someone instead of being cold toward them, and they will also be taken aback by your friendliness.

• Make a list of five people you typically treat coldly. Then, find ways to treat each one of them with kindness, even if they don’t deserve it. Tolerance is key to becoming friendlier. Holding onto grudges can make you angry internally and affect your outward demeanor.

Overcome Your Insecurity. One reason you might not be friendly is because of a lack of self-confidence and the fear that others will judge what you say. Ask yourself what makes you feel insecure or act cold toward others, and see if it’s driven by your own thoughts. If it is, try to love yourself more, appreciate what you do, and recognize areas you can improve upon.

• Of course, overcoming insecurity takes time and effort, but realizing that this is the root of the issue can help you open up and interact more warmly with others. Remember, others are also insecure, perhaps even more so than you.
• If your social anxiety is severe enough to negatively affect your daily life, consider speaking with a counselor or mental health professional.

Make Friends with People in Similar Age and Circumstances. This means not only considering their age but also their position in life. For example, they could be a student, a young professional, a middle-aged mom, or an older adult who often lives alone. Finding people in similar ages and circumstances will allow you to meet more often and have plenty of topics to discuss.

• For instance, if you're a young mother, joining a group of other young moms will gradually help you meet some fantastic new friends.

Show Genuine Interest in Others. This is a crucial point in not only appearing friendly but truly becoming a friendly person. A genuinely friendly individual sincerely cares about others and makes them feel comfortable. A friendly person worries when others are sad and rejoices when others are happy. A truly friendly person doesn’t initiate conversations just to appear cooler or to gain more friends on Facebook. If you wish to become a friendly person, you should always keep this in mind during interactions. When you genuinely care about others, they will feel it.

• Of course, you can’t care about everyone around you. However, the more you try to treat others well, the more naturally this will come to you.
• Remember, friendliness does not equate to being fake. Instead, everything involves becoming approachable, treating others with respect, and exuding positive energy.

Be Around Friendly People. You will find it easier to appear friendly when you are surrounded by friendly individuals. They not only model the behavior you can follow but you may also feel a positive energy and attitude emanating from them.

• If you’re around cheerful people, others will feel more at ease approaching you, whether you're with friends or acquaintances.
• When surrounded by violent and/or rude individuals, others will be wary of approaching or talking to you because they fear dealing with the people around you. Alternatively, people may assume you’re similar to those you associate with.

• Don’t hesitate. Greet people you haven’t seen in a while. Keeping in touch with them will make them appreciate you.
• Look at yourself in the mirror and think positively about your appearance. When you love yourself, others will too.
• Think about loving those you haven’t seen in a long time. This will create positive body language and gestures, helping others show their best selves. (Others are as friendly as you are.)
• Don’t act rudely or insult others; always be polite and courteous.
• Everyone has their own interests, such as hobbies, pets, or music bands. Try to find common interests with the people you meet.
• Always be sincere and caring. Learn about others’ passions by asking open-ended questions.
• Try to be friendly with everyone, not just those you want to be friends with.

• If you appear overly friendly, it might make others feel uneasy. This could lead them to perceive you negatively from the very first impression.
• Be cautious with your sense of humor. Just because you find a story funny doesn't mean everyone else will. It's also easy to unintentionally upset someone without realizing it. What you consider humorous or playful can sometimes make others uncomfortable. This could create problems at work or in other environments, such as a community club or school.