How to Become an Extrovert

Value Extroversion. Focusing on the wonderful qualities that extroverts possess is quite important: they often make friends easily, feel comfortable in crowds, and can keep the energy of a party alive. While both extroverts and introverts have their flaws (many extroverts tend to talk excessively and sometimes interrupt others, which can be inappropriate), it’s best to concentrate on the positive traits.

• It’s easy to assume that extroverts are somewhat negative—people often think they speak before thinking and that they are generally shallow. This isn’t true! Extroverts can be just as intuitive and thoughtful as introverts. If you want to become an extrovert, you need to associate it with positive attributes—and there are plenty of positive attributes to explore!
• Extroverts are defined as individuals who feel energized when surrounded by others. It’s as simple as that. They are fully capable of deep thinking and being excellent listeners. They often possess strong social skills (generally speaking) and can be bold and decisive.

Visualize yourself as a true extrovert. This is very true: many extroverts are often just faking it. You can think of them like car salespeople trying to pressure others into buying their products—you don’t want to become this type of extrovert. And you don’t have to. You can be the extrovert you want to be. Many extroverts are even quite shy!

• What ideal extrovert qualities do you wish to possess? Perhaps they are people who feel comfortable in crowds, enjoy talking a lot, or are the life of the party. Whatever qualities you choose, they are entirely achievable. They are just simple habits. Think about a few and write them down. "Becoming more extroverted" is a vague goal; "talking more" is a task you can accomplish.

Understand that this is a broad spectrum. Hold your head high: scientific research shows that most of us possess both introverted and extroverted traits. It depends on where you fall on the standard bell curve. Many lean toward one end (introversion), while others lean toward the opposite end (extroversion), but most of us are somewhere in the middle.

• Even if you’re an introvert, you still have at least some extroverted traits. Even Jung (the famous psychologist) said no one can split themselves into two separate individuals—otherwise, they’d end up in a mental hospital. All you need to do is make room for your extroverted tendencies to grow. They’re hiding somewhere within you.

Know that becoming more extroverted can make you feel better, even if you’re an introvert. Though it may seem biased, numerous studies have shown that when introverts act more extroverted, they feel happier. Experts aren’t entirely sure why, but they believe it’s because you generally receive more positive feedback from others. Positive reinforcement from others can be incredibly powerful.

• The truth is, introverts tend to underestimate how excited they might feel. Even for some extroverts, there are parties you don’t want to attend, but they end up being a lot of fun. Whether it’s pride from stepping out of your comfort zone, experiencing something new, or someone spraying chocolate fountain water, we’re not the best at predicting what will make us happy.

Know that this process can be challenging. Of course, you can always "train" your brain, but you can’t teach a dog to become a ferret. If you’re a complete introvert, becoming extroverted can be exhausting. Additionally, even many extroverts find that too much social stimulation can drain them at some point. This might be a hurdle that takes years to overcome.

• If you have social anxiety, don’t force yourself. Instead, remember: Western culture values extroversion—Eastern cultures do not. Is your desire to be extroverted an innate longing or something you’ve been taught? Consider embracing your introversion—introverts are just as essential to society as extroverts!

Observe. Changing your personality is a challenging task. However, you can train your brain, so it’s not impossible. Start by observing the extroverts around you. Notice the different types of people and how they thrive in various environments. Some excel in small groups, while others perform better in larger crowds. Some may even become shy in specific situations!

• Additionally, take time to jot down the traits you think make them extroverted. Remember this: some extroverts are naturally shy. But being shy doesn’t mean they can’t draw energy from others. Are you striving to be more confident? Approachable? Beyond extroversion, what other qualities do these people have that you’d like to adopt?

Perform. This is another way of saying "fake it." But you’re not really faking—you’re performing. After observing other extroverts, start imitating them. In social situations, you can step into the role of an extrovert. Robert de Niro, Barbara Walters, and David Letterman are all introverts. They simply step on stage, perform, and then go home.

Start small. Begin with small tasks and short timeframes. Spend 15 minutes daily around people. Step out of your comfort zone; do something small that makes you slightly uncomfortable. Knock on a neighbor’s door and introduce yourself. After that first step, the second will feel easier. And the third will be a piece of cake.

• Once you’re comfortable being extroverted in small doses, increase the time. Next week, spend an hour meeting people in your neighborhood. While waiting for the bus, ask someone about the schedule and add a comment about the situation. Make the cashier at the grocery store smile. Small steps lead to big changes.

Meet others. The obvious truth is that you can’t become an extrovert alone. It’s almost part of the definition of being extroverted. So, meet people! Whether joining a conversation by the water cooler or attending a coworker’s baby shower, don’t hesitate. You won’t grow or improve without trying.

• Often, people stop inviting you to events if you frequently make excuses. Remember to attend when invited. The more you interact, the more comfortable you’ll feel around others, making it easier to embrace extroversion.

Recognize your worth. Some of us see ourselves as boring or awkward. We think extroverts are social butterflies who wouldn’t waste time on people like us. This isn’t true! Not at all. Being introverted doesn’t mean you lack skills or social value. Every group has a place for everyone.

• Consider this example: you spend your week at home playing video games and eating fast food. Is your intelligence still there? Of course. Do you still have skills? Absolutely. Does the smooth-talking entrepreneur need someone to design their website? Yes. What can you offer others?

Take risks. Extroverts tend to be more impulsive than introverts. To mimic their spontaneity (until it feels natural), think creatively. If you’re walking by a stream, jump in (if you know how to swim). Sing loudly while grocery shopping. Anything you once considered crazy is worth reconsidering.

Find the right group. Sometimes the issue isn’t us—it’s the people around us. In the best way possible. Part of the problem might be that you don’t click with certain people. Perhaps an older (or younger) crowd, a different demographic, etc., might suit you better. They could help bring out your talkative, straightforward, and socially enthusiastic side. Think about it.

• Test this theory by joining a club. Any small group where you find like-minded individuals can help you realize that it’s not everyone around you making you reserved—it’s just certain groups. Some people hold us back, and others don’t—find those who help you break out of your shell.

Leverage your strengths. Maybe you’re a listener, not a talker. Perhaps you read more than you party. Hot news! Your introverted strengths can become extroverted strengths. Next time someone clearly has had a bad day, approach them and ask how they’re doing. Your listening skills will take the lead. Start a conversation about the book you’re reading—remember, extroverts read too!

• If you’re truly introverted, you likely reflect, observe, and notice a lot. In this case, you’re already equipped: you have an eye for subtle details others might miss. Use this. Notice the little things and comment on them. The other person might be surprised at first but will smile knowing someone finally noticed something about them. Everyone loves this feeling.

Talk. When you’re in a social situation (half the battle right there), start conversations. About anything. Whatever you want. You definitely have opinions! And if you’re comfortable with your emotions, ask questions. People love attention. Asking questions is the easiest way in.

• If this is your struggle, start by talking more when you’re alone. Speak up around close family and friends. Sometimes, it’s hard to get used to the sound of your own voice. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it builds habits. The more you talk, the better you’ll get in any situation.

Assert yourself. The next step after talking is asserting yourself. When an opportunity arises, seize it. Unless you’re advocating mass extinction or have a giant purple monster following you every Tuesday, you won’t cause chaos or be rejected. So, does it matter if you mention the movie you want to watch? No. What about sharing your thoughts on your boss’s presentation? Also no. Just speak up.

• If you prefer, let others set the tone. One thing most people excel at is complaining, and they’re really good at it in group settings. Find a moment when you and a few friends/acquaintances are discussing something trivial and voice your opinion. If they don’t like it, so what? The conversation will move on.

Interrupt others. Introverts are often too polite. Extroverts take charge of conversations and steer them. You can do that too! You don’t need to wait forever to jump in—because the perfect moment might never come. You won’t be rude if you time it right. Extroverts do this all the time.

• The only thing to watch for is the right moment. If you think about it, you’ll recognize the opportunity. Interrupting your friend talking about their sick best friend? Not ideal. Interrupting a street debate about veganism? Perfect. If it’s a lively discussion or debate, don’t hesitate. If it’s someone venting or grieving, wait your turn.

Draw attention. Don’t sweat the small stuff—now’s the time to be bold: get others to notice you. This might mean being loud, or it might not. Either way, you’ll need to take the lead. Start a game. Talk about what you want to do this Friday night. Gather people together.

• Get others to act. Bring up a topic everyone can discuss. Toss popcorn on the table. Awkwardly hide behind a small pole. Send a funny video to all your friends. Make others engage and talk.

Make others laugh. While not all extroverts are comedians and not all comedians are extroverts, if you want social recognition, the best way is to make those around you laugh out loud. Drawing attention is a great start, but you can go even further. Even if it means making yourself the joke!

• Even something as simple as making a funny sound or moving in slow motion can get a laugh. A quirky habit might do the trick too. They’ll be amused, and hopefully, they’ll feel more at ease with you. Your social life will skyrocket once people join in!

Keep the energy up. A true extrovert can break awkward silences, even if it means talking about their cat. If you notice a group sitting idle, engage them. Show them how many marshmallows you can balance on your head. Ask if they want to play truth or dare. Play the Macarena and start dancing.

• Different crowds react to different things. If you’re with a group discussing Vivaldi’s operas or debating steel vs. oak wine barrels, playing the Macarena might not work. Know your audience—what excites them?