Buzz
Every girl needs a close friend, someone who stays by their side and can share all their deepest thoughts. This requires time to get to know someone new and build a close bond. Friendship doesn’t develop overnight, but it’s definitely worth investing time and effort into.
Steps
Getting to Know a New Friend
Start Conversations with People Around You. The best way to show your intention of making a new friend is by greeting others when you see them. Make eye contact, smile, and say hello. If you know their name, greet them by their name.
- Speak clearly so that others can hear you.
- If you're shy, practice with family members.
- Always smile and greet them when you meet again. This will make you seem very approachable.
Complimenting Others. Complimenting someone shows that you're a pleasant person and can easily connect with others. Pay attention to your friends at school and try to notice their positive traits. You can compliment them on what you observe. The compliments should be simple, like:
- "Your hair looks great today."
- "I really like the shirt you're wearing. It suits you perfectly."
- "Your work is amazing!"
- You can also ask a question along with your compliment to start a conversation. For example, "I love your shirt! Where did you get it from?"
Starting a Conversation. A greeting or compliment is a great way to break the ice. When you talk to someone, you can share your likes and dislikes. If they ask you something, respond and then ask them a question in return. Don’t monopolize the conversation about yourself.
- Sharing personal information is important in friendship. It should be a two-way street.
- Listen when they speak and don’t interrupt. Wait for them to finish before you speak.
Be Kind to Everyone. Doing good deeds is another way to show goodwill towards others. You don’t have to do anything extravagant. Let them borrow a pencil or some paper. You can also offer to help if you see someone overwhelmed with work. During breaks, offer them a candy or a snack.
- Don’t give them money or valuable things that are important to you. You wouldn’t want someone to be friends with you just for material things.
Make Friends with Those Who Share Your Interests. For a friendship to flourish, both you and your friend should have some common interests. Shared hobbies can help a friendship grow. Think about what your interests are (e.g., music, TV shows, movies, art, sports, etc.)
- Observe your classmates to see if anyone shares your interests. Do they wear T-shirts with characters or band logos on them? Do their belongings reflect their interests?
- Ask them about their hobbies. For example, "Hey, have you ever watched ____? It’s really good!" or "Do you like ____?"
- Don’t pretend to like something just to fit in. If you want a real best friend, you have to be true to yourself first.
- If you’re shy and notice another girl is also reserved, this might be a good chance to approach her. You two might understand each other better than the more outgoing girls who are always the life of the party.
- If you’re in the same extracurricular activity, at least you already have one common interest.
Invite Them to Hang Out. Once you’ve identified someone with shared interests, you can invite them over to your place or ask them to hang out. You can suggest activities you both can enjoy together. Spending time alone together is the key to building a strong friendship.
- If they come to your house, plan an activity that you both will enjoy. You’ll want your friend to feel comfortable when they’re with you.
- Some activities you two can do together include cycling, painting nails, watching a movie, or baking.
- If you’re stuck for ideas, you can ask your parents for suggestions.
From Casual Friends to Best Friends
Exchange Phone Numbers. Ask if your friend has a mobile phone and request their number. You can text them first to see how they respond. If they reply and check in with you, they might like you and want to get closer. If they don’t respond or give a one-word answer, they might not be interested in developing a closer friendship.
- Texting is a great way to communicate if you're shy or nervous about talking face to face. You can still get to know someone just by texting, which might feel easier than talking in person.
- If you text them and don’t get a reply, don’t keep texting. Wait for them to text you first.
- You shouldn’t always be the one initiating the conversation.
Be Patient. Friendships take time to develop into close bonds. You need to get to know someone well and allow them to understand you too. Sometimes, it can take several months to become best friends.
- Sometimes, friendships may not turn into something closer, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly fine to remain just good friends.
- Over time, you’ll know if someone wants to be closer friends. They’ll make an effort to spend time and build a relationship with you.
Klare Heston, LCSW
Medical Social Worker
Medical Social Worker
Friendship Takes Time and Effort. Klare Heston, LCSW, explains that, “Friendships take time to build, so don’t expect them to flourish instantly. Friendship requires trust and familiarity. Start by sharing and listening to each other. Focus on common interests or strengths that can support one another. Don’t be jealous of her other friends; be open-minded.”
Build Trust. A best friend is someone you can trust. You also need to show that you are trustworthy. Don't gossip about your friend to others. If they share a secret with you, don’t spread it around.
- If your friend shares something that worries them, let them know your concerns and suggest reaching out to a trusted adult for help.
- If you two have a disagreement, work it out together instead of telling others about it.
Engage in a New Activity Together. Trying new activities together can strengthen your bond. It's best to pick something neither of you has tried before. This way, you’ll create unique memories together.
Spend Time Together Regularly. If you and your friend don’t meet up often, it will be harder for your friendship to grow. The frequency depends on both of your schedules, so try to arrange time to hang out.
- Don't pressure or dictate the timing. If your friend hesitates when making plans, give them time to think about it.
- Let them know that you enjoy their company and would love to spend more time together.
- You can also text them after hanging out and say, "I had so much fun today! Let’s do it again soon!"
Focus on Shared Interests. The best friendships thrive when you share common interests. You can talk about likes and dislikes, but spend more time discussing things you both enjoy. If you can both laugh at the same joke or share similar tastes in music or movies, it will bring you closer.
- You may not like everything about your friend, but focus on their positive traits and the fun moments you’ve shared.
- Remember, the more time you spend with someone, the more you may start adopting their behavior. So, choose your friends wisely.
The Best Choice
Know When to Let Go. Sometimes, the person you want to get closer to may not feel the same way. This can be painful, but it simply means you haven’t found the right person yet. Unfortunately, they may not say it directly, but you can notice it through their actions. If you observe these signs, it might be time to seek a new best friend:
- They always make excuses or are too busy when you invite them to hang out.
- They never call or text you first, or take ages to reply.
- You are always the one to start the conversation.
- They don't want to spend time with you on weekends or after school.
Observe How They Treat Others. If they lie, gossip, or act mean toward others, they are not a good friend. Pay attention to how they treat and interact with other friends. Do they talk behind people’s backs? Are they rude or bossy?
- How they treat others is often how they will treat you in the future.
- Since you are looking for a true friend, stay away from those who gossip or share others’ personal information. You need someone you can truly trust.
Share Information About Yourself. Friendship takes time to build. Don’t reveal too much about yourself too soon. First, ensure that the person is trustworthy.
- At the beginning of your friendship, stick to safe topics like school, music, TV shows, or favorite sports teams.
- Avoid discussing personal fears or family issues until you get to know them better.
- If they start sharing more personal details with you, it’s a sign that you can begin to open up as well.
- Start a conversation and see how they respond. If they don’t engage, hold off on sharing more.
Advice
- Don’t be overly persistent or pushy. Your friend might feel uncomfortable or annoyed.
- Take time to get to know her before becoming too close. She might not be the type of person you’re looking for.
- Texting is a great way to avoid awkward silences in conversation. It gives you time to think of a response or something witty to say.
- If she starts avoiding you, take a step back before trying to reconnect.
- If she has other friends, make an effort to talk to them and get to know them too.
- Be confident and don’t change who you are just to fit in. Be yourself, and make sure she likes you for who you truly are.
- If she does something that makes you uncomfortable, like being rude to others, consider finding new friends.
- If none of the friends you meet are a good fit, don’t give up. There is likely someone out there looking for a friend like you; you just haven’t found each other yet.
- Don’t feel bad when you see your friend hanging out with others. Be friendly with everyone, or meet new people and join new activities.
- If your relationship starts to drift apart, communicate openly to resolve it. Don’t go into defense mode, and if things still aren’t working out, take a break. You can join a club and don’t be upset if you lose a friend. You may become closer with new friends or, after a break, reconnect with the old one.
