How to Become Emotionally Numb

People often find themselves disturbed by those around them. A person can become overwhelmed by betrayal, disappointment, or negative emotions, leading them to wish they could feel nothing at all. While it’s impossible for emotionally healthy people to completely numb themselves, there are times when pretending to be emotionally indifferent can be beneficial. By detaching yourself from emotions, avoiding being overly friendly, and putting yourself first, others won't have the chance to take advantage of or hurt you for their own gain.

Keep Yourself Busy. Staying occupied can significantly improve your overall satisfaction with life. Choose activities that push you toward your goals or that benefit you personally. Rewarding yourself with motivation will help you stay active.

• This also helps you channel your energy into work, exercise, cleaning, etc., rather than seeking emotional attachments.

Keep Your Relationships Under Control. Avoid letting people get too close or control you with promises, pleas, or apologies. Define the type of relationships you want to engage in and manage how much you invest in each one.

Let Go of Past Emotions. The term “emotional debt” refers to unresolved emotions that we let repeat in our daily lives. You should be honest with yourself about any lingering feelings from the past, work to break the patterns you’ve developed in response to them, and step out of your comfort zone. This helps you realize how past emotions affect you and lets you move on.

• You may think your comfort zone protects you from bad feelings, but staying there only allows negative emotions to hold you back. Stepping out gives you control over them.

Avoid Specific Expectations. When an experience or person doesn’t meet your expectations, you risk emotional harm. Eliminate all expectations in life, and when you do have them, keep them broad and as vague as possible. This way, you won’t suffer emotional pain when things don’t unfold as you imagined.

• You can also shift your expectations to something more practical. For example, if you expect cooler weather today, you’ll be less disappointed than if you expected exactly 23°C with a perfect breeze and sunshine.

Seek Professional Therapy Help. If you're feeling overwhelmed by past trauma and can’t let go of your emotions, you may need help from a licensed therapist. Issues like chronic depression or anxiety should not be ignored. A therapist can help identify which medical treatments or medications will help you overcome your emotional debt.

Know What You Want. You may already have a clear sense of what you don't want in life. The next step is to identify your personal preferences and begin to define precisely what you want in life. The clearer and more confident you are about your desires, the more effectively you will move toward achieving them.

• When you know exactly what you want, others will have a harder time manipulating you. This is crucial for success and prevents wasting your time and energy on others.
• Sometimes guilt and stress will push you to act against your true desires. Knowing what you want will help you stand firm when faced with difficult situations.

Communicate Your Desires. Once you're clear on what you want, you will likely need to share this with others around you. Clearly express your desires and expectations to those in your life. Don’t settle for compromising your own needs.

• You may need to invest some time and effort to get others to understand your wishes, but make sure you set boundaries and never let anyone use your desires against you.

Say “No” to Anything That Doesn't Benefit You. Agreeing to do things that don’t serve your best interests is a waste of time. Don’t give away your time so easily. Only engage in activities that help you reach your personal goals, and politely decline invitations or requests that don’t benefit you.

• Be direct. Say, “No, I can’t (or won’t) do that.” If you need to explain, you could say, “I don’t have time to commit to this,” but it’s not necessary.
• This may be tough, especially when you fear judgment. Things like charity work you're not passionate about, friends needing your help, or family demanding too much of your time can stand in the way of your success. It’s okay to say “No.”

Consider Collaborating with Others. Whether as an individual, business, organization, or community, it can be difficult to accept that working with others might benefit you. But it’s true—collaboration is a healthy and effective way to achieve your goals. Ensure that the partnership benefits both parties and that no one is exploited.

• Relationships must be mutual. When working with others, you must give as much as you receive. This will help build stronger professional and social connections.

Examine the Motives of Others. You will often be asked to help others in some way. It’s important to understand why they are asking and what they hope to gain from you. Understand why someone needs something from you, then assess whether helping them provides any benefit to you before deciding whether to engage in their request.

Avoid idle chit-chat. Technology has made avoiding small talk easier than ever. You can pretend to be on a call or signal your intention to avoid conversation by wearing headphones, which discourages both strangers and acquaintances from approaching you. You could also interrupt conversations at any time with phrases like 'I'm too busy to talk right now.'

• For example, if a colleague runs into you at the snack machine, simply say, 'I can't talk now. I have a deadline to meet.'

Decline invitations to social gatherings. There's no need to be blunt about it, but you should be firm in your decision. If you offer a flimsy excuse, the host will likely insist you come.

• A good way to avoid most events is by saying something with weight like 'Sorry, I have other plans.'
• You don’t need to provide an explanation when declining an invitation. Simply say, 'Sorry, I can’t make it.'

Refuse to offer help. Sometimes, it feels like helping others is an obligation. Instead, choose to say 'No' with confidence. Again, you don’t need to be rude to make your point.

• If a friend asks you to house-sit, you can simply say, 'Sorry, I can’t help.'

Consider building a new support system. If you feel like your friends and family are a source of stress, it might be healthier to establish a new support network. Try meeting new people who share your interests. Seek out individuals who frequent places you go, work in the same field, or simply enjoy the same things you do.

• Don't hesitate; take advantage of opportunities for yourself.
• Don't feel guilty.

• Be prepared for others to treat you coldly.
• Some people won't like it when you become indifferent towards them.