How to Become Kinder to Others

Living a life surrounded by supportive family and friends will contribute to better health and happiness. However, it can be challenging to have these people by your side if you're always negative or unkind toward them. The good news is, this situation doesn't have to persist. By showing kindness daily and managing your anger, you can become a kinder person and strengthen the meaningful relationships you have with others.

Use relaxation techniques to calm yourself down. As soon as you realize you're getting angry, take a moment to calm your mind. One effective method is to practice relaxation techniques. Here are a few options:

• Deep breathing.
• Try Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR).
• Listen to soothing music.
• Take a walk.
• Meditation.
• Listen to podcasts.

Challenge unrealistic statements and thoughts. Unrealistic thought patterns can fuel anger, so make an effort to recognize and challenge these thoughts as soon as they arise.

• For instance, an unrealistic thought might be, "My roommate never does their part to keep the house clean! I have to do everything myself!"
• Before letting this thought make you angrier, take a moment to question its truth. Does your roommate not clean, or do they keep the apartment clean in other ways? If that’s the case, the statement "never" is inaccurate.
• Try rewriting these thoughts to reflect reality more accurately, such as, "I would like my roommate to help with chores a bit more."

Improve your problem-solving skills. Problem-solving skills can also help minimize anger and frustration. These skills help you manage yourself, even when dealing with highly frustrating situations. This is a skill that takes time to develop, so be patient.

• When confronted with a problem, take a moment to define the issue before trying to solve it. Then, make a list of possible solutions and choose one to act on. Once you’ve put the solution into action, reflect on the results and think about what strategies could be added to improve future outcomes.

Don't bottle up your frustrations and anger. When you hold things in but still feel upset, letting anger simmer inside you isn’t helpful. Instead of letting small annoyances build up into a full-blown outburst, speak up about the source of the tension. Don’t be afraid of making the situation uncomfortable because it’s better to express yourself now than to stew in resentment and become unpleasant later.

• If you feel disrespected or hurt, you might be tempted to get even. Instead, gently let the person know how your feelings have been disregarded and disrespected.
• Instead of letting your anger build, tell the person what they did wrong. You could say something like, "I don’t like how you acted. It made me angry and disappointed."

Redirect your energy towards something positive. Instead of using your energy to be rude or unpleasant, channel it into a sport or hobby you enjoy. Make sure to stay active. When you exercise or engage in productive activities, your brain produces more positive endorphins, which help you feel happier.

• You could play a team sport such as basketball, baseball, soccer, or volleyball.
• If you’re not into physical activity, try creative activities like playing an instrument or learning how to paint.

Step away when you're about to get angry. Recognize when your anger is escalating and become aware of how angry you're feeling. When you sense you're about to reach your breaking point, walk away from the argument and leave the situation. You can politely explain why you need to step away. Don’t leave the issue unresolved, but take time to calm down and return to discuss it once you’ve regained composure.

• You might say, "I need to step outside for a moment because I’m really angry, I need to calm down. I need some time to think, and we can talk when I get back."

Practice compassion. Always strive to be kind to others and try to view situations from their perspective. Rather than making hurtful comments, think about how you can brighten someone’s day. If you have time, step outside and do small acts of kindness, and people will truly appreciate it.

• For example, instead of mocking others to feel superior, offer them compliments and make their day better.
• Practicing compassion will help you become a healthier and happier person.
• You could also give a friend a small gift like candy or a book to show your affection for them.

Develop communication skills. Having the ability to listen and communicate constructively, and being assertive, can help you manage anger and be kinder to others. Expressing your emotions and thoughts helps people understand what’s on your mind and reduces a lot of stress in communication. Arguments or conflicts often arise from a lack of understanding of each other’s motives. Strive to be honest in conversations, even if the situation isn’t perfect, or the other person might dislike you for it. Don’t beat around the bush as it only makes things uncomfortable.

• Stay focused on the other person and don’t get distracted. When listening, avoid making judgments. Just understand what they are saying and where their thoughts come from.
• When sharing your opinions, use “I” instead of “You”. Try saying something like, “I feel frustrated when you don’t wash the dishes” instead of “You never clean up!”
• Effective communication means being able to talk about sensitive or embarrassing issues.
• For example, if a friend does something you don’t accept, instead of yelling and saying things you’ll regret, you could say, “When you tease me like that, people might laugh, but it makes me sad. I feel belittled, and even though you might think it’s no big deal, it hurts me.”

Be more patient. No one can read minds, and for some people, learning something new takes longer than others. Instead of getting angry with them, be patient. Think back to the times when you were learning something for the first time and needed help. No one is perfect. If someone does something that bothers you, rather than bottling it up until it boils over, talk to them to better understand each other.

• If your roommate keeps tapping a pen and it’s distracting you, you can say, “Hey, this might sound a bit strange, but the sound of your pen tapping makes it hard for me to concentrate. Could you stop for a bit so I can finish my work?”

Don’t doubt everything. Doubt makes you feel constantly down and more irritable. Often, suspicion is a defense mechanism you use when you’re disappointed or sad. Instead of expressing emotions in a healthy, constructive way, you bottle them up and underestimate the impact your feelings might have on others and yourself. This causes you to view the world negatively and put yourself in a state of constant anger.

• Don’t undermine other people’s efforts. Admire others when they excel at something rather than belittling or dismissing it.
• Try to minimize judgment. If you don’t understand a certain culture or demographic, immerse yourself in their world rather than showing hostility.

Practice Empathy. Empathy involves understanding and absorbing the feelings and emotions of others. Try putting yourself in someone else's shoes and engage in conversations without judgment. When someone is suffering, offer empathy rather than dismissing them. Actively listen to what they say instead of waiting for them to finish. Embrace what they share and resonate with their emotions. This helps you better understand their perspective and actions.

• To develop active listening skills, focus on what the person is saying, respond to show you are listening, and hold back any judgment. Instead of criticizing, try supporting them.
• Think back to times when you were in a similar situation and recall the painful emotions you felt then.

Stop Being Defensive. Don’t build walls around yourself or distrust others. This harms your interactions with people. If you make a mistake, take responsibility for your actions instead of blaming others for what you’ve done. Be open to making new friends and nurturing existing relationships.

• If someone points out something true that may touch your pride, instead of getting angry, say, "You’re right. I need to improve on this, and I will, but it’s a process."
• Instead of automatically interpreting everything others say negatively, ask them, "What do you mean?" Once they explain, you might realize their words weren’t as negative as you initially thought.

Help Those in Need. Rather than turning your back and thinking it’s someone else’s responsibility, you can make an effort to help those who are struggling. Think of small things you can do to assist people with tasks they can’t handle. You might help set up a family member’s computer or assist an elderly person with their grocery shopping.

• The more you volunteer to help others, the happier you will feel.

Be There for Your Friends When They Need Someone to Talk To. Friendship is a crucial aspect of living a happy life. Having a support system that can talk things through with you when times are tough helps you feel connected to the world. Friends reduce the risks of high blood pressure and depression. However, friendship needs to be built on communication and sensitivity. If you are unpleasant or judgmental, your friends won’t want to confide in you, and they won’t offer support when you need it.

• Pay attention and be a good listener.
• Sometimes, friends don’t need advice; they just need someone who will listen.
• It’s easier to discuss serious life issues with friends if you’ve already had conversations about other important topics beforehand.

Contributing to community development. If you have some free time, consider volunteering at community centers, shelters, or charity food outlets. Look for local initiatives in your area, like tree planting or beautifying public spaces. The more you engage with individuals working towards a positive future, the more fulfilling it becomes, helping to reduce moments of anger.

• Volunteering in a group also fosters a sense of belonging, which can enhance happiness and reduce feelings of frustration. Having a support system for tough times also makes it easier to handle everyday stress.

Household chores. When you were younger, these tasks were seen as responsibilities to be done without prompting. However, as you grow older, they become voluntary acts of support when you notice your family is overwhelmed. If you're a parent or in a relationship, consider taking care of things for your partner, like fixing small items or cooking meals. Look for ways to ease the load for them around the house.

• Ask your family members if they need help with chores.
• A tidy and organized home can boost energy levels and increase happiness.