How to Become Mature

Maturity isn’t just about age. Some people may be mature at the age of 6, while others may not reach it even at 80. True maturity shows in how you treat others and yourself. It’s about the way you think and behave. If you're tired of childish conversations and arguments, or if you want to be respected more, try implementing a few techniques below to grow in maturity. No matter your age, once you become mature, you'll always be treated like an adult.

Cultivate your interests. Being passive and lacking hobbies or passions can make you appear immature. Identifying something you’re passionate about and becoming an expert in it will make you seem more experienced and mature. You'll also gain more topics to talk about, no matter if the person you're speaking to shares the same interest.

• Try to maintain positive and varied hobbies. Binge-watching TV shows can be fun, but it’s not the best way to spend your time. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy movies, TV shows, or video games, just that they shouldn't be all you do.
• Hobbies can boost self-esteem and encourage creative thinking. They can also help you feel more positive and happy.
• There are no limits to what you can pursue! Buy a camera and learn photography. Pick up a musical instrument. Learn a new language. Try beatboxing. Start a theater group. Just make sure you enjoy it, and it will become a hobby, not a boring task.

Set goals and strive for them. Part of growing up is the ability to assess your strengths, identify areas for improvement, and set goals for the future. Always think about the future and use that to determine if you are making the right choices in life. Once you've set specific, clear, and achievable goals, take action to succeed.

• Setting goals might seem daunting, but don't worry! With a little time and planning, you'll get there. Start by identifying the areas you want to improve. For example, you might want to enhance your college profile. This will form the foundation of your goals.
• First, you need to answer the questions: Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why.
• Who. Who will contribute to your success? Obviously, you are the most important person, but this question could also include others, like tutors, volunteer coordinators, or mentors.
• What. What do you want to achieve? At this stage, it's important to be specific about your goals. “Preparing for college” is too broad. You won't be able to act on such a large, vague goal. Instead, focus on a few smaller goals that can contribute to your larger objective, like “Volunteering” or “Joining an extracurricular activity.”
• When. This helps you know the deadlines for each task, ensuring the plan stays on track. For example, if you want to participate in a volunteering activity, be sure to know the deadline for applications, the event schedule, and when you can attend.
• Where. It's helpful to identify where the tasks will take place. For instance, in volunteering, you may choose to work at an animal care center.
• How. At this stage, you need to determine how to complete each phase of the goal. For example, how will you contact the animal care center and apply for a volunteer position? How will you get there? What will you do to balance volunteering with other responsibilities? Think about and answer questions like these.
• Why. Whether you believe it or not, this is perhaps the most important part. You're more likely to achieve your goals when they hold meaning for you and you can see their role in the bigger picture. Clarify why this goal matters to you. For example, “I want to volunteer at the animal care center because it will make my profile more appealing for veterinary school applications.”

Recognize when you might become immature. You don't always need to be serious to appear mature. True maturity is understanding your audience and knowing when to joke around and when to be serious. There are different levels of maturity, and adjusting your behavior according to the situation is a good thing for you.

• Try to set aside time each day to relax. You need time to unwind and rest. Give yourself a little break each day (for example, after school) to enjoy yourself.
• Understand that joking is often inappropriate in serious places like school, church, workplaces, or especially at funerals. Focus on the situation and avoid making people laugh. Lack of seriousness in these situations is often a sign of immaturity.
• However, everyday moments like hanging out with friends or family gatherings are great opportunities to relax. In fact, it can help you bond with others.
• Establish some parameters to determine when it's appropriate and inappropriate to joke or act childish. Avoid selfish or mean-spirited humor.

Respect others. No one can live alone in this world. If you intentionally annoy others or do whatever you want without considering their feelings, people may perceive you as immature. Being mindful of the needs and wants of others will help you become more mature and earn respect.

• Respecting others doesn’t mean allowing them to bully you. It means listening to them and treating them the way you would want to be treated. If someone is rude to you, don’t retaliate. Let it go and show that you are the bigger person.

Be friends with mature individuals. Your friends will influence your behavior. Make sure that the people you surround yourself with help you become a better person, not the other way around.

Do not bully others. This behavior usually stems from feelings of insecurity or a lack of self-worth. It's a way of asserting dominance over others. This conduct is harmful to both the victim and the bully. If you notice yourself falling into this pattern, talk to someone you trust, such as a parent or school counselor, and ask for help in putting an end to it.

• There are three main forms of bullying: verbal, social, and physical.
• Verbal bullying involves name-calling, threats, or cruel remarks. While these don’t cause physical pain, they can deeply hurt someone's emotional well-being. Be cautious with your words and never say something to someone that you wouldn’t want to hear yourself.
• Social bullying involves tarnishing someone's reputation or sabotaging their social relationships. Insulting, spreading rumors, or gossiping are all examples of social bullying.
• Physical bullying is about causing harm (or damaging property) to another person. Any act of violence, stealing, or destroying someone else's belongings, as well as rude gestures, are all forms of physical bullying.
• Don't allow bullying to take place in your presence. Even if you aren’t physically strong enough to intervene—which might be unsafe—there are plenty of ways you can help create a positive, bully-free environment. Try:
  • Being an example by not bullying others.
  • Letting the bully know that their behavior isn’t impressive or fun.
  • Being kind to the person being bullied.
  • Reporting the incident to responsible adults.
• If you find that you struggle with bullying, consider talking to a counselor or therapist. You might be dealing with underlying issues that lead you to put others down. A counselor can help you find ways to build healthier relationships.

Avoid making false statements, gossiping, and talking behind people's backs. It can hurt someone just as much as being punched in the face—sometimes even more. Even if it’s unintentional, it can still cause harm. An adult cares about the needs and feelings of others and wouldn’t do things that might hurt them.

• Gossiping won’t make you popular or admired. Studies show that it might make you seem more attractive in fifth grade, but by ninth grade (the age when you should be maturing), gossiping typically leads to being disliked and less popular.
• Don't encourage this behavior. If someone starts gossiping in your presence, speak up: “Hey, I don't like talking behind others' backs.” Research shows that even if one person speaks out, it can make a difference.
• Sometimes, you might say something nice about someone, and through others, it becomes a rumor. For example, you might tell a friend, “I really enjoy hanging out with Ziyi. She's so funny!” and someone else might turn it into a rumor that you're badmouthing Ziyi. You can't control how others interpret or react to what you say. The only thing you can control is your own words. Make sure your words are kind.
• A good test to see if something could turn into a rumor or gossip is to ask yourself: Would I want others to hear or know this about me? If the answer is no, then don't share it with others.

Be the bigger person if someone is rude to you. If you can let it go, don’t react. Your silence will show that what the other person said is unacceptable. If you can’t ignore it, simply let them know that their comment was rude. If they apologize, accept it; if not, just walk away.

Embrace New Experiences. A mature person is open-minded. Just because you haven't encountered or tried something before doesn’t mean you should dismiss or reject its possibilities. Instead, see it as an opportunity to learn something new and different about someone or something.

• If someone has different beliefs or habits than you, don’t rush to judge. Ask open-ended questions, such as, "Could you share more about this?" or "Why do you do that?"
• Try listening more than speaking, at least at first. Avoid interrupting or saying, "But I think..." Let others speak, and you'll be surprised by the things you can learn from them.
• Ask for clarification. If someone says something that seems wrong, before jumping to conclusions, ask them to explain clearly. For instance, if you think someone has offended your faith, take a deep breath and ask, "I understand you mean ______. Is that right?" If they respond that it was not their intent, accept their explanation.
• Don’t look at others negatively. In every situation, remember that everyone is human, just like you. They may not have intended to be rude or hurtful; perhaps it was simply a mistake. Learning to accept others as they are will help you grow and mature.
• Occasionally, you may disagree with someone. This is normal. Part of maturity is being able to evaluate and decide whether you agree with something or not.

Be Confident. Don't apologize for your uniqueness or differences, even if others disagree. As long as your behavior doesn’t violate social ethics or harm anyone, you have the right to express your individuality. A mature person doesn’t doubt themselves or try to be someone else.

• Developing hobbies and talents is a great way to build confidence. You’ll realize that with determination, you can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you’ll have valuable skills to share with others.
• Be cautious with self-criticism. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, consider whether you would criticize a friend in the same way. If you wouldn’t do that to a friend, why would you harm yourself? Try to reframe those negative thoughts to make them more constructive.
• For example, you might tell yourself, "I’m a failure! I’m terrible at math and will never get any better." This is an unhealthy thought, and you’d never say that to a friend.
• Reframe to see what you can do: "I’m not great at math, but I can study hard. Even if I don’t score an 8, I’ve still done my best."

Be Authentic. Living true to yourself is a hallmark of maturity. Be confident without being arrogant or boastful. A mature person doesn’t need to belittle others or pretend to be skilled at things they’re not proficient in.

• Talk about the things that genuinely interest you. When you care about something, your passion for it will naturally show.
• Sometimes, when you have negative thoughts about yourself, you might react by denying them. For example, if the thought "I’m really worried about tomorrow’s test" pops into your head, your first reaction might be to pretend, "I’m not scared at all!" This is not being true to yourself. Acknowledging your insecurities or vulnerabilities will make you more mature. Everyone has moments of self-doubt, and that’s perfectly normal.
• Express your emotions clearly. Hiding or resorting to negative aggression is an immature and dishonest way to handle your feelings. Be polite and respectful, but don’t hesitate to share your true emotions.
• Do what you believe is right. Sometimes, you may be ridiculed or criticized for it. However, by sticking to your principles, you will know you’ve been true to yourself. If others don’t respect you, you don’t need to care about their opinions.

Take Responsibility. One of the most crucial aspects of maturity is being accountable for your words and actions. Remember, things don't just happen to you. You are the representative of your own life, and everything you say and do impacts both you and others. Own up to your mistakes. Understand that while you cannot control what others do, you can control yourself.

• Take responsibility when things don’t go as planned. For example, if you don’t do well on an essay, don’t blame the teacher. Reflect on what you could have done differently. What can you do to improve next time?
• Care less about whether things are fair. Life isn’t always fair. Sometimes, you may not get what you deserve. A mature person won’t let unfairness stop them.
• Take charge of your capabilities. Sometimes, you may feel like you have no control over your life. While this may be true in some cases, there are things entirely within your control. For example:
  • For work: You can refine and polish your resume. You can prepare thoroughly for the interview. You can dress professionally. You can arrive on time. Even if you don’t get the position, you’ve done everything in your power.
  • In relationships: You can respect others, be friendly, and kind. You can be yourself with others. You can be vulnerable and express your desire for a committed relationship. These things are within your control. Even if things don’t work out, you can rest assured knowing you were true to yourself and did your best for you.
• Don’t accept defeat. In most cases, people give up because it’s easier than pushing forward. It’s much easier to admit, “I’m a failure,” than to say, “Okay, that didn’t work, let’s see what else I can do!” Take responsibility for your choices and keep pushing forward, no matter what.

Master Your Emotions. Anger is a powerful emotion, but it can be tamed. Don’t overreact to small, insignificant things. When you feel upset, pause for 10 seconds to think before saying or doing anything. This simple step will help you avoid regret and communicate more maturely.

• After pausing, ask yourself what’s really going on. What is the issue? Why are you unhappy? You might realize that you’re still upset about something that happened two days ago, and there’s no issue now.
• Consider potential solutions to the issue. Think of a few possible responses before acting. What action will actually solve the problem?
• Weigh the consequences. Many people make mistakes here. The easiest option is often the most tempting, but will doing what you want really solve the problem? Or will it make things worse? Think about the real-life consequences of each choice.
• Choose a solution. Once you’ve considered the possible outcomes, pick the option that seems best for you. Keep in mind that it might not be the easiest or most enjoyable choice! This is part of growing up.
• If you need to say something, do so calmly and offer reasonable arguments to express your feelings. If the other person isn’t willing to discuss or listen, let it go. It’s not worth continuing.
• When you feel angry or overly emotional, take a deep breath and count to 10. Don’t lose control and allow your rage to take over.
• If you tend to be quick-tempered, others might enjoy provoking you. When you can control your emotions, they won’t bother trying to provoke you anymore, and they’ll leave you alone.

Mastering assertiveness in communication. When people want to speak confidently, adults often use skills and an assertive attitude. Assertiveness is not about being arrogant, conceited, or aggressive. An assertive person expresses their thoughts and requests clearly while also being a good listener when others do the same. Arrogant and selfish individuals disregard others' needs and only focus on achieving their own goals, no matter the cost. Learn to stand up for yourself without being arrogant or aggressive, and you will feel more mature. Here are some ways to communicate assertively: - Use "I" statements. The phrase "You" makes others feel blamed and prevents them from sharing their views. Focus on your feelings and experiences to create thoughtful and effective conversations. For example, instead of saying, "Parents, listen to me!" try using an "I" statement: "I feel that my perspective is not being respected." When you say "I feel," people will often want to know why.

Avoid the habit of swearing. In many cultures, mature communication excludes cursing and swearing. Swearing can shock others or even make them feel disrespected. It can also make you appear flawed or rude in communication. Instead of swearing, try to expand your vocabulary. Learning new words can help you express yourself better. - If you tend to swear when frustrated or hurt, try transforming it into a creative sound game. For example, instead of swearing when you stub your toe, say something funny like "Darn it!"

Speak politely and avoid raising your voice. Raising your voice, especially when angry, can make others uncomfortable. It might even cause them to act in a way that stops you from speaking. Yelling is for children, not adults. - Even when you're upset, maintain a calm and steady tone.

Pay attention to your body language. Just like words, your body can convey a lot. For example, crossing your arms in front of your chest may indicate disinterest in what you’re hearing. Standing tiredly throughout a conversation suggests you're not fully present or you'd rather be somewhere else. Be aware of what your body is communicating and make sure it reflects what you want to express. - Keep your hands relaxed at your sides instead of crossing your arms. - Stand tall, puff your chest, and keep your head aligned with the floor. - Remember, facial expressions also play a part in communication. Avoid rolling your eyes or staring down.

Engage in conversations about grown-up topics. For example, discussions about school, news, life experiences, and lessons learned. Of course, you can still have fun with friends, but it's about the audience. You may not discuss the same things with your math teacher that you would with your close friends. - Ask questions. A sign of maturity is being intelligently curious. If all you're doing is talking at someone, it may not seem like you're truly mature. Let others contribute their thoughts. If something interests you, suggest, "Tell me more about that!" - Don’t pretend to know something you don’t. Admitting ignorance isn’t easy, but pretending only makes you seem and feel foolish when it gets revealed. It's better to openly admit, like saying, "I'm not very familiar with this. I’ll definitely need to learn more about it!"

Speak kindly. Remain silent if you have nothing positive to say. Immature individuals often criticize, point out others' mistakes, and are quick to make hurtful comments. Sometimes, they justify this behavior by claiming they are just being 'honest.' Mature individuals choose their words carefully, ensuring they do not hurt others in the name of honesty. Therefore, be cautious with your words and avoid saying things that may harm others. Treat people the way you want to be treated.

Learn to apologize sincerely when you make a mistake. No matter how careful you are, there will be times when you say something wrong or unintentionally hurt others. Since no one on earth is perfect, we all make mistakes at some point. Learn to bow your head and say 'I'm sorry.' A sincere apology when you’ve made a mistake is a true sign of maturity.

Speak the truth delicately. This is a skill that is hard to master, but considering whether you would want to hear something from someone else can help guide your choice of words. In Buddhism, there is a saying: 'Before speaking, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?' Think carefully before speaking. People around you will appreciate your honesty, and your empathy will show that you truly care about them.

• For example, if someone asks if a dress makes her look fat, think about what is most helpful to her. Beauty is subjective, and commenting on appearance may not help. Instead, tell her that you love her, and she should always be herself. This might give her the confidence she needs.
• If you genuinely feel that the outfit isn’t flattering, there are ways to communicate that without judgment. For example, you could say 'You know, I prefer the red dress over this one,' which doesn’t comment on her body—no one needs that—and still addresses the question of whether the outfit is the best choice for her.
• Behavioral scientists point out that certain forms of deception are actually 'good for society,' like little white lies to prevent others from feeling embarrassed or hurt. Whether or not you choose to do this is up to you. Whatever you decide, do it with kindness.

Behave appropriately when interacting with others. Shake hands firmly, decisively, and maintain eye contact. If your culture has a different greeting style, use it politely and appropriately. When meeting someone new, try to remember their name and repeat it: 'Hello, Wendy.' Appropriate behavior reflects your respect and is a sign of maturity.

• In every conversation, listen carefully and maintain eye contact. However, don't stare at the person you're talking to. Follow the 50/70 rule: look into their eyes 50% of the time while speaking, and 70% when they are speaking.
• Avoid touching or moving things randomly. This is a sign of insecurity. Keep your hands open and relaxed.
• Don’t sit there thinking about other places you’d rather be. Most people can easily tell when you’re not paying attention to the conversation, and it can hurt their feelings.
• When you need to focus on the person you’re interacting with, don’t talk on the phone or text someone else. That’s a form of disrespect in communication.
• When in a new situation or community, observe the behavior of others for a while. Advising others on what they should or shouldn't do is not your place. Instead, observe and show respect.

Engage in proper online communication. Displaying appropriate online etiquette reflects your respect towards friends, family, and acquaintances. It’s a sign of maturity. Keep in mind that anything you post online could be seen by potential employers, teachers, and others. Therefore, avoid sharing anything that could embarrass or harm you.

• Avoid using harsh or offensive language. Don’t overuse exclamation marks. Remember, you're not there to assert your opinion, so don’t overwhelm others.
• Use the shift key. Capitalize proper nouns and the first letter of sentences, rather than writing everything in lowercase. Avoid "RaNDoM CaPiTaLs" as it makes your message harder to read.
• Avoid writing in all caps. Online, this is like shouting. It might be fine for a tweet about your team winning a championship, but it’s not suitable for everyday emails or social media posts.
• Start emails with a greeting (“Hello” in “Hello, An”). Failing to do so is impolite, especially when emailing someone you’re not familiar with or a teacher. Also, finish emails with words like “Thank you” or “Best regards.”
• Always double-check before sending an email or posting online to avoid mistakes. Use complete sentences and ensure proper punctuation.
• Avoid excessive use of abbreviations, slang, or emojis. While they are acceptable in casual chats with friends, refrain from using them in emails to teachers or in situations where you want to appear more mature.
• Remember the golden rule online, just as in real life: Treat others as you would like to be treated. If you want kindness, offer kindness. If you have nothing positive to say, stay silent.

Be helpful. Hold doors, pick up items, assist others when they need help. Also, consider becoming an active part of your community, like mentoring younger students, tutoring, or volunteering at an animal shelter. When you spread happiness to others, you’ll find yourself feeling happier. Helping others rather than focusing on your own needs is a mature action.

• Helping others will also boost your self-esteem. Studies show that assisting people gives a sense of accomplishment and pride in what you’ve done.
• Helping is not always reciprocated. In many cases, when you help someone, they may not say “thank you” or offer help in return. That’s on them. Remember, you help for you, not to get something back.

Avoid always trying to be the center of attention. Constantly speaking about yourself and dominating conversations instead of allowing others to share their thoughts shows a lack of respect and maturity. Taking a genuine interest in others’ hobbies and experiences can make you seem more mature and less self-centered. You might even discover new things or gain fresh perspectives on someone based on what you hear.

Accept compliments and criticism gracefully. If someone praises you, simply say “thank you.” If someone criticizes you, respond politely with “Alright, I’ll certainly take that into consideration.” Even if the criticism seems unwarranted, handling it politely will make you appear more mature.

• Try not to take criticism personally. Sometimes, people may genuinely want to help but lack the right way to express it. If you feel that’s the case, ask for clarification: “I heard you didn’t like my essay. Could you provide more detailed feedback to help me improve next time?”
• Sometimes, criticism says more about the person giving it than about you. Keep in mind that when someone criticizes you unfairly or maliciously, they might be trying to feel better by bringing you down. Don’t let it affect you.
• Accepting criticism politely doesn’t mean you can’t stand up for yourself. If someone’s words hurt you, calmly and respectfully let them know: “I’m sure you didn’t mean it, but your comment about my outfit really upset me. Next time, please avoid commenting on my appearance.”

• Be kind, understanding, and a friend to everyone! Don’t just be nice for a day, but all the time.
• Maturity is hard to achieve. However, don’t change who you are to fit it. Instead, cherish and enhance your true self. Age is no longer an issue. If you want to earn others' genuine respect, think and act as you wish to be perceived. Make sure that when you take action, you are confident about it and have solid reasoning behind your choices. If things don’t go as expected, try to stay calm, think about what to do next, and avoid blaming others. You took action, so you’re responsible for it. Be mature and accountable.
• When conflicts arise, avoid arguing; instead, try to resolve it logically and calmly. If an argument happens, end it as quickly as possible.
• Treat others as you wish to be treated. Essentially, this is the very definition of maturity.
• Set goals to become more mature and create a plan to achieve them. For example, you might decide to be more composed rather than talking about yourself all the time. Try it for a week and then reflect on what you’ve achieved. Even if it’s not perfect at first, keep trying.
• Be forgiving. Even when someone doesn’t deserve it, give them a second chance. This makes you a bigger and more mature person.
• Be aware of how you appear in different styles. Blond-dyed hair might show your personality, but if you have a serious job, whether right or wrong, people might think you’re not mature enough.
• Try to care about others' concerns. This will help you come across as more mature.
• Being punctual is a virtue!