Buzz
Note: This article is intended for general readers. Extroverted individuals might find other articles in this category more suitable for them.
Do your friends and family call you "loud," "annoying," or "talkative"? Do you talk so much that you forget to consider the opinions or feelings of others? If so, and if this is a recurring issue in your life, you can learn how to become a calmer person. Becoming calmer will significantly improve your relationships, as you'll be more attuned to the thoughts and feelings of others. Your friends and family will feel more respected, and they will stop giving you that “Can you be quiet?” look.
Start by identifying situations where calmness is required, then practice making calmness a natural part of your personality. Changing any trait takes time, so don't rush it. If someone who is typically lively and talkative suddenly becomes quiet and introverted, others may think something is wrong. Let them know that you're working on being more composed. Allow them to witness and appreciate the positive changes in you.
If you genuinely believe this is the right path for you, continue reading the steps below.
Steps
Displaying Calmness
Be More Cautious in Your Actions. Calm individuals rarely act impulsively, and they tend to consider various aspects before making decisions. They act with purpose and aren't easily drawn into every situation. They pause and think carefully before taking action. Take a moment to assess what could happen before moving forward.
- Calm individuals often keep to themselves. If everyone rushes to the window to see what's happening outside, the calm person will reflect on whether they care, and then proceed to observe, if at all. In general, they don't actively seek out excitement the way extroverts do.
Exhibit a calm and gentle body language. Calm individuals are generally more approachable than loud and energetic ones. Their body language is simple, and their facial expressions remain composed. They are not easily swept up in the dramatic stories unfolding around them. As a result, quiet individuals are often perceived as kinder than their boisterous counterparts, though this might not always be the case.
- To make others feel more comfortable around you, stand tall, look around, and observe your surroundings. Display a relaxed, natural attitude as if you were in an empty room. Take time to notice things you might typically overlook while chatting with someone nearby.
Remain calm and patient. When you're with a calm person, they have the ability to settle the atmosphere, helping everyone around them stay calm and think more clearly. Why not try to do the same? While others may be panicking, you can remain the calmest of them all. This way, when you do speak up, it will be rare, and everyone will instantly pay attention to you.
- This can be a powerful motivator for you to become a calm leader and work more efficiently. When you're composed, calm, and self-controlled, speaking clearly and logically, others will be more likely to listen to you.
Earn people's trust by speaking concisely and reliably. Always tell the truth and keep your promises. Avoid talking excessively, but ensure that everything you say holds value. Over time, people will come to appreciate this quality in you.
Being Calm While Engaging in Conversation
Speak with purpose. Avoid rambling if you have nothing significant to say. Instead, make each of your words count. After a while, people will start listening to you because they will know that what you say is important.
- If you talk too much, your words will lose impact and significance. Taking time to think before speaking will make your words carry more weight.
Klare Heston, LCSW
Nhân viên công tác xã hội y tế
Nhân viên công tác xã hội y tế
Klare Heston, một nhân viên công tác xã hội, cho rằng “Lời nói của bạn sẽ có trọng lượng hơn nếu bạn biết chọn lời mà nói. Thay vì nói lan man đủ thứ, hãy chọn lời nói cẩn thận khi bạn có ý kiến cần đóng góp. Bạn không nhất thiết phải trở thành trung tâm của cả nhóm để tìm kiếm sự tự tin. Đôi khi điều ngược lại mới đúng!”
Để người khác làm tâm điểm trong cuộc hội thoại. Hãy lịch sự và tinh tế hướng sự chú ý của mọi người khỏi bản thân, và nhường vị trí trung tâm cho người khác. Nếu bạn không đồng ý với quan điểm của họ, hãy nói rõ cho họ biết. Xem xét kĩ vai trò của người đó và phản hồi của bạn có ảnh hưởng thế nào đến suy nghĩ của họ. Khi bạn đã có đủ thông tin, bạn sẽ biết khi nào thì nên nói gì.
- Việc này sẽ giúp bạn trở thành một người biết lắng nghe hơn. Bạn sẽ chủ động tập trung vào người khác và nhường sự chú ý của mọi người cho họ. Bạn sẽ bất ngờ vì những gì mình đã học được.
- Đừng quá yên lặng khi mới gặp ai đó. Người đó có thể cho rằng bạn kì lạ hoặc không đáng để họ trò chuyện. Thay vào đó, hãy cân bằng giữa lắng nghe người khác và hỏi han họ.
- Đừng nói những điều không cần thiết. Cần nghĩ trước khi nói. Hãy tạm dừng khi bị kích động hoặc hào hứng. Không nên ngắt lời người khác.
Quan sát ngôn ngữ cơ thể của người mà bạn đang nói chuyện. Dành thời gian lắng nghe những gì ẩn sau lời nói của họ thay vì mang ý kiến và bình luận của mình nhảy bổ vào câu chuyện. Liệu họ thật sự cảm thấy thế nào? Họ sẽ phản ứng như thế nào? Bạn đã nhận ra điều gì mà trước đây bạn không để ý tới?
- Không phải là những người nói nhiều không thích làm hoặc không làm được như vậy. Nhưng sẽ dễ dàng hơn nếu bạn có thể dồn tâm trí vào việc quan sát thay vì quan sát “và” tìm đúng từ ngữ để nói. Hãy tự hỏi chính con người ồn ào trong mình xem: bạn đã nhìn thấy hoặc nhận ra điều gì về thế giới mà trước đây bạn không hề chú ý?
Ngừng ngắt lời người khác. Khi bạn ngắt lời ai đó, bạn đã thể hiện sự thiếu tôn trọng những suy nghĩ và cảm giác của họ. Hãy để họ nói xong trước khi bạn phát biểu suy nghĩ của mình. Nếu bạn không biết chắc rằng mình có làm họ gián đoạn không, hãy nói: “Xin lỗi, tớ có ngắt lời cậu không? Cậu nói tiếp đi”. Như thế, họ sẽ cảm thấy được tôn trọng hơn.
- Dành vài giây để nghĩ xem bạn đã nói được bao nhiêu từ nãy tới giờ, và người kia đã nói được bao nhiêu. Nếu lâu lâu rồi mà bạn chưa nói câu nào, hãy lên tiếng. Không một cuộc trò chuyện nào là hoàn thiện nếu một bên cứ hoàn toàn câm nín. Cũng như muốn vỗ tay phải có cả hai bàn tay – nếu bạn đã nói nãy giờ, hãy để người kia được lên tiếng. Bạn chỉ cần ghi nhớ là phải để họ nói xong thì mới tới phiên bạn.
Ask questions that focus on the other person. Everyone loves talking about themselves, and if you allow them to do so, they will greatly appreciate your company. Being calm doesn’t mean remaining silent – it means speaking concisely, asking interesting questions, and making precise points. So, don’t force yourself to be quiet; simply learn to ask the right questions.
- For example, if someone you know just went skydiving, instead of saying “I’ve done skydiving too, it’s amazing!”, try asking “That sounds exciting! How was it? Was it your first time?”. If they engage in this conversation, they might ask you if you’ve ever tried it too.
Speak more softly. Keep your voice gentle, but at a volume that’s audible. Calm people are often soft-spoken, even when they speak up. It’s rare for anything to make them angry. They express joy through their expressions and tone (such as a raised eyebrow, or a quiet cheer...).
- However, there’s a fine line here. Speaking too softly could also become an inconvenience. Others may find it confusing if they can’t hear you clearly. So, when you lower your voice, make sure it’s still audible, but don’t whisper.
Learn to grab attention by speaking less. People who think carefully before they speak tend to say things that are very wise. As a result, they earn the respect of others and become more trustworthy. Speak when necessary, but avoid filling the silence when you have nothing more to say.
- By saving your words for meaningful moments, what you say will carry much more weight. Be concise to maintain a calm demeanor and make your words more impactful when you do speak.
Express emotions through facial expressions. When you feel strongly about saying something you know you shouldn’t, let your face show your emotions instead. A quick eye roll or a subtle smile can have a great effect, and others will find it harder to read you. Have you ever seen a calm friend use facial expressions to comment on something? They seem humorous even without speaking. Learn to express with your face when necessary.
- Of course, do this with caution. A quick eye roll towards a sensitive person could cause them distress if you’re not careful. Know who you’re talking to and when it’s appropriate to use this technique.
Be open-minded. Don’t assume that people in different positions or with differing opinions are wrong, foolish, or malicious. Try to understand why they think the way they do, and where their reasoning comes from. This way, you will be able to see both sides of the issue and have a more open perspective. You’ll be motivated to ask them questions and think more deeply about the conversation.
- This doesn’t mean calm people understand more. It just means that by listening, you can understand the other person’s viewpoint and give them a chance to explain themselves better. So, when someone says something you disagree with, don’t rush to rebut. Listen first, and then you can present your thoughts later.
- Don’t stay silent just to annoy others. Silence to avoid confrontation is not a helpful tactic; it’s cowardly. Always express your point of view during debates, but do so reasonably and at a moderate volume.
- Don’t be rude or curt – respond politely when asked for an opinion, and answer intelligently instead of just saying “yes” or “no”. Your goal is calmness, not rudeness or abruptness. Your goal is to speak concisely, not to be arrogant or evasive.
Embrace a Peaceful Life
Practice meditation daily to help you center yourself in just a few minutes. Meditation not only sharpens your mind and enhances clarity, but it also helps reduce cholesterol and blood pressure levels. Just 10 to 15 minutes each day can leave you feeling calm and mentally sharp for the entire day.
- If sitting in meditation isn’t for you, you can try other activities that offer similar benefits. Take a walk in the park, read a book, or grab a journal and jot down your thoughts. Any activity that allows you to be “just with yourself” will be beneficial.
- Do others often tease you, saying you should go hiking? Play along and join in on the activity.
- Live in the present by practicing mindfulness and meditation exercises. Exploring scientific mysteries (the universe, quantum theory) can also provide deep, introspective experiences.
Keep a journal. One method to help you shift your focus and become more observant is by journaling. Write daily and ask yourself questions such as:
- How do I feel? Why?
- What did I learn today? From whom?
- What new ideas have come to me? Who or what have I been thinking about?
- How is today different from yesterday? From last week? From last year?
- What can I be grateful for? Who in the world might be feeling lonely? Why?
Rely on Yourself. While it’s perfectly okay to ask others for help, your self-confidence will empower you to handle things on your own, earning you greater respect from others. And when you genuinely need assistance, your self-awareness will guide you to ask the right questions.
Find a hobby. When you have time to sit in silence, contemplating deep thoughts, you’ll find it easier than when surrounded by a group of friends. You may even be surprised by how much you enjoy spending time alone. You’ll learn to nurture your inner self and prepare what to say when conversing with others. Try knitting, gardening, or activities that don’t require interaction with others. Picking up a good book to read can also be very beneficial.
- In the book “What Do I Say Next?” – by Mingling Maven Susan RoAne – she writes: “There are people who quietly go about their business and accomplish great things… but they can also be shallow.” If you are someone who tends to be shallow, people will feel relieved if you remain silent. To avoid this, you should improve yourself and become someone people want to be around, even when you don’t chatter incessantly.
- Remember, a quiet person can do the same things as an outspoken one. You can sing, dance, play an instrument… Just return to your calm state once you’ve completed those activities.
- However, once you’ve been quiet during your free time, it becomes harder to become animated in other situations. This is because silence has an impact on your mood. Imagine spending a whole day reading in peace, and then suddenly having to attend a party. You might still be absorbed in the world of the book and naturally remain quieter and more introverted.
Spend more time alone. Writer Susan Cain says, “Silence is the catalyst for creativity.” Being alone with your thoughts can be one of the most fulfilling and productive times of your day. You will become exactly what “you” want to be. This isn't just about free time to do as you wish—over time, you'll grow to appreciate and enjoy the time spent alone.
- You can use that time to develop a new hobby, journal, take your dog for a walk, or shop freely. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do something. You'll soon realize that interacting with others doesn't always enhance or detract from those enjoyable moments. However, don't turn into a hermit; use these moments alone to nurture your creativity.
Spend time with introverted friends. When you're around loud, lively, and extroverted people, you'll likely become that way too. To learn how to appreciate those with opposing personalities, spend time with them and speak less. You'll discover that it's a new form of joy.
- Quiet people enjoy hanging out with other quiet people, though not always. If you don’t have many quiet friends, ask the most reserved person you know to introduce you to their circle. Having friends who are quiet (or trying to be) is a great support. You can also join other peaceful activities, like a book club or cooking class, to meet more introverted friends.
Consider seeing a therapist. Not only will you have more time to talk about yourself, but you can explore why you might want to become quieter and whether you need others’ attention. Therapists aren’t just for those with mental health issues; they are also for people who want to connect more deeply with themselves.
- If someone makes you feel like you're too loud, talk about it. You might be perfectly fine unless “you” perceive it as a problem. It's important to be comfortable with your natural personality.
Be honest with yourself. At the end of the day, some people will naturally be more lively than others. You don't have to become quieter—being yourself is enough. If you do feel the need to change, make adjustments that feel right and natural. If you want to speak up, do so. If you want to dance, dance. We all have lively sides in some ways. You might even find you have quieter moments than others.
- If you feel the need to be quieter, choose the best moment for it. A family dinner? In class? Don’t force yourself to be quiet—be calm in the right moments. Because there will also be times when you’ll need to be lively.
If you’ve decided, take a 'silence vow' for a while. You might start with an hour of complete silence. Then try three hours. If you can be silent for a whole day, you may start noticing things you’ve never observed before.
- The best time to take the “vow” of silence is when you're in pain, like after getting braces, a root canal, or just bumping your head. Don't harm yourself, but find appropriate moments to embrace silence more.
