How to Become Patient

Whether stuck in traffic or dealing with a challenging project, our natural reaction is often frustration and impatience when things don’t go as planned. Learning to control and resolve impatience can help you stay calm, be happier, and understand more deeply, no matter the frustrating situation you're in.

Recognize the signs of impatience. If you find yourself in a stressful situation, pay attention to the thoughts in your head signaling impatience, such as ‘I wonder how much longer this will take?’ or ‘This person is so annoying!’ When these thoughts arise, stop and focus on the physical sensations in your body. You may quickly notice physical signs of impatience, and becoming aware of them can help you control it. Some physical signs to watch for include:

• Tightened muscles
• Restlessness, fidgeting feet or legs
• Clenched fists
• Rapid breathing
• Fast heartbeat
• Agitation or anger

Identify the causes of your impatience. When you realize that you are feeling impatient, the next step is to identify the cause. Think beyond the immediate frustration and ask yourself, 'What is truly making me feel this way?' Some common causes of impatience include:

• When things around you don't go as planned. For instance, you might be stuck in traffic or find a restaurant more crowded than you expected, leading to frustration and irritation.
• When other people act in ways that don't meet your expectations. For example, you may get annoyed when a customer in front of you at the grocery store blocks the aisle or talks too long to the cashier.
• When you can't grasp a new skill as quickly as you hoped. For instance, you might feel frustrated when you're unable to understand a math formula or a new concept. Perhaps you assumed you'd grasp it instantly with minimal effort.
• When you can't control your thoughts. You may feel frustrated with yourself for not being able to control the thoughts or emotions that arise in your mind, even though you know there's little you can do about it.

Pause for a moment to calm yourself. There are small and simple steps that can help you break the cycle before impatience gets out of control and allow you a chance to regain composure. Focus on your body’s movements and sensations to distract yourself from the anxious feeling.

• A highly effective calming technique is to focus on your surroundings. For example, you can spend a few seconds noticing the sensation of your feet on the floor, sitting in your chair, or holding an object in your hand.
• You could also try a mindfulness exercise, such as focusing on three blue objects around you. These simple actions can help you center yourself in the present moment.

Take five deep breaths to slow your heart rate. Close your eyes and take a deep breath into your abdomen. Hold your breath for a second, then slowly exhale. Feel your body relax, and let a sense of calm settle into your mind, easing any fiery thoughts.

• In addition to calming your body, taking several deep breaths forces you to pause before acting impulsively or saying something thoughtless.

Change your perspective on the situation, if possible. Most of the situations that cause impatience are not easily changed (if there were a quick solution, you would have found it already!). Instead of focusing on feelings of helplessness, concentrate on what you can change: your attitude and perception of the situation. Remind yourself, 'Even though I can't escape this situation, what can I do to improve it?'

• If you're frustrated with a paper you're writing, for example, try altering your environment to make it more comfortable. Play some music that helps you focus, brew a cup of tea, or grab a snack.
• You might also handle the factors causing frustration, such as if you’re losing too much time writing an essay, try covering the clock so you’re not constantly checking the time and feeling anxious.

Find a positive or interesting aspect in the situation, if you can. If you cannot change the situation, the best thing you can do is change your outlook on it. Look for something positive in your current circumstances and focus on that instead of your frustration. This might be difficult at first – like many other negative emotions, impatience can feel satisfying and powerful in the short term – but focusing on the positive will help you feel better in the long run.

• If you're stuck in traffic, for example, talk to someone in your car, or if you have Bluetooth, call a friend or family member. Change the radio station or play a different CD and sing along.
• If you find yourself in a boring or frustrating situation, use the time wisely. For example, if you’re driving, put on an interesting audiobook. If you’re waiting at the doctor’s office, bring along something to do.

Keep a journal to identify patterns in situations where you often lose patience. Carry a small notebook with you and make notes whenever you feel impatient. Record the date, time, and the situation that triggered your frustration, as well as your physical and emotional reactions. After two weeks, review your journal and see if you can spot recurring triggers for your impatience.

• For instance, you might realize that you tend to lose patience with people around you. You could write: 'June 1st, during math class. So frustrated because Giang is taking forever to finish his work. My muscles were tensed.'
• Keeping a journal has another benefit: it helps you release pent-up frustration, making you feel calmer and less tense.
• Your impatience might stem from certain environmental triggers or even your health. For example, you might find yourself more irritated after spending too much time on social media. Some people also feel more agitated when they consume caffeine, like coffee or other caffeinated beverages.

Develop a personal strategy to cope with triggers. Sit down, open your journal, and list things that seem to trigger your impatience. Ask yourself what actions you can take to control your emotions in those situations and write down a step-by-step plan of what to do to handle them.

• For example, if you often get angry with family or friends, your strategy might be: 'Take three deep breaths. Explain why I’m upset. Pause for a moment and walk away if I still feel angry.'
• If you find that certain foods or drinks make you more irritable, try removing them from your diet.
• If social media makes you frustrated or upset, consider turning off notifications on your phone or using an app to block access for a few hours during the day.
• Be creative and try different solutions to see which works best. Give yourself time to improve; even if it doesn’t work immediately, you’ll gradually get better at managing your emotions.

Practice short meditation sessions when you feel impatient. Turn each moment of potential impatience into an opportunity to focus on your breath and self-reflect. Stand or sit in a stable posture, take deep breaths, and focus on the sensation of inhaling and exhaling. If possible, close your eyes or concentrate on a fixed point across the room.

• Practice these short meditation sessions several times a day, even when you’re feeling calm. Once you’re accustomed to meditating during peaceful moments, it will become easier to meditate during stressful times.

Adjust your expectations. The world doesn’t always unfold the way you expect, so you’ll likely feel disappointed if you constantly get frustrated when things, people, or events don’t meet the high standards you set. If you feel impatient, you might need to reconsider your expectations. For example:

• If you’re frustrated because your weight loss plan isn’t going as expected, remind yourself that shedding extra pounds doesn’t happen in just a week, and it will take longer to see results.
• If you’re irritated by traffic, think about how the 20-minute commute you’ve always expected actually takes an average of 35 minutes. It’s not always going to be 20 minutes every single time.
• If you’re upset that your husband keeps forgetting your anniversary, instead of getting angry, accept that he might not remember as easily as you do. Mark the date on your family calendar and remind him a week ahead so you can plan activities together that you both enjoy.

Exercise regularly to release built-up tension. Try to incorporate some physical activity into your daily routine, even if it's just a short walk or running up and down the stairs. These activities help burn off the stress hormones that can make you irritable, helping you stay calm in stressful situations more easily.

• If you have the time, consider engaging in more intense exercises like jogging, swimming, cycling, or light weightlifting.
• Sometimes, physical movement can help you cope with feelings of impatience. If you're feeling frustrated while working on a project, take a break, stand up, and walk around for a few minutes.
• If you're stuck in traffic, try swinging your arms or nodding your head along with the music.

Prepare for feelings of impatience when waiting for long periods. Many people get impatient when forced to wait, such as in crowded waiting rooms or slow-service restaurants. However, distracting yourself with other activities while you wait can make it easier to stay patient.

• For example, you could bring a book, a crossword puzzle, or a portable game system when heading to places where you may have to wait, like clinics or crowded supermarkets.
• You can also distract yourself with whatever is around you. Listen to others talk, watch the drivers stuck in traffic, or read the headlines in a newspaper while in line.

Seek help if you're feeling exhausted. Impatience can be a sign of burnout. If you're frequently stressed, irritable, or impatient, it could mean you're under too much pressure. Look for tasks you can delegate and talk to a friend, family member, or colleague to see if they can lend a hand. By lightening your load, you can ease some of the pressure and become less impatient.

• For example, if you're feeling overwhelmed with a project, talk to your boss or teacher to see if a colleague or classmate can assist.
• You can say, "I've been working really hard, but I can't handle this project on my own. Can I ask a colleague to help?"
• Don't hesitate to ask for support, especially when it concerns your mental health. People are usually willing to help, and you'll feel much better when you have someone to share the burden with.

Learn to view your feelings in a broader context. When you're racing to complete a task, it might seem like finishing quickly is the most important thing – and thoughts about the potential consequences of not finishing in time can make you impatient. Instead, ask yourself, "Why am I rushing so much?" Even if you complete the task a little slower, it's still done, and everything will turn out fine in the end.

• This advice might not apply in urgent situations related to life and death. For example, if you're waiting for an ambulance to help an injured person, it's crucial that the ambulance arrives as quickly as possible.
• In this case, redirect your impatience towards any actions you can take, such as making the victim more comfortable or providing information to the emergency dispatch.

Be kind to yourself. If you often feel frustrated with yourself, take a step back and acknowledge that you can’t demand too much from yourself. Striving for self-improvement and learning new skills is wonderful, but self-blame will only erode your confidence. Instead, confront your shortcomings and see what you can do to improve, even turning them into strengths.

• The impatience you feel with yourself often stems from the belief that faster is always better, but unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.
• By taking things slow and being patient, you will gain a deeper understanding of concepts, and this approach can even make the process more engaging.
• Remember, most things require time and effort to master. Patience with yourself is a valuable gift you can give yourself.

Accept that things don’t always unfold the way you expect. People often lose patience when things don’t go their way. Rather than demanding that situations unfold in a particular way, try loosening your expectations and embrace the unexpected twists that come along your path. Understand that both people and situations will never be perfect, and embrace life’s surprises and detours with ease and humor.

• For example, instead of getting upset when someone spills a glass of wine, remember that it was just an accident, and nobody is perfect. Take a deep breath, reassure them that it's fine, and move on.

Make a list of things you are grateful for every day. Research shows that people who regularly practice gratitude tend to be more patient and self-controlled. You can do this by taking a moment each day to reflect on 3-4 positive things in your life. Take a moment to bask in the feeling of gratitude and peace.

• Things you might be grateful for include a roof over your head, the dreams and goals you have for the future, and the people who love and support you.

Build your confidence and trust that you will find other solutions. Everyone faces challenges that seem insurmountable at times. Cultivating self-confidence helps you realize that you are intelligent and strong enough to overcome obstacles, no matter how frustrated or impatient you may feel.

• For example, you might feel discouraged after applying for many jobs and facing rejection, but believing in yourself will keep your spirits high and motivate you to keep trying until you achieve your goal.