How to Become Silent

Think Before You Speak. Those with a tendency to be loud often lack this essential skill. So, the next time you feel compelled to say something, pause for a moment and ask yourself if what you're about to say will actually benefit the situation. Will it provide someone with useful information, make them laugh, offer comfort, or share something they need to hear? If you don't believe your words will truly help anyone, keep them to yourself.

• One rule to follow when starting this practice is to speak only when you can think of one of two things. When in a quieter environment, you may speak one of three things, or even four.

Don't Interrupt Others. Avoid constantly cutting someone off while they are speaking unless you believe what you want to say is important to the conversation. (Let's face it—when would it really be appropriate?) Interrupting others is not only rude, but it disrupts the flow of the conversation and will make you appear as the one who talks the most. If you absolutely need to comment or ask a question, make a note and wait until the other person has finished speaking to ensure your point is still relevant.

• You’ll be surprised by how many questions get answered if you let people talk.

Ask Questions Instead of Talking About Yourself. If you work in a quieter space, you may have the tendency to focus too much on yourself or what truly interests you, rather than letting others share their opinions. So, the next time you have a conversation and it’s your turn to speak, ask others questions to better understand the topic and learn more about them—from their hobbies to what they do for fun.

• You don’t need to interrogate people or ask questions that make them uncomfortable. Keep it light, friendly, and polite. Remember, this conversation is more about showing interest in and engaging with others' thoughts, feelings, and perspectives, and saying less about your own life.

Count Backwards from 10 Before Saying Something.

If you’ve thought of making an interesting comment, wait 10 seconds before speaking. Counting backwards from 10 will help you determine if your idea still seems as engaging or if it gives others time to voice their opinions, preventing you from blurt out something you might regret. This technique is also helpful if you're feeling angry or upset and want to express dissatisfaction. Giving yourself a moment to calm down can stop you from saying something you'll later regret.

• Once you get the hang of it, you can even count down from 5. Even that short pause can help you decide whether to remain silent or speak.

Listen Carefully. If you want to remain silent, you must make an effort to be a good listener. When someone speaks to you, make eye contact, pick up on key points, and try to interpret their facial expressions to understand what they’re saying and how they feel. Let them talk without getting impatient or distracted by messages on your phone.

• Ask questions that help them express their thoughts, but avoid irrelevant queries that might confuse them.
• The more effort you put into being a good listener, the less you’ll dominate the conversation. Ideally, you should balance your speaking and listening time evenly. A well-balanced conversation is the most effective.

Stop Complaining. If you find yourself spending too much time talking about things that bothered you during the day—like the awful traffic this morning, the tricky email you got from a friend, or how the cold winter weather is cramping your style—consider what feedback you’re truly bringing to the conversation. Where will this conversation go? Will it lead to any positive results? How might others perceive you and your attitude through your words?

• If complaining about things you can’t change genuinely helps you feel better, try writing it down in a journal. You don’t have to complain loudly, right?
• If you have a real issue and need to talk about it, that’s fine too. – What we’re emphasizing here is that complaining should serve a useful purpose in the context of the conversation.

Focus on your breathing. If you find yourself feeling lost and on the verge of talking without any reason, take a moment to focus on your breath. Pay attention to the rise and fall of your breath and try to breathe more deeply and evenly. Stop fidgeting and listen to what's happening around you. Focus on your thoughts and feelings instead of any complaints you might want to voice.

• This technique will help you calm down and realize that speaking isn't always that important.

Take time to process what you hear. You might be someone who reacts immediately to things you hear and feel compelled to share your thoughts/questions/comments right away. However, this isn't always the best way to handle situations. By taking a moment to process what's happening and formulating a more thoughtful question or comment, you'll find yourself speaking less but saying more meaningful things.

• This gives you time to self-correct and avoid blurting out unnecessary “nonsense” that serves no real purpose.

Find a hobby that requires silence. Practicing silence when you're alone can help you maintain silence around others. A great way to build this habit is by finding a hobby that demands silence, ideally when you're by yourself. Try activities like painting, writing, yoga, composing music, stamp collecting, birdwatching, or anything that requires you to be quiet and not speak the thoughts running through your mind.

• Reading is also highly effective in helping you stay quiet while processing the words in front of you.
• Try staying silent for at least one hour while you engage in your hobby. Then increase the time to two hours, and then three. Could you go an entire day without speaking?

Release energy in other ways. Perhaps you're talking a lot—sometimes excessively—because you feel like you have so much energy and don't know how to release it. Therefore, finding another way to release all those thoughts will help you clear your mind.

• Exercise—especially running—can help you channel your energy productively while burning off excess energy. You could also try hiking or cooking. Find any activity that suits you.

Resist the temptation of online chatting. Online chatting often fills your life with noise, and much of what you say isn't really that important. If you genuinely want to talk to your friends, pick up the phone or meet in person instead of mindlessly typing away on your computer. The next time you feel the urge to chat online to check in on your 28th best friend, turn off your computer and go for a walk.

Take a break from social media. It might be a good idea to take a break from Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and any other social media platforms you may be overusing. These websites are filled with noise, people trying to impress one another, and meaningless words that make you feel obligated to respond. If you're really addicted, try limiting yourself to just 10 - 15 minutes per day for all social media instead of checking them every chance you get.

• You’d probably prefer hearing from your closest friends in person rather than listening to perfect strangers boast about their lives online, right? Step away from all the foreign voices and focus only on the important ones.

Write in a journal. Develop a habit of journaling at the end of each day or week. This can help you get your random thoughts down on paper, stay silent, and feel as though you've confided in someone without having to talk to your 15 closest friends. You can write about the events of the day, and this may prompt deeper questions and more thoughtful reflections.

• You may be surprised by how much quieter you become just by writing one page in a journal each day.

Meditate. Meditation is an excellent way to calm your mind and relax your body. Spend 10 - 20 minutes each morning finding a comfortable spot in a quiet room, closing your eyes, and focusing on your breath. Pay attention to relaxing each part of your body, and notice what you hear, smell, feel, and observe while you sit. Push away any negative thoughts, focus on the present moment, appreciate the silence, and you’ll have a more focused and quiet day ahead.

• Meditation can help prevent feeling overwhelmed by giving you better control over your mind and body.

Appreciate nature. Take a walk. Visit the beach. Admire the lush greenery in the garden across town. Plan a weekend trip to the forest. Do whatever brings you closer to nature. You'll be amazed at the beauty and energy of something that has existed longer than you realize, and all doubts and chatter will fade away. It's hard to keep chatting about your next math test when you're standing at the base of a majestic mountain that has stood the test of time.

• Make it a weekly habit to spend time in nature. You could even bring your journal along to write down your thoughts.

Turn off the music. Music can certainly lift your spirits when you're studying, jogging, or commuting. However, it can also create extra noise, making you feel like talking more, getting agitated, or becoming overly stimulated. Classical music or jazz might be fine, but loud music with catchy lyrics can echo in your head, preventing you from staying calm and controlling your day’s activities.

Give yourself time. If you're someone who tends to speak loudly and often, you won’t become a Silent Person overnight. However, if you make a conscious effort to speak less each day, pursue hobbies and activities that help you become quieter, and focus on becoming a better listener rather than a talker, you'll find yourself becoming more silent sooner than you think. So, sit back, be patient, and enjoy the feeling of all the random noise fading away from your mind – and from your vocal cords.