How to Befriend Someone Who Has Attempted Suicide

Always be there for them. The greatest thing you can do for a friend who has attempted suicide is to consistently offer your support. Simple gestures like a hug, a shoulder to lean on, or a listening ear can help them move forward. Let your friend know you’re always available to take their call or spend time with them. Even if they don’t want to talk about the suicide, that’s okay. They might not communicate as they used to or may remain silent. Don’t let that stop you from being there for them. Sometimes, your presence is all they need.

• You don’t need to bring up the suicide, but be ready to listen if they want to discuss it.
• If the attempt happened recently, show your support by offering help and letting them know how glad you are that they’re still here.

Understand. It might be difficult for you to comprehend why your friend attempted suicide. You may experience a range of emotions, such as anger, shame, or guilt. However, putting yourself in their shoes can be incredibly helpful. Try to grasp the pain behind their actions, whether it stems from depression, trauma, hopelessness, recent losses, overwhelming burdens, illness, addiction, or isolation. Recognize that your friend is in deep distress, regardless of the specific reasons.

• You may never fully understand what someone thinks before attempting suicide. But if you care about your friend and the attempt happened recently, do your best to empathize with the pain they’ve endured.

Listen. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your friend is simply to sit down and listen. Let them express themselves freely. Avoid interrupting or trying to "fix" the problem. Don’t compare their situation to yours or anyone else’s, and remember that no one can truly feel what they’ve been through. Give them your full attention without distractions. This shows genuine care because you’re fully present.

• Sometimes, listening is just as important as offering the right advice.
• While listening, avoid judging or trying to pinpoint the cause of the suicide attempt. Instead, focus on how they’re feeling and what they need from you.
• Your friend might want to talk about the suicide repeatedly. It’s natural for them to revisit what happened. Be patient and let them speak as much as they need.

Offer help. You can assist your friend in various ways during this difficult time. Listen to them and ask what they need most, then volunteer to help. Also, inquire about things they don’t need to avoid doing anything unnecessary or unwanted.

• For example, if your friend is anxious about finding therapy, offer to accompany them to a doctor’s appointment. If they feel overwhelmed, suggest helping with dinner, babysitting, chores, or anything else that might ease their burden.
• Even small acts of help can make a big difference. Don’t assume any task is too minor to matter.
• Help can also include giving them a mental break. They might feel exhausted from discussing the suicide. Offer to take them out for dinner or a movie.

Learn how to protect your friend. If your friend recently attempted suicide and you sense they might try again, do everything you can to keep them safe. Know who you can call or reach out to for assistance. This could be school counselors, parents, or even emergency services like 115 if your friend says they can’t protect themselves.

• For regions outside the U.S., visit suicide prevention websites for hotline numbers or online chat support.
• Remember, you can’t do this alone. Other friends and family members must also step in to help keep the person away from situations that could increase suicidal thoughts.

Ask their loved ones about keeping them safe. If the person was hospitalized after the attempt or is seeing a specialist, they might have a safety plan. Ask if you can know the plan and how you can help. If they don’t have one, consider finding an online counselor to help create one. Learn from your friend how to recognize signs of despair or overwhelm and how you can intervene. Ask how safe they feel and request the information you need to step in if necessary.

• For instance, they might say that staying in bed all day and avoiding calls is a sign they’re in a dark place. This would be your cue to call for additional help.

Help them take small steps forward. Your friend should see a specialist or healthcare professional and consider medication. Alongside ensuring they’re recovering with support, you can help them make small changes to improve their life. Avoid suggesting drastic changes; instead, focus on manageable steps.

• For example, if they’re devastated by a failed relationship, gradually help them move on by organizing fun activities and encouraging them to start dating when the time is right.
• If your friend is deeply upset about a stagnant career, assist them in exploring new opportunities or discuss returning to school.

Ensure you’re not alone. Don’t think it’s selfish to ask others (like friends, family, or healthcare professionals) for help. This can prevent you from feeling overwhelmed. If you start feeling drained, let the person know you need a break, some alone time, or time with other friends or family to recharge. Explain that you need this time to recover and will return once you feel better. Setting clear boundaries by stating what you’re willing and unwilling to do is also helpful.

• For instance, let them know you’re happy to have dinner together weekly but won’t keep dangerous signs a secret and will seek help to ensure their safety.
• They shouldn’t ask you to keep secrets, and it’s crucial that other trusted individuals know about the suicide attempt.

Foster hope. Try to fill them with hope for the future. This can prevent future suicidal thoughts. Encourage them to think and talk about hope. Ask how hope influences them. You might ask questions like:

• Who would you call to feel hopeful right now?
• What makes you feel hopeful, such as emotions, art, music, colors, or objects?
• How do you build and nurture your hope?
• What threatens your hope?
• Imagine a hopeful picture. What do you see?
• Where do you turn to regain hope when feeling hopeless?

Check in on them. Let them know you’re thinking of them even when you’re apart. Ask if you can check in and how often. You can also inquire about their preferred method, like calling, texting, or visiting.

• When checking in, avoid bringing up the suicide unless you suspect they’re harming themselves. Instead, ask how they’re doing, what they’re up to, and if they need any help.

Watch for warning signs. Don’t assume your friend won’t attempt suicide again just because they failed once. Unfortunately, about 10% of those who threaten or attempt suicide eventually end their lives. This doesn’t mean you must monitor their every move, but stay vigilant for dangerous signs. If you suspect another attempt, notify someone and seek help, especially if you notice threats or talk of self-harm, unusual references to death, or expressions of not wanting to "exist." Be aware of warning signs like:

• Intent (desire to die)
• Substance abuse
• Impulsiveness
• Anxiety
• Feeling trapped
• Hopelessness
• Withdrawal
• Anger
• Recklessness
• Mood swings

Don’t blame them for the suicide attempt. They need love and support, not lectures on right and wrong. They may already feel ashamed, guilty, and emotionally wounded. Blaming them won’t help strengthen or maintain your friendship.

• You might feel anger or guilt about their attempt and want to ask why they didn’t seek help sooner. However, interrogating them won’t benefit them or your friendship, especially if the attempt happened recently.

Acknowledge the suicide attempt. Don’t pretend it never happened or ignore it, hoping things will return to normal. You shouldn’t completely disregard what occurred, even if your friend doesn’t bring it up. Try to say kind and encouraging things, even if they feel inadequate. Speaking up is better than staying silent.

• For example, you could say you’re sorry they went through such a difficult time and ask if there’s anything you can do for them. Whatever you say, make sure your friend knows you genuinely care.
• Remember, you’re in an uncomfortable situation, and no one knows exactly how to act when someone close to them has attempted suicide.

Recognize suicide as a serious issue. Many people think a suicide attempt is just a cry for attention and that the person doesn’t truly want to end their life. A suicide attempt is a serious matter, indicating underlying complex issues and deep pain. Avoid telling them you think they did it for attention. Doing so undermines the gravity of their decision and makes your friend feel worse and undervalued.

• Empathy is crucial. If you tell your friend they did it for attention, you’re not truly trying to understand their situation.
• It might be easier for you to downplay their struggles, but this doesn’t help them recover from the attempt.

Don’t make them feel guilty. Making them feel guilty is thoughtless, even if you feel hurt or betrayed by their actions. Your friend may already feel guilty and ashamed, worrying about how their actions affected others. Instead of saying things like, "Didn’t you think about your family and friends?" try to empathize with them.

• Remember, they may still feel hopeless or fragile, and what they need most now is your love and support.

Give them time. There’s no quick or easy fix for dealing with a suicide attempt. You can’t expect things to magically improve just by taking medication. The thoughts leading to suicidal actions are often complex, and so is the recovery process. While it’s crucial to ensure they get the help they need, don’t trivialize their struggles by thinking the solution is simple.

• You’ll want to heal your friend and ease their pain. But remember, they must work through their grief. The best you can do is offer support and assistance.

• Give them something to look forward to by planning activities you both enjoy, like jogging, exercising together, or a beach outing.
• Let them know it’s okay to cry and that having strange emotions is normal. Encourage them not to dwell on these feelings too deeply.
• Don’t feel like you always need to do something grand—your presence is enough. Simply sitting together on a park bench or watching a movie at home can be meaningful.
• Avoid excessive pity. Pity can make them feel burdened and even worse about themselves.

• Any relationship with someone who is hopeless or suicidal can be challenging and heartbreaking for a long time.
• No matter how genuine your efforts to connect with someone who has attempted suicide, your feelings might be rejected. Don’t take it personally—it’s hard for someone in despair to reach out to a new friend.
• Don’t make someone who has attempted suicide feel cornered or trapped when you first try to talk to them.