Buzz
Discover how to strike up a conversation with anyone, whether it’s a boy, girl, coworker, or complete stranger.
Knowing how to break the ice is vital in many situations and leads to more productive, relaxed conversations. Regardless of the ice you need to break, Mytour has some great ideas to help! Start with Step 1 below or explore the sections above to find the best solution for your situation.
Breaking the Ice
Notice something unique about the other person, such as their style or appearance, and ask them about it. You can also ask about recent events or what's happening around you. It’s a good idea to avoid sensitive topics like politics or religion when first meeting someone.
Steps
In Relationships
Own up to your nervousness. Going on a date is different from meeting people in other contexts... There are often many factors that make you feel extra anxious! Admitting that you're nervous, whether it's on a first date or simply with someone new, can serve as an excellent icebreaker. They’re likely feeling the same way, so voicing your shared thoughts can really help ease the tension.
Notice and make a comment about something they have or are doing. Pay attention to them carefully and notice details like what they’re wearing or how they carry themselves. Observe their speech patterns or accent. Look for something particularly interesting, like an item of clothing that stands out or something handmade. Compliment these details you’ve noticed.
- Avoid overemphasizing physical comments to avoid sounding disingenuous.
Encourage them to ask you questions. By letting them know it’s okay to ask you questions, you’ll make it easier for them to break the ice in your budding relationship. You could say something like, "Feel free to ask me anything." You can even give them a specific prompt, such as, "If you want to ask about my wooden leg, I’m open to it. I can talk about it."
- Be sure to ask your date personal questions about them as well!
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 269 Mytour readers, and 52% of them said their favorite first date conversation starters are questions about hobbies and interests. [Take Poll]
EXPERT TIP
John Keegan
Relationship Coach
Relationship Coach
Entering conversations with a sense of curiosity is always a great approach. Approach social interactions with an open mind, even if their question isn’t exactly what you expected. Just take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy the moment—be yourself!
Be direct. There’s something refreshing about being straightforward, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. If you spot someone you’re interested in getting to know and potentially dating, just say it out loud. For some, it might not appeal, but for many (especially the attractive ones), ditching the games for a genuine conversation will feel like a breath of fresh air. You might say something like, "I’m sorry, I saw you from across the room, and it felt like the air was knocked out of me. I just had to introduce myself or I’d never forgive myself."
Comment on their name. If their name is unique or a bit out of the ordinary (whether it's old-fashioned, ethnic, or not the typical Sarah or John), comment on it and ask them about the story behind it. You could ask if they were named after someone, how their parents chose it, or if they like their name.
Ask them to settle a bet. One of the sneakiest yet highly effective ways to break the ice with someone you don’t know well is to ask them to settle a bet for you. For instance, you could say something like, "My friend says this shirt makes me look like Bill Cosby in his blue period. What do you think?" or "All my friends claim guys won’t go near girls with short hair. What’s your opinion?"
In the Workplace
Do your homework. It’s crucial to do thorough research before attending any business meeting, whether it involves one person or three hundred. Get to know the company and as many key players as you can. Did your new partner switch industries? Did the company you're meeting with just announce a reorganization? Pay attention to details like these so you can bring them up in conversation to get things started.
Ask them about how they entered the industry. A great way to initiate a conversation with anyone you encounter at work is to ask them about their journey into the field. Many people have taken unconventional paths to reach their current positions, so the conversation could turn out to be quite fascinating!
Ask about a recent award or recognition their company has received. This is the type of information you can discover if you do your research ahead of time. Just make sure the award is recent enough that it’s still a relevant topic of discussion, especially if they haven’t been with the company for long.
Pass around some Skittles. For larger groups, hand out a bowl of Skittles or any colorful small candy. Then, for each piece of candy someone takes, they must answer a personal question. Color code the questions according to the candy’s color. For instance, a blue piece might lead to the question, "Where did you grow up?" while a green piece could prompt, "What is your favorite guilty pleasure TV show?"
Get up to speed on pop culture and sports. If you’re not into pop culture or sports, it might feel like a challenge, but pop culture is generally the most universal topic. Spend a few minutes each day reading the entertainment and sports sections of the news or online, and you’ll be more equipped to converse with a wider range of people.
Treat colleagues, partners, and others you meet like adults. Workplace icebreakers often involve games, and while some might enjoy them, many will feel like they’re back in high school (since these games are common in school settings). You don’t want to make your colleagues feel patronized. Instead, aim to break the ice in a more mature way, which often means stepping up and initiating a conversation yourself!
In General Social Situations
Give them a compliment. A genuine compliment is an excellent way to start a conversation with a new acquaintance. Find something you truly admire or appreciate about them, and express it with sincerity. Don’t hold back! Compliment their work, personality, sense of style, or anything else you genuinely like.
- However, avoid complimenting anatomy!
Be playful. Sometimes acting a little goofy can help someone feel at ease and show them you're not intimidating. If you tend to be seen as serious or intimidating, try this approach. You could do something fun like ordering your drink with a quirky twist, such as saying, "Appletini. Light on the tiny," or reading their horoscope in a funny voice after asking for their sign.
Own being the new person. Simply acknowledge that you’re new or don't get out much, and ask for suggestions on fun things to do or great places to eat. People love talking about things they enjoy, and this is often the quickest way to make them feel comfortable and start a conversation.
Comment on your surroundings. Be observant and you’ll find plenty of things to mention. Whether it’s a new building going up, someone doing something kind, or an upcoming event, all of these are great ways to start a casual conversation with someone you just met.
Request a small favor. While you should use this sparingly, asking someone for a small favor can be a good icebreaker. You could ask them to hold your drink, save your spot in line, retrieve something you can’t reach, or give directions. Make sure it’s something that won’t take up more than 30 seconds of their time. After they’ve helped, thank them and then smoothly transition into casual conversation.
Ask about what they're eating or drinking. If you’re at a restaurant, coffee shop, or anywhere with food, asking about the food or drink in someone’s hands can be a great way to start talking. Mention how delicious it smells, then ask where they got it or what it is. This can naturally lead to a conversation about local food spots or the special ingredients in their dish or drink.
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Avoid asking generic questions like, "What’s your favorite color?" or "What’s your favorite animal?"
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Steer clear of talking about negative experiences or asking about theirs. These types of topics can bring up unpleasant feelings, and you don’t want to start things off on a negative note when trying to break the ice.
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Take chances and don’t fear rejection.
