How to Begin Dating After a Breakup or an Extended Hiatus

Start by making a list of the traits you're seeking in a partner. Then, broaden your horizons by stepping outside your comfort zone—meet people both in real life and through dating apps. Don’t take rejection personally, give yourself grace, and most importantly, remember to enjoy the process while you put yourself out there.

• Try casual dates, like sipping coffee at a local bookstore, enjoying a matinee, or taking a peaceful sunset stroll.
• Think of these moments as self-care opportunities. A visit to a spa or a hair salon can help refresh your confidence and self-image.
• Another way to build confidence is through positive self-talk. Write down the reasons why someone would be lucky to know you.
  • Consider the positive qualities you recognize in yourself, and the praise you've received from friends, family, and past partners. Writing them down can be incredibly validating.

• Write down your must-have qualities on your phone or a piece of paper.
• Maybe intellectual depth is essential to you, or perhaps you value empathy. Maybe you’re seeking someone more outgoing than you to help you break out of your shell.
• Also, don’t forget to note your non-negotiables. This mental exercise will give you a strong foundation for dating success!
• Relationship expert and self-proclaimed "Chief Heart Hacker" Amy Chan emphasizes the freedom of single life: "Being able to do what you want, when you want, where you want [...] is liberating and exciting. You can date different people and test out what you like and don’t like and get really conscious of the type of partner that will be a good fit."

• Research shows that 1 in 10 couples met on a dating app.
• Meeting in person has its perks, like knowing exactly what someone looks like and observing their body language. Plus, you don't have to worry about being catfished!
• Great places to meet new people in person include gyms, sports clubs, professional networking events, dog parks, and alumni gatherings.
• Life coach Collette Gee shares advice for making a great first impression: "The most important thing is to have great posture and walk into the room with confidence, with a smile and positive energy radiating from within."

• Casual date ideas include bike rides, visits to the farmer's market, or a picnic in the park.
• If you’re an indoor person, try taking a cooking class together, shopping for records, or picking out books for each other at the library.
• Although coffee dates sometimes get a bad rap for being too simple, they’re a perfect low-pressure option to get to know someone better.

• Keep a positive mindset. If someone doesn’t feel the connection, consider it a blessing! They're simply helping you eliminate mismatches, making room for someone who’s a better fit.
• Rejection is usually not a reflection of you. People on dating apps—and in real life—might pass on a match for reasons that have nothing to do with you, like being allergic to pets or encountering someone who reminds them of an ex.

Dating can feel daunting, but remember that it’s a skill that improves with practice. Whether you’re new to the scene or just re-entering, the objective isn’t to meet ‘the one’ right away—it’s to make connections. Focus on practicing your communication, being curious, and allowing yourself to have fun and reconnect with your playful side.

• To help move on from your ex, Chan offers advice: "Take a digital detox from your ex. Delete old messages, photos, unfollow their accounts, or better yet, take a break from social media entirely. Block their number if necessary."
• She explains that your brain becomes addicted to the dopamine rush associated with your previous partner. By replaying memories or checking their social media, you're trapping yourself in a cycle that prevents you from healing.
• While comparing some traits between your new partner and ex is fine, avoid dwelling too long on the past.
• Thinking about how your new date makes you feel in comparison can be helpful in deciding if they are a better fit or if you’re just falling back into old habits.

• Chan advises not to date with the expectation of meeting your soulmate. "This adds too much pressure, which both you and your date will feel, taking the fun out of the experience," she says.
• Therapist Denise Brady reminds us that dating is a journey: "People often focus too much on achieving a result—a phone number, a second date, or even marriage—and forget about themselves. Don’t lose sight of your own needs and identity."

• Experts suggest paying attention to your surroundings—whether you’re at a café, library, or even the grocery store—because you never know who you might meet.
• If someone piques your interest, the goal isn’t to immediately secure a date, but to have a friendly interaction.
• Often, a positive conversation can lead to an exchange of contact information and future plans.
• Chan adds, "Remember, there isn’t just one person out there for you. There are many. The myth of the ‘one and only soulmate’ can trap you in a mindset of scarcity."

• Other guidelines suggest waiting 3-4 months if your relationship lasted a year or more.
• If the breakup was particularly painful, taking more time for yourself is advised.
• Ultimately, experts agree that the time needed to heal varies depending on your emotional state and readiness to move forward.

• Chan states, “Studies show that the emotional pain of romantic rejection typically lessens over the span of six months to two years.”
• She encourages you to take all the time you need: “In the aftermath of a breakup, focus on self-care, self-compassion, and leaning on your community. It’s okay to take time to grieve and regain emotional balance.”
• Talking to friends, journaling, and seeking therapy can all aid in speeding up the healing process.
• Chan adds, “Writing about your feelings and physical sensations can help you gain clarity and perspective. What parts of the breakup hurt the most? What is your body trying to communicate? What lessons can you take away from this experience?”

• Still holding onto feelings for your ex can cause you to project those emotions onto a new partner, making it difficult to form a true connection.
• Not all rebound relationships are doomed, and some research shows that people who enter new relationships quickly after a breakup often experience a boost in self-esteem.
• However, rebound relationships are more likely to succeed when both people are emotionally ready, rather than entering the relationship with unresolved anger or hurt.
• Chan warns against rushing into dating after a breakup, saying, “If you’re dating to escape the pain of your breakup, you’re not ready.”