Buzz
Elegant dining etiquette is more about embracing the dining experience rather than strictly adhering to a set of human-made rules. In other words, it’s not a catastrophe if you accidentally use the wrong fork or spill a drop of wine on your clothes, as long as you and your dining companions are enjoying the meal. However, it’s understandable that you’d want to avoid mistakes or social faux pas. If you’re seeking guidance, we’re here to help!
Steps
Place the napkin on your lap.
Lay the napkin on your lap as soon as you sit down at the table. Avoid tucking it into your collar or leaving it on the table before the food is served. This small gesture is a significant indicator that you’re familiar with dining conventions. If utensils are rolled inside the napkin, place the fork on the left and the knife on the right.
- If utensils are already set, leave them as they are and simply place the napkin on your lap.
- Eating crab and lobster is an exception, but only if you’re using your hands.
- This step applies mainly to formal dinners where napkins are pre-set at each seat. If you’re at a casual gathering and see a stack of napkins in the center of the table, you don’t need to follow this step.
- This is primarily a social convention, but it also helps keep your clothes clean! When eating dishes like sushi or spring rolls that require chopsticks, you’ll appreciate having a napkin on your lap.
Familiarize yourself with table setting arrangements.
If you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath. The general rule is to “work from the outside in” when using forks, knives, and spoons on the table. For example, if the starter is soup, you’ll use the outermost spoon on the right. If there’s a small knife and fork on the outside, use them for the appetizer. Use the closest fork and knife on the left and right for the main course.
- If you’re unsure, observe what other diners are doing. You can follow their lead if you forget which utensil or plate is meant for which dish.
- Utensils placed above your plate are for dessert.
- If there’s a small plate on top of your main plate or next to your utensils, it’s for bread or appetizers.
Take your time and enjoy the meal.
This is perhaps the most important aspect of elegant dining etiquette. A meal is a shared experience, not just an opportunity to fill your stomach quickly. Take your time, engage in conversation, and relax.
- The goal here is to savor, not just to eat! Imagine the difference between someone rushing to work while hastily biting into a sandwich and someone leisurely sitting at a sidewalk café, slowly nibbling on olives. What’s the difference? It’s about enjoyment!
- It’s okay to feel a bit nervous about formal dining norms. Focus on the flavors of the food, the taste of the wine, and the aroma of a fresh meal. Savor it. If you can do this, you’ve already mastered 90% of “elegant dining etiquette.”
Pay attention when picking up each bite of food.
For dishes with multiple components, take your time to prepare each bite thoughtfully. This small act makes a significant difference in elegance and enjoyment. For dishes like salad, use your fork to combine different ingredients, ensuring each bite is balanced and flavorful. For something like roasted duck with caramelized carrots, aim to include both elements in every bite.
- This signals to others that you appreciate the meal. Chefs design dishes to balance flavors, and following this principle shows respect for their effort. It’s different from casual foods like “burgers and fries,” which are meant to be eaten separately.
- If there’s a side dish paired with the main course (like roasted potatoes with steak), alternate between the two as you eat.
- Eating this way enhances the harmony and richness of the flavors.
- If you don’t want to eat something, discreetly move it to the edge of your plate. It’s fine to skip one or two items, but outright refusing food at a dinner party is impolite.
Take small bites.
Pacing is key, so take small bites to maintain a steady rhythm. Larger bites appear less refined. Big mouthfuls require more jaw movement and look less graceful. Plus, it’s hard to convince others you’re savoring the meal if you prioritize quantity over quality.
- This is especially important for messy foods. A large spoonful is more likely to spill than smaller bites, and a huge chunk of watermelon will drip down your chin if you bite into it carelessly.
- Need advice on eating a powdered sugar donut? Tear it into small pieces on a napkin and eat them one by one. This way, you won’t end up with sugar all over your clothes.
- Small bites also help your body process food more evenly, keeping you fuller longer. In multi-course meals, savor each dish one at a time (for both etiquette and enjoyment!).
Don’t lean over your plate.
Sit up straight and bring your utensils to your mouth. Lift your fork or spoon gracefully and eat with composure. If you hunch over your plate, it can make others nervous, as if you’re about to spill something. Eat slowly and bring the food to your mouth with ease.
- If food is about to fall or drip, use your free hand to catch it. You can cover your mouth or catch spills discreetly. The smoother your movements, the better.
- If you’re using a knife and fork, don’t put the knife down to switch hands. It might take practice, but you can learn to eat comfortably with your non-dominant hand.
Chew as quietly as possible.
Keep your mouth closed while chewing and aim to chew softly. This is another reason to take small bites. No one enjoys hearing the sound of someone else chewing. Keep your lips sealed, avoid making noise while eating, don’t blow on your food to cool it, and refrain from slurping soup.
- If you’re dining at a fancy restaurant, avoid ordering foods that are hard to eat quietly. Shellfish, corn on the cob, and fried chicken wings are common culprits (though upscale restaurants might not serve these).
- This isn’t as big of a deal during casual meals with friends at home. If the host serves something messy, it’s impolite to refuse. Eat slowly, take your time, and use your napkin properly.
Eat messy foods slowly and methodically.
For messy foods, think before you eat. Sloppy joes, burritos, and corn on the cob are notoriously difficult to eat elegantly. You’ll end up covered in sauce, grease, or juices if you’re not careful. Pause briefly after each bite to prepare for the next one.
- For fried chicken wings, opt for drumettes, which are easier to handle. Hold the ends between your thumb and index finger to take small, controlled bites.
- You can use a fork, even for foods not typically eaten with one. This works well for dishes like cheesy fries or caramel apples.
- Pro tip for saucy sandwiches and hot dogs: don’t put them down. They’ll fall apart and make a mess as the filling separates from the bread.
- Soup can be a nightmare at formal dinners. Scoop it away from you, not toward you, and don’t put the entire spoon in your mouth. Use the side of the spoon instead of the tip.
Don’t reach across the table.
When dining, ask others to pass items to you instead of reaching across the table. If you need to grab something like salt, ask someone to hand it to you rather than stretching over plates, glasses, or other dishes. This applies to shared items like napkins, pepper, grated cheese, or anything else on the table.
- No tricks here—just politely say, “Could you please pass the salt?”
- Don’t feel like you’re bothering others by asking for help. This is a common and expected part of dining etiquette.
Wait for dishes to be served.
Let the server bring out the dessert—don’t wave them down to ask. Whether you’re at a fine restaurant or a dinner party, remember you’re not the host. Even if you want another bottle of wine or wish to skip the salad course, wait to be served. It’s more polite.
- At events, wait to be seated. At restaurants, let the host guide seating arrangements—don’t wander around or sit down uninvited.
- Rushing the meal can make you appear impatient, as if you’re not enjoying the experience. It also gives the impression that you’re more focused on eating than socializing.
Don’t use your phone.
Set your phone to silent before and during the meal. Pulling out your phone to reply to messages or check notifications is considered rude when dining with others. While it might not matter at a fast-food joint, in a formal setting, keeping your phone silent and out of sight is essential for maintaining elegance.
- Checking your phone can also make it seem like you’re watching the clock, implying you’re not enjoying yourself. Similarly, avoid glancing at your watch too obviously. A subtle peek is fine, but lifting your wrist to check the time is too noticeable.
Engage in conversation with others at the table.
At a large gathering, start by talking to those seated near you. A friendly and relaxed demeanor is also a mark of elegance at the dining table. If it’s a formal event and you’re not familiar with your tablemates, break the ice by initiating conversation. This shows confidence, as talking to strangers can sometimes be intimidating. Ignoring those around you is often seen as awkward.
- Try to interact with everyone at the table at least once, if possible.
- This is an age-old convention to avoid shouting across the table. Keeping your voice at a moderate level is also a sign of refinement!
- Aim to choose topics that everyone can participate in.
Order the restaurant’s signature dishes.
When dining out, trust the chef and order the restaurant’s specialties. Order steak at a steakhouse, Peking duck at a Chinese restaurant, and sushi at a sushi bar. This has two advantages. First, it shows you’re a discerning diner who knows the highlights. Second, it signals that you’re seeking the best experience. If the restaurant is known for something, demonstrate your sophistication by ordering it.
- However, if you have allergies or genuinely dislike the specialty, feel free to choose something else. Just try to pick something relatively close to the restaurant’s famous offerings. Don’t order pad Thai at a trendy Thai fusion spot, and avoid ordering a hamburger at a steakhouse.
Ask others if you have questions.
No one will judge you for asking what you need to know. If you’re unsure about something on the menu, ask the server. If you don’t know which fork to use for which dish, feel free to ask the person next to you. No one expects you to be an expert on every dining detail, and there’s no shame in speaking up!
- No one will look down on you for seeking clarification. In fact, it shows confidence! It takes courage to admit you don’t know something.
Tips
- Avoid gripping utensils with your entire fist. Hold them between your thumb and index finger, resting on your middle finger. When using a knife, press down with your index finger.
- If you’re invited to dinner, bring a gift! A bottle of fine wine is always a suitable choice.
