Buzz
At some point, you’ll encounter someone who does something that leaves you wondering, "What were they thinking? How could they act that way? I don’t get it." Chances are, these moments will happen more than once. You might feel like you just can’t grasp why people behave the way they do — their thoughts, actions, or motivations. However, understanding people can minimize conflict and strengthen your relationships. By taking time to observe their personalities, staying open-minded, and understanding yourself better, you'll find it easier to understand others.
Steps
Assessing Different Personality Types
Identify different personality traits. Gaining insight into someone’s personality will help you understand their behavior and reactions more clearly. Recognizing the type of person they are can explain why they say or do certain things.
- This also helps you know how to communicate with them effectively, benefiting both parties (or you in particular).
- There are many established personality theories, backed by years of research, that can guide you in this process.
- Pay attention to what people say and observe their body language to identify their personality type. For example, notice how a person behaves when you discuss family. If they seem uncomfortable or stiffen at the mention of the topic, it’s a clear sign that it may be sensitive. Tracking such clues over time helps you form a better understanding of their personality.
- Remember that while personality types provide a useful framework, external factors like past experiences, current situations, or even their mood can influence how a person behaves at any given moment.
Use the Big Five or OCEAN Model. This approach looks at five key traits in people: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. By evaluating whether a person exhibits these characteristics, you can get a sense of their willingness to embrace new experiences, cooperate with a team, or even stir up conflict.
- Observe how open someone is to new ideas by noting their reaction to change or fresh suggestions. Are they enthusiastic or resistant?
- Look at their habits to gauge how conscientious they are. Are they organized, detail-oriented, and goal-driven?
- Watch how they engage with others to determine their level of extroversion. Do they prefer solitude or do they interact freely with everyone around them?
- Ask questions that encourage responses to evaluate their agreeableness, such as “What do you think about the new proposal?” or “How do you feel about our team goals?”
- Observe their emotional tendencies to assess neuroticism. Do they often seem anxious, moody, or unpredictable? Do they frequently complain or get irritated easily?
Try the Four Ps Model. This system categorizes people as Playful, Peaceful, Powerful, or Precise. Much like the Big Five, the Four Ps can help you understand how to engage, influence, and react to different types of personalities.
- Just like the Big Five’s extroversion and openness, a person’s playfulness is evident in their behavior. Playful individuals tend to be spontaneous, less organized, and more creative.
- Pay attention to how a person handles conflict and problem-solving. Peaceful personalities are usually calm, diplomatic, and tend to mediate disputes.
- Powerful individuals are assertive and goal-oriented. Look for signs of confidence, determination, and focus in their body language.
- Examine their surroundings and attire to assess their level of precision. Similar to neuroticism, precise people often need strict organization and order in both their personal and professional environments.
Understand People’s Needs. Once you've identified someone's personality type, you'll be better equipped to communicate with them in ways that align with both their emotional needs and your goals.
- Playful, extroverted people crave fun and stimulation. Engage them in conversations, spend time with them, and keep them entertained to hold their interest.
- With powerful, precise, or neurotic individuals, get to the point quickly, avoiding unnecessary small talk. Be prepared to stand firm in your positions if needed.
- For those with a more disagreeable personality, expect them to challenge your ideas or create objections. Anticipate their concerns and be ready with thoughtful responses.
- Conscientious individuals want to know how your suggestions align with their values and long-term goals. Show them the broader perspective and how your ideas fit into their bigger picture.
Maintaining an Open Mind
Avoid Jumping to Conclusions. People may seem cold or unfriendly when, in reality, they might just be shy or uncomfortable. Rather than assuming someone’s intentions, consider multiple possible explanations for their behavior and give them the benefit of the doubt.
- Ask yourself, “What other reasons could explain their behavior?” You’ll likely come up with several alternatives.
- If someone appears rude, don't jump to conclusions. Instead, think, “Could they be acting this way because they’re stressed or tired? Maybe they just didn’t realize how their comment sounded?”
- If you’re still unsure, ask them directly to clarify. Inquire with, “Can you explain why you said that?” or “What made you choose to do that?” Understanding their thought process can offer you deeper insights into their personality and priorities.
Embrace Diversity. Understanding others becomes much easier when you don’t expect everyone to think or act just like you. Even those with similar personalities have distinct backgrounds and life experiences that shape their opinions and behaviors. Taking time to learn more about others helps you value their differences and avoid making generalizations.
- One way to do this is by exposing yourself to a variety of people, places, and experiences.
- Watch films or read books to explore how others live and think. Read articles that introduce different belief systems, cultures, and values.
- Step out of your comfort zone and strike up conversations with people from different walks of life. Whether it's on the elevator, the bus, or online, make an effort to interact with those outside your usual circle.
Develop Empathy. Empathy involves putting yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand their emotions and perspectives, even when you don’t share the same feelings or opinions. Some people naturally possess empathy, but it's a skill anyone can cultivate with practice.
- Boost your empathy by considering how those around you might be feeling, or by reflecting on how characters in books or movies might experience their challenges.
- Ask yourself, “If I were in her place, how would I feel? Why might she be feeling this way?” It's crucial to not just imagine yourself as the person, but also to understand their unique situation.
- For example, if your friend's cat passed away, you might think, “If it were me, I would want to be left alone.” But it's not about your feelings—it's about your friend's. Consider what you know about her: perhaps she prefers company in times of sorrow. Instead of giving her space, she might appreciate a comforting visit with cake and a hug.
Self-Understanding
Examine Your Personality. Gaining insight into your own personality can help you understand how you think and relate to others. For instance, knowing that you're more open and playful helps you realize that a colleague who may seem blunt is likely more of a powerful personality type.
- Make a list of adjectives that best describe you. What words might others use to characterize you?
- Explore which traits from the Big Five or Four Ps resonate with your personality and use them as a guide to better understand yourself.
Assess Your Biases. Sometimes, our beliefs or preconceived notions make it difficult to understand others. Identifying and challenging your biases can help you recognize when you’re making assumptions rather than observing facts, allowing for clearer understanding.
- Stereotyping involves assuming that all individuals in a group behave the same way. Prejudice is making judgments about someone before you’ve gotten to know them.
- Both stereotyping and prejudice hinder your ability to truly understand someone as an individual.
- Recognize each person as unique, with their own preferences, opinions, and behaviors.
- When you catch yourself explaining someone’s actions through the lens of stereotypes, pause and reconsider.
- For example, instead of assuming someone likes country music just because they're from the South, think, “I know country music is popular in the South, but I wonder what kind of music he actually enjoys?”
Embrace not understanding. Sometimes, no matter how much you listen or try to relate, understanding someone just isn't possible. People occasionally do things that defy logic or explanation, no matter how hard you try to make sense of them. Rather than stressing over it, simply accept that it’s okay not to understand.
- For example, you may find yourself puzzled by why your colleague clips her toenails at her desk. If you can’t come up with a reasonable explanation and she doesn’t provide one, then just accept that it's a mystery you may never fully grasp.
