Buzz
Sometimes, a guy might misread your actions, whether intentionally or not, and believe there’s a potential romantic connection. When that happens, it’s important to be considerate and let him down gently. If you’re unsure of how to approach the situation, don’t worry—we’ve compiled a helpful guide to assist you in delivering the message with kindness and tact.
This article features insights from an interview with Maria Avgitidis, a professional matchmaker and dating expert. View the full interview here.
Steps
Address it as soon as possible.
The sooner you act, the easier it will be. No matter how long you may have been unintentionally leading a guy on, once you sense that he’s starting to see something more between you, it’s time to have that conversation. Don’t procrastinate or avoid the issue, as doing so could lead him to think you’re still interested in pursuing something more.
- Ignoring the situation won’t make it disappear! It’s not fair to let him continue thinking he has a chance when he doesn’t.
- Think of it like removing a bandage—rip it off quickly for the least discomfort.
If you've known him for some time, have the conversation in person.
This shows you’re being sincere. Reach out to him by phone or text to suggest meeting up. Choose a neutral, public space where you can talk privately, like a coffee shop or park. Let him know the time and place, and meet him there.
- You might say something like, “Would you be up for meeting at the new park across town for a chat?”
- Avoid inviting him to your home or his, so you can leave easily if the conversation gets awkward or heated.
- It's also a good idea to stay away from places you both frequent, as it may create uncomfortable memories or encounters later on.
If it was just a one-time date, a brief text is sufficient.
If you don’t know him well, a simple message will do. Whether you were introduced by friends, met through a dating app, or know each other online, it’s perfectly fine if you didn’t develop feelings after the first date, even if you may have led him on initially.
- Try something like, “Hey, are you free?” or “Hi, do you have a minute?” to grab his attention.
- If you’re uncomfortable with a face-to-face conversation, texting is a perfectly acceptable way to handle it.
- Reader Poll: We asked 877 Mytour readers how they'd prefer to end a casual or short-term relationship, and 64% felt that ending things via text or phone was just fine. [Take Poll]
Let him know you appreciated the time spent together.
Begin with a kind remark to set a positive tone. If you've spent some time getting to know him, express how much you’ve enjoyed hanging out. If you’ve gone on a date or two, share that you had a pleasant time together.
- You might say something like, “It’s been great getting to know you better” or “I’ve really enjoyed our time together these past few weeks.”
- Alternatively, you could say, “I had a wonderful evening with you at the restaurant. You were right, the food was amazing.”
Apologize for misleading him.
Be sincere and avoid making excuses. Steer clear of using phrases like “but” or “if” in your apology. Acknowledge that you gave him the wrong impression and make it clear that he’s not at fault for his feelings. Keep your apology brief and take full responsibility for leading him on.
- You could say, “I’m sorry for giving you the wrong impression and leading you on” or “This is on me. I led you on, and I truly apologize.”
Be compassionate yet truthful.
Let him know you’re not looking for a relationship. Don’t sugarcoat it—be direct and clear that you don’t see a future together. Keep it concise so there’s no room for misinterpretation, and ensure he understands your message.
- For example, you could say, “I just don’t feel that way about you” or “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
Use “I” statements to keep the focus on your feelings, not his actions.
Express your own feelings and perspective. Center the conversation around your emotions and how you see things. Avoid mentioning how he might have misunderstood or explaining why he’s not the right fit. This will help soften the impact.
- For example, say, “I don’t think this relationship is right for me” instead of, “You’re a great guy, but you’re not my type.”
Explain that you don’t feel a long-term connection.
Keep the conversation focused on the relationship, not on him personally. Share that it’s not about him, but rather that the relationship isn’t the right fit for you. This way, you can avoid making it a personal rejection.
- For instance, say, “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” or “I don’t feel this is the kind of long-term relationship I’m seeking.”
Thank him for his kindness and understanding.
Appreciate his respect for your boundaries. Acknowledge how considerate he was when you spent time together or communicated. Express gratitude for his understanding and respect for your need for space.
- You might say, “Thank you for being so understanding. Who says chivalry is dead?”
- Another option is, “It’s such a relief that we’re on the same page. Thanks for being so patient and understanding.”
Wish him the best of luck.
Encourage him by reminding him there’s someone out there for him. End the conversation on a hopeful note. Let him know that just because things didn’t work out between you, it doesn’t mean he won’t find someone who’s a better fit. Offer him a little hope as you part ways.
- For example, you could say, “I’m sure there’s someone out there who would be a perfect match for you” or “Just because I don’t have romantic feelings for you doesn’t mean there isn’t someone who does.”
Stop interacting with him.
It’s nearly impossible to stay friends after this. If you can manage a clean break and avoid contact, it will be better for both of you. This allows him to move on without lingering feelings, and it also saves you from any awkward encounters in the future.
- If you share many mutual friends, try to limit your interactions with him as much as possible.
- Over time, the awkwardness may fade, and you’ll be able to be around each other without any discomfort.
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If you sense that he’s beginning to develop feelings for you, but you don’t share the same emotions, it’s important to ease back from any actions that could be interpreted as flirting or anything else that may give him false hope or a misleading impression.
