Buzz
If you’ve been on a few dates with someone and don’t feel a connection, it can still be tough to end things. Since you’re not officially a couple, the approach to breaking up is different compared to ending a long-term relationship. We’ve put together a list of helpful tips to ensure you can part ways amicably with someone you’re not officially dating.
Steps
Talk to them as soon as possible.
Avoid waiting or dragging things out too long. Once you realize you no longer have feelings for the person, arrange to meet them. They’ll appreciate your honesty, allowing both of you to move on and explore other opportunities.
- It’s unfair to both parties to keep seeing each other when you know the relationship isn’t going anywhere.
- Sometimes, the only reason to stop seeing someone is that you don’t feel a connection—it’s as simple as that.
Meet in person.
This is the kindest way to end things smoothly with someone. While texting might seem easier, meeting face-to-face is the best approach. It allows the other person to have a proper farewell and gives you the chance to explain your reasons more clearly.
- If you’ve only been on one date, a text might suffice. However, if you’ve gone out a few times, meeting in person is the polite thing to do.
Choose a casual meeting spot.
Suggest meeting at a coffee shop or grabbing a drink. Opt for a short activity that allows you to leave quickly, and avoid meeting at each other’s homes. Invite them to meet you a few days later.
- Avoid dinner dates, as they can make the conversation more awkward.
- Pick a semi-public place so both of you can leave easily if needed.
Be honest, but kind.
Clearly explain that you don’t see the relationship progressing. You don’t need to be harsh, but avoid leaving any room for ambiguity. Share the real reason why you don’t want to continue seeing them, unless the reason could be hurtful.
- For example, you could say: “You’re a great person, but I don’t think we’re a good match in the long run. I wish you the best in finding someone more compatible.”
- Or: “I’m not ready to commit to a relationship right now, and it wouldn’t be fair to you. I’m swamped with work and can’t give you the time you deserve, so I think it’s best to end things.”
Focus on yourself.
Ensure the other person doesn’t feel at fault. Instead of pointing the issue at them, like “You take up too much of my time,” reframe it as “I’m overwhelmed with work and can’t give you the attention you deserve.” This way, you take responsibility for the situation, not them.
- You can also highlight the positive aspects of your time together. Let them know you enjoyed the moments you shared before explaining why things can’t continue.
Address any questions they might have.
Listen to what they have to say. Pay attention to their questions and respond as kindly as possible. If this comes as a surprise to them, they’ll likely have many questions about your reasoning and why you’ve made this decision.
- They might say, “I don’t understand, I thought we were doing fine.” You can respond with, “We were, but I don’t see this working out long-term.”
Don’t suggest staying friends.
It’s a hollow gesture that rarely holds meaning. While it might sound kind (and saying it feels kind), promising to be friends in the future often does more harm than good. Make a clean break to avoid leaving room for uncertainty.
- If they ask if you can still be friends, you can say: “Maybe in the future, but right now, I need to focus on myself.”
Leave early if possible.
There’s no reason to prolong the conversation. If you’ve said everything you need to, it’s time to say goodbye. This gives the other person space to process their emotions without you being there.
- You can schedule a meetup with another friend. This gives you someone to talk to about what just happened and provides a reason to leave when the time comes.
- This is especially important if you’re meeting at a bar (or somewhere alcohol is involved). They might hope for one last intimate moment before parting ways, which isn’t a good idea.
Cut off contact.
Staying in touch can send mixed signals. Avoid texting, calling, or interacting on social media after the breakup. Even if you want to check in or remain friends, it’s kinder to give them space.
- If they reach out to you, it’s best not to respond.
Advice
- Whatever you do, don’t ghost them. Ignoring them will only cause more hurt, even if it’s the easiest option for you.
