Buzz
It’s almost universally agreed that ending a relationship is never easy. The challenge becomes even greater when the other person lacks friends or family to rely on. If you’re contemplating breaking up with someone who has nowhere to go, consider taking certain steps to make the process a little smoother.
Here are 11 tips to help you part ways with someone who doesn’t know where to turn (without feeling guilty).
Steps
Address the Situation as Soon as Possible
Don’t delay just because it’s hard to say it. It won’t do any good to keep postponing and hoping the other person will figure it out. Once you’ve made the decision to break up, sit down with them and have an honest conversation.
- This decision might leave you feeling guilty, but if both of you aren’t happy together, parting ways will be better for everyone involved.
Have a Face-to-Face Conversation
This is the polite thing to do. Avoid breaking the news over the phone or through text messages, and try to find a private place where both of you can sit down and talk. Emotions will likely run high, and heavy topics like this shouldn’t be discussed in the presence of others.
- Having the conversation at home might be the best option.
Explain Why You’re Breaking Up
Provide a reasonable explanation. There are countless valid reasons for ending a relationship, including the fact that you no longer love the person. Try to explain calmly and clearly, and be prepared to answer any questions they might have.
- For example, you could say, “I’m no longer happy in this relationship. I don’t want to give you false hope when I can’t commit, as that wouldn’t be fair to you.”
Be Kind When Delivering the News
Breaking up is always challenging. During the conversation, try to avoid getting angry or yelling at the other person. You can offer comfort if they’re upset, but maintain some distance to avoid softening your resolve. Express gratitude for the time you’ve spent together and emphasize that things between you are over and cannot be revisited.
- If the other person truly has nowhere to go, they might use that to guilt you. Remember, they are also an adult and don’t need to rely on you to move forward.
- They might ask if there’s a way to stay together. If you’ve made up your mind, let them know you’ve thought it through carefully.
Set a Deadline for Them to Move Out
You can give them more or less time depending on the situation. Generally, offering 2 weeks to a month is reasonable. Let them know you’re not forcing them to leave immediately, so they have time to find another place.
- Anything longer than a month might be too much. If possible, try to limit it to 4 weeks or less.
- Consider the amount of belongings they need to pack when setting the deadline.
Suggest a Few Options for Them
If you have ideas to help them move out, share them. They don’t have to take your advice, but it might give them a starting point. Options could include affordable apartments, a relative in another city, or even a homeless shelter.
- You could also suggest they stay with friends temporarily until they find a stable place.
Set Boundaries for Yourself
Only help your ex to the extent that you feel comfortable. Remember, you don’t owe them anything, even if they try to make you feel guilty. You can assist them in finding new housing or a job if you want, but you’re not obligated to do so.
- If your ex insists on something you’re unwilling to do, say, “I’ve helped you as much as I can, but the rest is up to you.”
Discuss Finances and Housing
You might need to talk about finances or bills a few more times. If you need to discuss such matters with your ex, try not to let emotions take over. Handle it as a business matter, and don’t let them bring emotions into it either.
- If you’ve lived together for a long time, you may need to remove their name from the lease, transfer utility accounts to your name, or separate joint bank accounts.
Divide Assets
Discuss with your ex what they’ll take when they move out. If they don’t have a backup place to stay, they might not be able to take bulky items like furniture. If they manage to find a new place, agree on which items they’ll take and which you’ll keep.
- Don’t forget to address pets if you have any. You can decide who keeps the pet or arrange a shared custody plan.
- Try to avoid arguing over small items. This will only prolong their stay in your home.
Live as Roommates Temporarily
It might be inconvenient, but this situation won’t last forever. While your ex packs their belongings and searches for a new place, you can still live together. Divide sleeping arrangements (one can sleep on the sofa or in a spare room) and household chores as roommates rather than as a couple.
- You can also agree on specific days when they can invite friends over or when you’ll be out of the house.
Insist They Move Out by the Deadline
Don’t let your ex pressure you into giving them more time. As the deadline approaches, remind them they need to move out by that date. Remember, they’re an adult, and if they haven’t found a place by then, it’s not your responsibility.
- On the day they move out, it might be best to stay out of the house. Give them space to pack and leave without awkwardness.
Advice
- If you’re unhappy in your current relationship, ending it is the best choice for both of you. Things may seem tough now, but you’ll feel relieved in the future.
