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An egotistical individual is often someone who talks about themselves at length or exudes an air of vanity and pride. It can also describe someone who is highly opinionated, self-absorbed, or inconsiderate of others' feelings. As you might expect, being in a relationship with an egotistical person can be difficult. If you're finding yourself with a partner who displays these traits, it’s important to address the egotism directly and communicate your own needs while making sure you nurture your own well-being.
Steps
Addressing Egotism Within the Relationship
Initiate an Honest Conversation. This step is crucial for the well-being of both you and your partner, and for the overall health of your relationship. Avoid taking subtle or manipulative approaches to change your partner’s behavior—it can backfire and create unnecessary tension. Instead, have an open, sincere conversation.
- Start by expressing your need to talk: “Alice, I think we really need to discuss something that has been on my mind.”
- Clearly state what’s bothering you in the context of your relationship. For example, if your partner dominates the conversation, you could say: “When we talk, it feels like I’m always listening to your stories but not getting a chance to share mine. I’d really appreciate it if we could make the conversation more balanced.”
- Invite your partner to share their thoughts: “What do you think?”
Encourage growth and maturity in the relationship. One of the beautiful aspects of being in a relationship is the ability to support one another’s growth. Grow alongside your partner, and instead of focusing only on them, shift your attention to developing your relationship together. Work on shared goals to enhance your bond.
- For instance, you could both take a relationship selfishness checklist to better understand how to reduce selfish tendencies.
- As social beings, we naturally adopt the goals of those closest to us. Much like couples who learn new hobbies or skills together—whether it’s a sport, a language, or cooking—you can grow together in becoming less self-centered.
- Celebrate each other's progress and offer praise for the positive changes you both make. The more rewarding the process feels, the more motivated you’ll both be to keep working towards your shared goal.
Practice patience. This is arguably the hardest step. If you're with an egotistical partner, you might find that transforming certain behaviors takes time. Much like breaking a bad habit, changing ingrained patterns requires patience. Expect a few setbacks, but try to remain understanding and gentle with your partner during this phase.
- One way to handle this is to create a light-hearted signal or phrase that you both agree on. It could make it easier to point out moments when your partner slips back into selfish behavior without creating tension.
- For example, you could use the 'Cut it out' hand gesture from Uncle Joey in *Full House*.
- Or play a humorous song like Toby Keith's *I Wanna Talk About Me*.
- You could also jokingly say, 'Hold on, I haven’t had enough coffee for this conversation yet.'
- The key is to choose something that feels playful and personal, like an inside joke between the two of you.
Help raise their self-esteem. This suggestion may seem counterintuitive for someone with an inflated ego, but often, egotism stems from deep-seated insecurity or shame. It can be a form of overcompensation. Your partner’s excessive self-promotion might actually be their attempt to convince themselves, as much as anyone else, of their worth. Offer support to help boost their confidence.
- Avoid criticizing them harshly as it could make them feel even more vulnerable and defensive.
- When conversing with them, try to focus on their strengths and how you can encourage those traits.
- Compliment them not just on their appearance, but on their actions and achievements as well.
Accept that they might never change. One of the hardest realizations in any relationship is that you can’t change someone else. While it’s true that people can evolve, that change has to come from within them—they must genuinely want to change. So if you choose to stay with an egotistical partner, you need to be honest with yourself about the chances of significant change and learn to accept the parts of their personality that you may not agree with.
- Although you can’t change them, you can guide them toward change. You can also control your responses to their behavior and decide how much influence their egotism will have on your life.
Expressing Your Needs
Ensure there’s space for you to speak. Your egotistical partner may dominate conversations, often focusing solely on themselves. If you feel like you're not getting the time to discuss your thoughts, it's important to bring it up. A healthy relationship should allow both partners to listen to each other. You deserve the same consideration that your partner expects from you. Address the issue directly, or introduce it as a new dynamic in your communication.
- "John, there's something I need to talk to you about. I know you have things you want to say too, but right now, I really need someone to listen. Can we focus on this issue together?"
- Start integrating topics you’re passionate about into your discussions. If you’ve fallen into the habit of simply listening, begin introducing subjects that interest you or thoughts you want to share.
Open up about your emotions. At some point, your egotistical partner may say or do something that makes you feel upset or frustrated, and that’s okay—it’s part of the challenge. Clear and honest communication is vital in any relationship. If something your partner has done or said bothers you, express it calmly. Start with a positive note, then share how you feel in a respectful manner.
- "Jane, I love when you teach me to cook. You're so good at it, and I really want to learn more. It just hurts me when you treat me like I'm not capable."
- “I know you have strong views on this, and you might be right. But I’d appreciate it if you could respect my perspective, even if it differs from yours, and not dismiss it with laughter.”
Taking Care of Yourself
Stay true to yourself. Don’t compromise who you are for the sake of the relationship. A selfish partner may encourage you to become more of a caregiver, which can be draining and harmful in the long run. It’s important not to stifle your own personality or suppress your talents just because you’re worried about how your partner might react.
- Just as you have to accept your partner’s selfishness, they must also accept you for who you are. That acceptance should be one of the reasons they love you even more.
Cultivate your own interests. If you find yourself constantly giving and feeling that your partner is always taking, it’s essential to protect your well-being by nurturing your personal interests. Make sure you're dedicating time to things that bring you joy and fulfillment.
- Sign up for classes or set aside time for activities that you enjoy. Focus on self-care and your own needs.
- You can also channel your giving energy into volunteering. Websites like Volunteer Match offer a range of opportunities.
Recognize your own emotions. Even when your partner is actively trying to change, being in a relationship with an egotist can present its challenges. You might be supporting her transformation, practicing patience, and working to boost her self-esteem. However, it’s essential to stay mindful of your own feelings throughout this process. There will be ups and downs, and it's important to keep track of how it affects you.
- Monitor how content you are within the relationship and the impact it has on your daily life.
- Notice if you’re feeling drained or overwhelmed and ensure you give yourself time to recharge.
- Avoid allowing the relationship to take over your entire life. Make time for friends or pursue hobbies that are meaningful to you.
- Set clear boundaries when she tries to provoke you or engage in arguments. For instance, you might say, "I won’t engage in this conversation while you’re yelling. I’ll step away and we can talk again after we’ve calmed down."
Build a support system. As you both work through this transformation, having a solid support network is crucial. Whether you lean on your current support system or establish a new one, find people who help lift you up and make you feel valued. These individuals should be trustworthy and make you feel comfortable. Your support system might include:
- Friends
- Family
- Religious community
- Counselors or therapists
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Reader Poll: We asked 548 Mytour readers about what activity, pursuit, or goal they were most motivated to focus on. Only 7% mentioned Prioritizing social connections with friends and family. [Take Poll]
- If you’ve let friendships or family relationships drift, reconnecting with them can remind you of what a healthy relationship looks like—one where your needs are considered and valued.
Think about leaving if you’re unhappy. Staying with an egotistical partner isn’t always the best choice for your well-being. If he’s unwilling or unable to meet your emotional needs and work on the relationship, you may continue to feel drained and unappreciated. In such cases, it might be healthier for you to walk away from the relationship and move toward something that offers more emotional fulfillment and balance.
