How to Build Character through Integrity

The amazing thing about character and integrity – which are two concepts closely linked to each other – is that they are among the few things in life that no one can take away from you. The choice is yours. Even if someone could take your life, they still couldn’t force you to do what you believe is wrong. The following actions cannot be done all at once, and should not be attempted simultaneously. Each of these actions requires time for you to fully understand and apply them to your life. Explore virtues and values, and how they align with the life and the world around you.

Understand what character and integrity are. Definitions of character and integrity are often expressed broadly or misunderstood. Their true meaning is as follows:

• In this article, character refers to the collection of qualities demonstrated by an individual or group, the strength of moral values, and traits that describe a person’s attributes, characteristics, and capabilities. Character reveals who you are. It defines you and directs you toward specific actions, hopefully in a positive way.
• Integrity is the unwavering adherence to a strict moral principle or virtue, remaining flawless, complete, and undivided.
• Integrity can simply be summarized as doing what’s right and reasonable, even when no one is watching.

Understand different ethical rules. Some people adopt the ethical principles of a particular religion as their moral guide, while others base their ethics on philosophy or develop their own principles from personal experiences.

• Two primary ethical theories are utilitarianism (or consequentialism) and deontology. Utilitarianism focuses on maximizing the greatest good for the greatest number.
• For instance, a utilitarian might justify damaging property if it benefits saving an experiment on chimpanzees, which conflicts with moral norms.
• On the other hand, deontologists believe that certain actions are inherently wrong, regardless of their outcomes. A deontologist would see property damage as wrong, no matter the reason behind it.
• You don't have to follow principles set by others. Since you have your own sense of right and wrong, you can adjust your sense of morality to suit any situation.

Reflect on your past choices. Take a moment to review your previous decisions and evaluate how well you adhered to or deviated from your principles.

• However, don't waste time feeling regretful or guilty. Learn from your mistakes, acknowledge them, and strive to make better choices in the future.

Respect others. You don’t have to start from scratch when deciding to live with integrity. Pay attention to those who have gone before you, both in their personal lives and those historic figures known for their virtuous character. You may notice that respecting others can inspire you to maintain your integrity.

• If you view someone as a moral role model, consider arranging a meeting with them to discuss how they manage their lives. Ask them about how they stay positive, how they handle setbacks, and how they balance important truths with personal compromises.
• Don’t compete with others. Remember that you are unique, and your life is your own. You shouldn’t try to compete with anyone else’s qualities or character. Instead, learn from others' personalities and apply what resonates most with you.

Be determined yet patient with yourself and others. You’ve embarked on a lifelong journey, and it’s full of challenges. Build your reputation by acting with integrity, acknowledge when you fail to be consistent, but don’t give up on your goals or purpose just because of a misstep or failure. Just as you forgive others over time, don’t forget to forgive yourself too.

Define your ethical code. Choose a system of ethics, moral values, or principles that you believe will lead to a happier, fulfilling, fairer life, and a better world.

• Be open to updating your principles as you gain more life experience. Your sense of right and wrong and your ethical reasoning can evolve. Most people shift their perspectives on right and wrong as they progress through life.
• Your ethical principles will be based on your personal standards.

Identify your core values. To determine the general ethical principles you wish to apply in your life, it's time to reflect on the values that matter most to you. You can find support in discovering these values by asking yourself a few key questions:

• Think of two people you deeply admire. What do you admire about them? Is it because she is always honest, even when the truth makes her look bad? Or is it because he is generous with his time? What have they done that inspires you?
• If you could change one thing in your local community (or your country), what would you change? Why is this issue significant enough to be your focus? For example, would you create more fairness in some parts of the community? Would you want people to have more respect for their country?
• Think of a time or moment in your life when you felt truly content and fulfilled. What happened during that time? Why do you think you felt that way?
• Which global issues excite or disturb you the most? Why do you think they affect you that way? Is it the excitement of space exploration? If so, you may value improving humanity through science. Does reading about hunger upset you? If so, you may place high value on caring for others and sharing empathy.

Observe your reaction patterns. Once you have answered these questions, look for any recurring patterns or ethical principles that emerge. For example, you may admire someone who never speaks ill of others. As a result, you might feel satisfaction when given the chance to gossip but hold back from doing so. Or perhaps you respect someone passionate about religious activities. This might indicate that you value similar principles and help you determine the ethical standards you want to apply in your life.

Decide to make a change. Observe the ideal behaviors you wish to adopt, based on the values you've identified, and compare them to your recent actions. Take steps to modify your behavior in ways that align with your beliefs about integrity.

• You can practice by actively seeking out opportunities to demonstrate integrity and prioritize making these changes in your life. Also, remain aware of opportunities to act in line with your values as they arise.
• For example, if you want to become more generous, don’t just wait for the perfect moment to be generous. The things you desire in life may pass you by if you don’t make a conscious effort to reach for them. Right now, you could research a deserving charity and donate your time or money. Or you could step outside and offer money to a homeless person for a warm meal, or even pay for the movie ticket of the person behind you in line.

Believe in yourself and the possibility of change. Tell yourself that you are capable of making the decisions you want to follow through on. There will be challenges, and you may stumble, but you will also have the ability to control your behavior if you trust yourself and believe you can change and improve.

• To build this self-belief, think about past successes. This provides concrete evidence that you’ve succeeded in becoming the person you wanted to be.
• At the same time, think about the ways in which you want to improve, and use this information to remind yourself that you can continue to change in the future.

Build self-esteem. Integrity and self-confidence go hand in hand. Failing to maintain integrity can undermine your self-confidence. On the other hand, self-confidence helps you believe that you can overcome challenges and live with integrity by taking on difficult tasks.

• There are many ways to improve your self-esteem. Start by setting realistic expectations for yourself and occasionally allowing room for failure. Setting goals that are too high can lead to disappointment when you fail to meet them, making you feel like a 'failure,' even though most people could not achieve those goals. You can also enhance your self-esteem by being open to changing how you view yourself. Adjust your self-belief as you grow.
• For example, perhaps you were once deeply involved in sports, and seeing yourself as an athlete played a significant role in your self-esteem. However, as time passes and life responsibilities shift, you may no longer have the same time for sports. Reflect on how you define yourself in the present.
• Instead of considering yourself a 'washed-up' or 'useless' athlete, think of yourself in a more positive light based on what you're currently passionate about. Perhaps you're a great father, sibling, or a dedicated employee. Integrating this information into your self-assessment can improve your self-esteem and make it easier to live with integrity.

Be mindful of your decisions. Whether the decision is large or small, or how it brings you closer to the person you want to be, be fully aware of your choices and understand their impact.

• This includes being aware of the consequences your decisions have on yourself and others. For example, even a seemingly small decision can affect someone's integrity. Imagine you're at dinner with friends and want the last slice of pizza, but you notice a friend also wants it. You also know he hasn't eaten lunch that day. Consider the consequences of taking the last slice for both you and your friend.
• Your friend will be hungry if he doesn't get that last slice. If you know he needs it more than you but still decide to take it, it will affect your character. Even small actions that compromise your integrity can change how you perceive yourself and how others see you.

Put yourself in a supportive environment. It's easier to live with integrity when you take steps to avoid spending time in environments that are harmful to you.

• For instance, if you have friends who use substances and this goes against your principles of integrity, consider distancing yourself by finding new friends. You will be less likely to engage in substance use and violate your principles if you're not surrounded by such influences.

Resist peer pressure. Living with integrity means sticking to your ethical principles regardless of what others think. Don’t give in when others try to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.

• If someone tries to pressure you, remind yourself that you are the only one who will have to live with the consequences of your actions moving forward.

Be courteous. Don’t be rude when interacting with others. Follow social norms like not burping at the dinner table or playing loud music at night when others are trying to sleep. Avoid gossiping behind people’s backs.

Empathy is about considering other people's perspectives. It can be challenging, but it will guide your actions to align with societal norms, supporting what you believe integrity should look like. To truly empathize with someone, think about their situation. Ask yourself if you've ever faced a similar circumstance. If you have, reflect on how you felt. Consider their specific situation and how it differs from yours. The situation may provoke different emotions in them than in you. If you haven’t experienced their challenges, imagine how you might feel if you were in their shoes. For instance, if a homeless person asks you for 20,000 VND to buy food, consider how you’d feel if you were hungry, cold, and without shelter.

You might feel more confident and empowered as you face challenges and stay true to your values, no matter what they are. Instead of focusing on what the world can give you, think about what you can contribute to the world. Look into the life and work of Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, who endured life in concentration camps during World War II. A powerful excerpt of his life and ideas is captured in the following quote:

"Those of us who lived in the concentration camps can remember those who walked through the huts, offering comfort to others and giving away their last piece of bread. They were few in number, but they offered us a clear example: even when everything is taken from a person, one thing remains: the last of the human freedoms—the ability to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances. One can choose one's own way."

Keep a daily journal of your progress—by doing so, you’ll be able to look back on your achievements during tough days when you're struggling to uphold your integrity.

Be cautious of those who try to convince you to abandon your principles or integrity. They might tell you that no one is perfect, or they might mock you for being unrealistic. Remember that the fact no one is perfect does not mean you should compromise on what you know is right. It's fine to learn from mistakes, but we don’t have to keep making errors to learn lessons. Keep in mind that striving for perfection and achieving perfection are two distinct things. The former is integrity, while the latter is vanity. Your character is unique, so don’t try to mimic anyone else. Build your character based on your strengths and abilities. Practices like self-reflection and introspection will help you realize just how unique you truly are.