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Feeling nervous about approaching a girl? You’re not the only one! In this article, we’ll show you how to overcome those anxious feelings and confidently start a conversation with any girl you like. Ready to take control of your nerves? Let’s dive right in!
Steps
Building Confidence Within Yourself
Understand that you're not the only one who feels this way. Almost everyone has struggled with this at some point in their lives. You might see others who seem confident and wonder if they’ve ever felt nervous like you, but the truth is, they’ve probably been where you are too. Realizing this helps you understand that feeling scared isn’t something to be embarrassed about. You’re not alone in this experience!
Recognize that she's not perfect. Just because a girl is attractive doesn’t mean she’s without her flaws! She has insecurities and imperfections just like anyone else. So instead of placing her on an unrealistic pedestal, treat her as an equal.
- Keep in mind, she may feel insecure about talking to guys too! Even beautiful girls can struggle with confidence.
Focus on positive self-talk. If you're not feeling great about yourself yet, it’s time to adopt a more positive mindset. Research shows that maintaining a positive attitude towards yourself is one of the most effective ways to increase self-confidence. When you approach situations and conversations with optimism, you’re more likely to see success.
Begin living for yourself. Rather than focusing on girls, shift your attention to other passions in your life. Always wanted to join a sports team? Go for it! Dream of traveling to a particular place? Start saving for the trip. Take the steps towards fulfilling your own goals, and girls will be more attracted to your independence and ambition. No one likes someone who doesn’t have their own life and interests—it can come off as needy or desperate.
- If you have a particular skill, invest more time in practicing it. If you have a dream, take action towards it.
- Setting goals can boost your self-esteem and help you stay motivated.
- If you’re unsure what your talents are, ask friends or family for feedback!
Begin exercising. If working out hasn’t been part of your routine, now’s the time to start. Exercise is scientifically proven to improve your confidence and increase testosterone levels. You can try different types of physical activities such as:
- Strength training
- Interval training
- Cardio/aerobic exercises
Becoming More Social
Practice speaking with yourself in front of the mirror. This doesn’t mean just chatting to yourself aimlessly for an hour, but rather making it a habit to speak aloud and maintain eye contact from time to time. Act out casual conversations, focusing on speaking with a strong, confident voice and keeping eye contact.
- Remember, speaking to yourself is just practice and won’t be the same as conversing with real people, but it’s a good way to warm up.
Start conversations with people. Talk to everyone and anyone! Master the art of communication by engaging with people in your daily life. For instance, when you’re at the store, chat with the cashier. When dining out, ask your server about their favorite dish. Begin practicing small talk with the people you encounter every day.
- If you want more tips on how to hold a conversation, check out How to Talk to Someone Who Doesn't Carry the Conversation.
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Reader Poll: We asked 1511 Mytour readers, and only 3% believed that talking about your own achievements was a great way to appear more confident. [Take Poll] In fact, it might even have the opposite effect—try focusing on listening instead!
EXPERT INSIGHT
John Keegan
Dating Specialist
Dating Specialist
Give yourself time—confidence isn't built overnight! The more you engage with others, the easier it will become. Start small by practicing simple gestures like waving or smiling. With time, your comfort level will grow.
Begin approaching girls who aren’t your main focus. As you become more comfortable socializing with people, it’s time to start practicing approaching girls. Start with girls you’re not particularly interested in. You can also begin practicing flirting, though it’s not mandatory, but it can increase your chances of success.
- Check out How to Flirt for more flirting tips.
Talking to Attractive Girls
Approach attractive girls. Keep in mind that attractive girls are just like anyone else. Everyone has their own unique personality, and some people might not be friendly. If you approach them politely and they’re rude, it’s not a reflection on you—it’s a reflection on them.
Master the art of reading body language. Understanding body language is crucial because it can tell you a lot about the person. It also helps you gauge whether someone is open to being approached.
- For example, if someone has their arms and legs crossed with a stern expression, it’s a sign they might not want to be approached. However, if their posture is open with their arms by their sides, it likely means they’re open to a conversation, making it the perfect time to approach!
Believe in a positive outcome. The key to a successful interaction is having faith that it will go well. If you expect the worst, that’s likely what you’ll get. However, approaching a situation with an optimistic mindset can often turn the tables in your favor.
- This is all about your subconscious mind. You can actually condition your subconscious into thinking you’ve already had multiple successful interactions by maintaining a positive outlook. The subconscious is incredibly powerful—if you learn to control it, you can use it to your advantage, especially when it comes to interacting with girls.
- For more tips on conversing with girls, check out How to Talk to a Girl.
Join the Conversation...
I’ve been noticing a stunning girl at the café where I study, and I really want to talk to her. But I feel so awkward every time I try. What should I do to get her to notice me?
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Dating Coach
Great question! The first thing to do is go back to the basics—your own mindset and attitude. To approach her in the right way, you must first love and accept yourself. Embrace being who you are and become open and curious about meeting new people.
This is crucial because if you're feeling insecure, she’ll sense that. It’s all about being comfortable with yourself, even if you're feeling awkward or imperfect.
Once you’re there, just be open and friendly. Make eye contact, smile, and strike up a conversation. For example, I was at a café once, sitting outside on a beautiful sunny day. A woman sitting next to me looked over and smiled. I waved and asked, “How’s your day going?” That simple interaction led to a nice, easy conversation.
It all worked because we were both open and willing to talk. I wasn’t expecting anything from her, and she could sense that, which made her feel comfortable around me.
Whether you’re sitting down or walking down the street, try making confident eye contact with someone who catches your interest. Smile and wave. If they’re in the same space and mindset, they’ll usually return the gesture. If not, they may just not be interested or their energy might not match yours at that moment. Don’t force it—just stay open and create chances for connections.
This is crucial because if you're feeling insecure, she’ll sense that. It’s all about being comfortable with yourself, even if you're feeling awkward or imperfect.
Once you’re there, just be open and friendly. Make eye contact, smile, and strike up a conversation. For example, I was at a café once, sitting outside on a beautiful sunny day. A woman sitting next to me looked over and smiled. I waved and asked, “How’s your day going?” That simple interaction led to a nice, easy conversation.
It all worked because we were both open and willing to talk. I wasn’t expecting anything from her, and she could sense that, which made her feel comfortable around me.
Whether you’re sitting down or walking down the street, try making confident eye contact with someone who catches your interest. Smile and wave. If they’re in the same space and mindset, they’ll usually return the gesture. If not, they may just not be interested or their energy might not match yours at that moment. Don’t force it—just stay open and create chances for connections.
Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
If you're looking to strike up a conversation with someone you're interested in, a great way to start is by asking a mutual acquaintance to introduce you. However, if that’s not an option, another effective way to initiate a chat is by commenting on something in your environment. A simple remark about the place you're in—whether it's a café or any other spot—can be the perfect icebreaker.
The goal here is to spark a conversation and gauge the other person’s interest. Keep it casual and start with something like an observation about your surroundings.
The goal here is to spark a conversation and gauge the other person’s interest. Keep it casual and start with something like an observation about your surroundings.
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Read Discussion-
Maintain a positive outlook because positivity is infectious, and it could elevate the experience for both you and the person you're interacting with.
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Be someone who brings fun into the conversation, as this is a quality that many girls find attractive.
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Show confidence and independence. Even if you’re still working on these qualities, act as though you possess them. Confidence and independence are traits that attract girls.
Things to Be Cautious About
- Don’t abandon the things you’re passionate about in order to impress girls.
- Avoid coming off as creepy when approaching girls, as that will most certainly make them uncomfortable and walk away.
Suggested Reads
- How to Add Variety to Your Workout
- Master the Art of Flirting
- Effective Tips for Talking to Girls
- Decoding Body Language for Flirting
- How to Confidently Approach a Girl in Public
