How to Build Meaningful Friendships as an Adult

Join a group or club that aligns with your interests. If you're aiming to meet new people, you'll need to immerse yourself in spaces where others gather. Small group settings tend to foster better connections than large, impersonal gatherings, so participating in an interest-based group can help create the foundation for new friendships.

• Engage in activities you're passionate about. Whether it's a writing circle, book club, bowling league (or other adult recreational leagues), gym, photography club, or cooking class, participating in enjoyable activities can bring you closer to people who share your passions.
• Consider getting involved with your child's school by joining the PTA or volunteering as a chaperone for field trips. This is a great way to meet other parents.
• If you're religious, attending services at your place of worship can also open doors to new friendships. Participate in any study groups, volunteer opportunities, or social events your place of worship offers.

Leverage local social networks. Wherever you live, you're likely not alone in wanting to expand your social circle. Seek out local groups and events created specifically to connect strangers. Choose activities that align with your interests, as you'll instantly have something in common with fellow participants.

• This approach works particularly well for outgoing individuals who enjoy larger group settings.
• Organizations like these often organize a variety of events, such as happy hours or weekend trips.
• If you're unsure where to start, look online on platforms like Groupon, LivingSocial, or Meetup.com for events and social gatherings.

Volunteer your time. Reflect on causes that deeply resonate with you and find opportunities to volunteer for those causes. You could form friendships with those you're helping or fellow volunteers. If you're introverted, volunteering can also help you practice socializing and meeting new people.

Request a friend introduction. Reach out to coworkers, family members, or existing friends and ask if they know anyone with whom you might click. Make sure to clarify that you're seeking a platonic friendship, not a romantic connection. Likewise, if someone suggests a friend to you, even without being asked, take the initiative and meet them.

• A “blind friend date” may or may not be successful, but you'll never know unless you give it a try.

Take a stroll. These days, people often overlook the opportunity to meet those living nearby. Try walking around your neighborhood and saying hello to the people you encounter. You might find a potential friend living right next door. If you have a dog, bring them along for the walk. People are often drawn to dogs, and someone who might hesitate to approach you alone could be eager to meet your friendly pet.

• If you don’t have a dog, consider volunteering to walk dogs from local animal shelters or rescue organizations.

Strike up conversations with strangers. Start casual chats with people you encounter while going about your daily tasks. While some may seem awkward, others may respond warmly and engage in conversation. View each interaction as an opportunity to meet someone new. For example, chat with people in the checkout line or while waiting at the gas station.

• Approaching strangers can be daunting, especially if you're shy or find it hard to initiate random conversations.

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Discover the city on your own terms. Many people let the fact that they are alone hold them back from experiencing everything their city has to offer. Challenge yourself to explore without worrying about being alone. Visit places that interest you, such as a museum or a restaurant that serves your favorite cuisine, even if it’s not widely known. It’s easier to encounter others with similar tastes when you do what you love.

Become a regular at your favorite spots. It's rare for someone to approach a stranger on first sight. However, if you become a familiar face at a spot people frequent, others may start to take notice and eventually strike up a conversation. Opt for places with steady foot traffic but not overwhelming crowds.

• For instance, try visiting a local café every Saturday at 11 AM or a quiet bar every Thursday evening at 7 PM. Stick with it for several weeks to months.

Appear approachable. Wherever you go, greet the people you encounter with a smile. Your body language should exude warmth and friendliness. People are much more likely to engage with someone who seems approachable than someone who appears distant or unfriendly.

• Crossing your arms or legs and looking downward can make you seem less approachable, giving off the impression that you don’t want to be disturbed.

Be open-minded. You might assume your new friends will share similarities with you in terms of age, gender, or lifestyle. However, by narrowing your focus to just one group, you might miss out on connections that could surprise you. Friendships should be built on shared interests, not similarities in life circumstances.

• For instance, you could meet a neighbor 20 years your senior who shares your passion for cooking and gardening, or a friend 20 years younger who loves the same museums and cafés you frequent.

Assess if the other person is open to a connection. Before reaching out, try to gauge if the other person is also interested in forming a friendship. Do they ask questions about you? Does the conversation extend beyond small talk? Do they seem engaged and attentive when you interact?

• If you can answer yes to these questions, it’s likely they’re open to building a friendship.
• If the answer is no, it might indicate that they’re not ready to form a friendship at this moment.

Inquire about the other person's plans. Take an interest in how your acquaintance spends their free time. Ask about their past weekend or upcoming plans. Showing genuine curiosity about their social life signals that you might be interested in being part of it.

• Pay attention to the person during your interactions. You'll attract more friends by showing interest in them than by trying to make them interested in you.
• This could also reassure your acquaintance that you'd be open to an invitation if one comes your way.

Take the initiative to invite someone to hang out. Rather than waiting for the other person to make the first move, take charge yourself. Think of an activity your acquaintance might enjoy and ask if they’d like to join you over the weekend. If your interactions have mostly been in group settings (such as a club or volunteering), you’ll need to take it a step further and ask them to spend time together outside of that group.

• Spending quality one-on-one time is essential to deepening a friendship.
• You can simply say, "Hey, what are you up to on Saturday? How about trying that new restaurant together?"
• Casually inviting someone is a great way to gauge their interest in forming a friendship, but you must go the extra mile and actually make the invitation.
• Don’t hesitate to accept invitations either. While you may feel reluctant, unless there’s a strong reason to decline—like a prior commitment—it’s often better to take the opportunity than to miss out.
• Spending time with an acquaintance outside of a group can help foster a closer relationship, even if the planned activity isn’t something you’d typically choose.
• If you’re invited to a group gathering—a birthday party, a work picnic, after-work drinks—you might meet new friends beyond the person who invited you.

Be open about your intentions. As you grow older, it becomes more important to directly express your desire to form a friendship. By letting someone know that you're interested in becoming friends, you break the ice and allow them to communicate their feelings too. Suggest an activity you’d enjoy doing together, like saying, "I’m going to _____, would you like to join?" If they’re not interested, it’s easier for them to decline the activity rather than rejecting you personally.

• There’s nothing wrong with saying, "We have a lot in common; let’s be friends." Just be sure to phrase it in a way that feels mutual and not needy. For example, “Would you please be my friend?” sounds awkward in comparison.

Discuss deeper subjects. Casual conversation works for acquaintances, but to turn that relationship into a friendship, you need to move beyond surface-level topics. Vulnerability is what distinguishes acquaintances from true friends. You need to be open and share more personal aspects of yourself.

• Start by discussing your values. While it’s fine to have differing perspectives, you’ll likely form stronger connections with those who share your convictions. This might mean losing some connections, but it will ultimately help you build deeper relationships.
• Be open about yourself. Share what led you to pursue your current career or talk about how you spend your free time. Ask your acquaintance about their life too.
• Throughout the process, be honest with yourself. Don’t pretend to enjoy something just because your acquaintance does, especially if it’s not something that interests you.

Don’t take rejection personally. Rejection is always a possibility when trying to form new connections. Not everyone will hit it off with you, and you won’t get along with everyone either. If someone declines your invitation, keep a healthy perspective and remember that there could be many reasons for their response.

• They might simply be too busy or have prior commitments.
• If you face rejection, it’s not a reflection of your worth. Maybe you just weren’t the right fit for each other.
• Be proud of yourself for taking the step to make friends, and take something positive from the experience.
• Don’t give up after one rejection. Keep trying to make plans with the same person a few more times before giving up. Only walk away if it’s clear they’re not interested.
• Continue your efforts to befriend others. If one person rejects your friendship, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. After moving on from one person, keep trying with other acquaintances.

Step out of your comfort zone. Making new friends can be both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. Experiment with different ways to meet new people, but the toughest part is always showing up to that first group event and leaving the comfort of home. It’s okay to feel nervous—just push through those feelings and go for it.

• You might find yourself feeling embarrassed or awkward at times. Some interactions will go smoothly, while others may not. That’s completely normal, and nothing to worry about.

Don’t rely on social media for comfort. While social media has its perks, it can often serve as a crutch, preventing you from stepping into real-life social situations. If you’re feeling lonely, log off, pick up the phone, or make plans with a friend or acquaintance. To make new friends, you must be willing to leave your house and engage with people in person.

• Social media is most valuable when it strengthens connections with friends. If it’s only a way for you to avoid meaningful face-to-face interactions, it’s doing more harm than good.

Have realistic expectations. Building friendships takes time. Both you and the other person need to invest effort. It usually takes 6 to 8 meaningful interactions to form a connection, and it might take years to truly feel comfortable confiding in someone. Many adults have small, tight-knit social circles. Even if you find success, you might only be close with two or three friends.

• You might have different friends for different needs—some for regular hangouts, others for activities like hiking or exploring new places.
• Whether you focus on a few close friendships or cultivate a broader circle of acquaintances is up to you. Do what brings you happiness.

Show appreciation for your friends. Keep in touch with both old and new friends, and continually nurture those relationships. If you’ve enjoyed spending time with someone, invite them out again and stay connected. Some friendships develop quickly, while others take time to blossom.

• It’s natural for some new friendships to start off strong and then fizzle out. Don’t be discouraged by this.
• Try to set regular meeting times with your friends. If you can meet every Friday for an hour, great! For friends with busier schedules, establish a routine—like meeting on the second Sunday of each month or the third Thursday evening.

• Making friends may feel awkward and push you beyond your comfort zone.
• Don’t get discouraged or give up. There are so many people out there—keep meeting new faces.
• When you go somewhere with the goal of socializing, set personal goals to motivate yourself. Tell yourself that you won’t leave until you’ve spoken to at least one or two new people.