How to Build Mental Strength

Mental strength, also known as self-discipline, self-control, or determination, refers to the ability to regulate one's actions, emotions, and focus. It is linked to the capacity to resist impulses, delay gratification in order to achieve long-term goals, and master unwanted thoughts, feelings, or urges. It also involves exercising self-restraint. A person's level of mental strength can influence their ability to save for financial stability, maintain a positive mental and physical health outlook, and avoid addictive behaviors. You can move towards your goals and build mental strength by consistently resisting the urge for immediate rewards, which will help you control impulses. This habit, much like regular exercise, strengthens your self-control muscles over time.

Evaluate your habits. If you're trying to strengthen your willpower, it's likely that you're struggling with impulses that negatively impact certain areas of your life. Some people battle through life with sheer willpower, while for others, willpower is their 'weakness.' Identify the area that needs the most improvement first if you have multiple areas to address, as you should focus on one thing at a time.

• For example, if you find it difficult to commit to healthy eating habits, it could be affecting your overall health and quality of life.
• For example, if you struggle with spending habits and can't save money for important purchases, it's impacting your financial security.

Create Your Own Willpower Scale. Design your own personal scale to measure your willpower. You can rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 represents being completely immersed in the things you want to avoid, and 10 indicates strictly adhering to the tough rules you've set for yourself. Alternatively, you can create a simpler scale with labels like “nothing, a little, more, a lot.” The scale can take many forms, but it’s essentially an opportunity for self-assessment.

• For instance, if you find yourself stocking up on sweets and fast food every day, you might rate yourself a 1 or 2 on a scale of 1-10.
• If you impulsively buy things you don’t need because they’re on sale, or you shop online for unnecessary items when you’re bored, you might rate yourself as “nothing” on the willpower scale for resisting shopping urges.

Set Long-Term Goals for Change. The first step in self-improvement is setting change goals. These goals should be clear, specific, and achievable. Vague or unmeasurable goals will make it difficult to track progress.

• For example, a vague goal like 'eat healthier' is too general to measure. It’s hard to know when you've achieved 'healthier eating.' A more specific goal could be 'lose 20 kg by eating a healthier diet,' 'fit into size 8 dress,' or 'eliminate sugar dependency.'
• A vague goal regarding spending might be 'spend less.' Again, this is unclear and hard to assess. A more specific goal could be 'save 10% of my income,' 'put 60 million VND into savings,' or 'pay off credit card debt.'

Set Short-Term Sub-Goals. One of the most effective ways to achieve a large goal (which might seem overwhelming) is to break it down into short-term sub-goals that serve as milestones along the journey. Short-term goals should also be specific, measurable, and guide you toward your ultimate long-term objective.

• For example, if your long-term goal is to lose 20 kg, a short-term goal could be 'lose 5 kg,' 'exercise 3 times a week,' or 'limit desserts to once a week.'
• If you’re aiming to save 60 million VND, a short-term goal might be 'save 10 million VND,' 'limit dining out to twice a week,' or 'watch movies at home instead of going to the cinema.'

Always Keep the 'Big Picture' in Mind. The best way to 'train' your willpower is to be willing to sacrifice current desires for long-term benefits. Ultimately, the rewards you achieve might include 'staying healthy' or 'financial stability,' but to learn how to cultivate willpower, it’s best to set specific rewards.

• For example, if you’re in the process of losing weight and controlling your eating habits, the final reward might be purchasing an entirely new wardrobe that fits your new body size.
• If you’re working on controlling your shopping habits, your final reward could be an expensive item you’ve never been able to afford, like a bigger TV or a vacation on a tropical island with friends.

Eliminate Instant Gratification. This is the core of building willpower. When you feel tempted to act on impulse, recognize that what you truly desire is just the fleeting feeling of satisfaction. If impulsive actions conflict with your goals, you will likely feel guilty after indulging in that desire.

• To counter the urge for instant gratification, try the following steps:
  • Acknowledge what you want to do
  • Remind yourself that you're just seeking immediate satisfaction
  • Reaffirm your long-term and short-term goals
  • Ask yourself if giving in to this desire is worth the potential impact on your final goal
• For example, if you're working on controlling your cravings and find yourself standing in front of a tray of cookies at a party:
  • Recognize that you want to eat one (or five) cookies
  • Acknowledge that the cookies will satisfy your immediate hunger or impulse
  • Remind yourself that you're focused on losing 20 kg and the reward is a new wardrobe
  • Ask yourself if the temporary pleasure from eating cookies is worth derailing your progress and risking your reward of a new wardrobe.

Reward Yourself with Small Milestones. Motivation and rewards don’t change your willpower, but they can bolster your confidence on the path to success. Since it will take time to reach the ultimate big reward, treat yourself to smaller rewards along the way as guiding markers.

• For example, if you've had a week of healthy food choices, treat yourself to your favorite dish over the weekend. Alternatively, you could reward yourself with something unrelated to food, like a manicure or a massage.
• If you're managing your spending, reward yourself with a gift for saving money. For example, when you save 10 million VND, you could spend 1 million on something that brings you joy.

Keep a Willpower Journal. Document your efforts to control impulses, including both successes and failures, to enhance your willpower. Be sure to write in detail to help you reflect on the situation later.

• For example, you might write: “Today I ate 5 cookies at the office party. I skipped lunch, so I was hungry. There were many people there, Trang made the cookies, and she kept offering me more.”
• Another example: “Today I went to the mall with my husband to buy new jeans for our son. I resisted the urge to buy a dress, even though it was on sale. I bought only the jeans and left.”

Comment on the Factors Influencing Your Decisions. You can write in detail about the situations where you either struggled with or gave in to impulsive behaviors, reflecting on the thoughts in your mind. Feel free to add your emotions, the people you were with, and the environment you were in.

Identify Patterns in Your Behavior. After writing several pages in your journal, you should revisit them and look for recurring patterns in your actions. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I make better decisions when I’m alone or when I’m around others?
• Is there a particular trigger that sets off my impulsive behavior?
• Do my emotions (frustration, anger, joy, etc.) influence my impulsive actions?
• Is there a specific time of day when I struggle more with controlling impulsive behavior (e.g., late at night)?

Consider Choosing a Visual Representation for Your Progress. This may seem trivial, but people tend to respond better when they have a concrete visual representation of their progress. If you can observe the journey you’ve made and how far you still have to go, it can serve as a great motivational boost.

• For instance, if you're working on losing 20 kg, you can drop a coin into a glass jar each time you shed weight. Watching the coins accumulate over time gives you a visual of your progress.
• If you’re saving money, you can draw a thermometer and color it in to indicate your savings level. Once it’s full, you’ve hit your goal. (This method is often used in fundraising campaigns.)

Find the Method That Works Best for You. By using your journal or reflecting on your success or failure in impulse control, you will discover the most effective method for you. You may find that setting weekly rewards works best; or that having a visual aid keeps you more focused; or perhaps measuring your willpower using a scale is the most effective. You’ll recognize that being alone, going to a specific place, or being with certain people may trigger your impulsive behavior. Adjust your approach to strengthen your willpower according to your needs and the situation at hand.

Recognize Stress as a Barrier to Progress. No matter what your specific goal is, stress from work or life can derail your progress. It’s important to use stress-relief techniques such as exercise, getting enough sleep, and taking time to relax.

Avoiding Temptation. Sometimes, the best way to handle temptation is to steer clear of it. If you don't feel like you have the willpower to resist impulsive behavior, try to remove the opportunity for these behaviors to even arise. This might mean staying away from people or environments that trigger your impulses. While this isn't a long-term solution, it can be helpful in certain situations or when you're just starting out.

• For instance, if you struggle with emotional eating, consider cleaning out your kitchen and keeping unhealthy foods out of sight. Get rid of anything that doesn't align with your new eating habits.
• If you're trying to curb unnecessary spending, it might be better to carry cash instead of credit cards. Alternatively, you could leave your wallet at home if you're struggling with impulse buying. Avoid places that trigger your spending habits, like shopping malls. If you need something, ask someone else to buy it for you.

Using "If-Then" Thinking. Using "if-then" statements can help you plan your response when faced with temptation. You can "practice" your response by imagining the situation beforehand. This can be a useful tool when you actually find yourself in a tempting situation.

• For example, if you know you're going to a party with a lot of cookies, you can use an "if-then" statement like, "If Trang offers me a cookie, then I will politely decline and say, 'Your cookies are delicious, but I'm on a diet, thank you,' and move to the other side of the room."
• If you're trying to control your spending, you could use an if-then statement like, "If I see something I like on sale in the mall, I will write down the product and its price, then go home. If I still want it the next day, I'll ask my husband to buy it for me."

Seeking Treatment. If you've been trying to control your impulses on your own but haven't been successful, seeking treatment could be beneficial. A specialist can provide support and offer specific advice to help you change your behavior. They may be able to identify underlying issues that are influencing your impulsive actions.

• Some doctors specialize in impulse control and cognitive-behavioral therapy, which can be effective in treating people struggling with impulsive or addictive behaviors.
• Some types of impulsive behavior or lack of willpower can be addressed by habit-reversal strategies, replacing unwanted habits (such as eating cookies whenever you see them) with more desirable habits (like drinking water).