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Self-confidence is an essential part of being human. A person with confidence is someone who loves themselves, is ready to take risks to achieve personal or professional goals, and always thinks positively about the future. In contrast, someone without self-confidence may struggle to believe they can achieve their objectives and have a negative outlook on themselves and their dreams in life. The great news is that self-confidence is something we can build! Developing confidence requires fostering a positive attitude about yourself and your social interactions, while also learning how to cope with negative emotions and take better care of yourself. You should also set goals and embrace risk-taking, as facing challenges can help you further build your confidence.
Steps
Foster a Positive Attitude
Identify your negative self-talk. Negative thoughts can appear as follows: “I can’t do this,” “I’ll probably fail,” “No one wants to hear what I have to say.” These inner voices are negative and unhelpful, pushing you further away from developing the self-confidence you deserve.
Turn negative thoughts into positive ones. When you catch yourself having negative thoughts, try to replace them with positive ones. You can use positive affirmations such as “I will try,” “I can succeed if I do this,” or “People will listen to what I have to say.” Start small by thinking positively a little bit every day.
Don’t let negative thoughts outweigh positive ones. Gradually, positive thoughts will start to overpower negative ones and take charge in your mind. Positive thinking will become natural as long as you keep working to shift your mindset from negative to positive.
Maintain positive relationships. Stay in touch with those who uplift you, such as close family or friends, to help maintain a positive perspective. Avoid people who make you feel uncomfortable.
- A person who constantly brings up your flaws or criticizes you may cause you to feel bad about yourself.
- Consider the opinions of your family members about the kind of person you should be, as such views can also harm your confidence.
- As you nurture a positive attitude and approach your goals, you’ll be able to spot negative, close-minded people. Try to avoid them as much as possible while building your self-confidence.
- Take time to reflect on those who make you feel amazing and make it a goal to spend time with people who support you.
Eliminate reminders of your weaknesses. Don’t waste time on things that make you feel bad about yourself. These could be objects that remind you of the past, clothes that no longer fit, or places that aren’t aligned with your goal of building self-confidence. While you can't avoid everything, you can choose to move beyond it. This will benefit you as you build your confidence.
- Spend time reflecting on things that make you feel unhappy, like selfish friends, an unsatisfactory career, or situations you can’t stand.
Identify your strengths. Everyone has their unique strengths, so take the time to figure out what yours are and focus on them. Be proud of the things you excel at. Express yourself through art, music, writing, or dancing. Discover what you love and nurture your talents as a hobby.
- Adding hobbies to your life not only boosts your confidence but also increases opportunities to meet like-minded people.
- When you pursue your passions, they act as a form of therapy and give you a sense of achievement and uniqueness, which can significantly aid in building your self-confidence.
Be proud of yourself. In addition to your talents and skills, think about the qualities that make you an amazing person. It could be your sense of humor, compassion, ability to listen, or how well you handle pressure. You might not think you have anything to be proud of, but if you look deeper, you will realize that you have qualities worth admiring. Writing these down will help you focus on the positive aspects of yourself.
Embrace compliments. Many people with low self-esteem struggle to accept compliments; they either think they’re mistaken or that the praise is untruthful. If you find yourself responding to compliments reluctantly, with eye rolls, saying “Yeah, right,” or shrugging, consider rethinking your response.
- Accept compliments wholeheartedly and respond positively. Saying thank you and smiling is always the right approach. Make the person complimenting you feel that you genuinely appreciate it, and practice reaching a point where you can accept compliments from the heart.
- Consider adding the compliments you receive to a list of positive things about yourself, using them as motivation to build your self-confidence.
Look in the mirror and smile. Studies around the 'facial feedback hypothesis' suggest that facial expressions can positively affect your brain, triggering or enhancing specific emotions. By looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you can feel happier about yourself, and over time, it will boost your confidence. This practice also helps you accept your appearance.
- Others will respond positively when you smile at them, so not only will it make you feel better, but it will also boost your confidence through their positive reactions.
Handling Emotions
Comfortably face your fears. You may think that confident people never experience fear. This is simply not true. Fear means you’re on the edge of change. Your fear might be speaking in public, introducing yourself to strangers, or asking for a raise.
- When you face your fears, your confidence will grow, and you will feel it instantly!
- Think of a baby learning to walk. There are many possibilities — the baby may be scared of falling while taking those first steps. Once the baby overcomes the fear and starts walking, you’ll see a big smile on their face! That will be your smile when you conquer your own fears.
Be patient with yourself. Sometimes, stepping back is necessary in order to move forward. Building self-confidence isn’t an overnight achievement. You might try something new and fail to meet your goal. If possible, learn from those moments. Failing at first is a chance to better understand yourself. Confidence must be nurtured and developed gradually.
- For instance, let’s say you ask your boss for a raise and get rejected. What did you learn from that? Compare how you approached the situation with your boss and see if there’s anything you could have done differently.
Aim for balance. Just like any other aspect of life, building self-confidence requires balance. A lack of confidence can prevent you from reaching your goals and leave you feeling inadequate. At the same time, you need to be realistic – you don’t want to underestimate the time and effort needed to achieve your objectives.
Stop comparing yourself to others. To build self-confidence, you need to focus on improving your own life in a positive direction, not trying to mold your life to resemble that of your best friend, brother, or any celebrity you see on TV. Understand that there will always be someone more attractive, smarter, or wealthier than you, but there will also be people less attractive, less intelligent, or less prosperous than you. None of that matters – what matters is focusing on your own goals and dreams.
- You may lack confidence because you’ve been convinced that others are better than you. However, ultimately, the real issue is whether you’re happy with your own standards. If you don’t know your personal standards, now is the time to dig deep into your soul before moving forward.
- Additionally, research shows that frequent use of social media can lead people to compare themselves to others. People often post their accomplishments on social media, but not the full picture of their lives, which can make you feel like their lives are perfect in comparison to yours. This is simply not true! Everyone has their ups and downs in life.
Recognize your insecurities. Is there something not right deep within? What makes you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed? It could be anything – a blemish, regret, school friends, a past hurt, or a bad experience. Identify what makes you feel worthless, ashamed, or inferior, name them, and list them out. You can tear up or burn those papers and feel more positive about them.
- The purpose of this exercise is not to make you sad. The point is that it helps you become more aware of the challenges you’re facing and gives you the strength to leave them behind.
Rise from your mistakes. Remember, no one is perfect. Even the most confident people experience moments of insecurity. At some point, everyone feels that something is missing in their life. That’s just the reality of life. Accept that life is full of 'ups and downs,' and those feelings of insecurity will pass, depending on where you are, who you're with, what emotions you're experiencing, and how you’re feeling. In other words, those insecurities won’t last forever. If you’ve made a mistake, the best course of action is to recognize it, feel regret, and create a plan to avoid repeating it next time.
Avoid perfectionism. Perfectionism leads to illusions and doesn’t help you achieve your goals. If you believe that everything must be done perfectly, you will never truly feel happy with yourself or your life. Learn to take pride in the work that is done well instead of expecting everything to be flawless. If you are a perfectionist, you are veering off course in your journey towards self-confidence.
Always practice gratitude. The root cause of insecurity and lack of confidence often comes from a sense of lacking something, whether it’s emotional, material, lucky, or financial. By practicing gratitude and appreciating what you have, you can face feelings of deficiency and dissatisfaction. Finding peace in your soul along with gratitude can work wonders for your self-confidence. Take time to sit down and reflect on everything you have, such as good friends or good health.
- Sit down and make a list of the things you're thankful for. Read through what you’ve written and add at least one new item to the list every week. You’ll find yourself becoming more positive and resilient.
Practice self-care.
Take care of yourself. To do this, you need to take small steps like maintaining your appearance by showering regularly, brushing your teeth, and eating healthy and delicious foods. Self-care also means dedicating time for yourself, even when you’re incredibly busy and have already given too much time to others.
- It might sound counterintuitive, but when you take care of yourself through the basics, it shows that you believe you deserve the time and effort it takes to care for yourself.
- When you start believing in yourself, you're heading in the right direction to build self-confidence.
Take care of your appearance. You don’t have to look like Brad Pitt to start building self-confidence. If you want to feel better about yourself and your appearance, take care of it by showering daily, brushing your teeth, wearing clothes that suit your body shape, and ensuring you dedicate time to your looks. This doesn’t mean that your appearance or style will automatically boost your confidence, but the effort you put into caring for your appearance shows that you are worth the care.
Exercise regularly. Part of taking care of yourself involves exercising. For you, this could mean a jog outdoors, while for others, it might involve cycling 80 km. Start now, at this very moment. You don’t need to do complicated exercises.
- Many studies show that exercise is essential for maintaining a positive outlook on life, and a positive attitude contributes to one’s confidence.
Get enough sleep. A solid 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night can improve both your mood and appearance. Getting adequate rest not only helps you stay positive but also gives you more energy. A good night’s sleep enables you to regulate emotions better and handle stress more effectively.
Set goals and embrace risks.
Set small, achievable goals. Often, people set unrealistic and unattainable goals for themselves, leading them to feel overwhelmed or never actually start. This can be disheartening when trying to build self-confidence.
- Gradually adjust your smaller goals to eventually achieve a larger one that is within your reach.
- For example, if you want to run a marathon but fear you can't, don’t try to run 40 km on your first day. Start small, set a goal of running 2 km initially. If you’re comfortable with 8 km, try increasing your goal to 9 or 10 km.
- If your desk is messy, it might feel impossible to clean it up all at once. Start by putting books back on the shelf, and even pinning papers in place to tidy up. That’s already a positive step toward organizing your entire workspace.
Open yourself to the unknown. People lacking in confidence often worry that they will fail when faced with unexpected situations. It’s time to stop doubting yourself and try new and different experiences, embracing the unknown. It could be a trip to a foreign country with friends or accepting a date arranged by your cousin. Get used to accepting unfamiliar things that can help you feel more comfortable with yourself and have a sense of control over your life – or you’ll realize that you’re just fine in situations you hadn’t anticipated. When you recognize that you can succeed even in situations you never imagined, that’s when your confidence reaches its peak.
- Spend more time with adventurous and spontaneous people. Before long, you’ll find yourself doing surprising things and feeling better about it.
Identify the areas you need to improve. There may be things about yourself that you dislike but can’t change, like your height or hair texture. However, many of the things you perceive as flaws can be worked on with a little effort.
- Whether you want to become more approachable or improve academically, you can create a plan to achieve these goals and start implementing it. You might not become the most sociable person in school or the one delivering speeches in front of everyone, but you can still make great progress in building your confidence by simply having a plan to make positive changes.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t try to change everything at once. Start with one or two things you want to change and begin making those adjustments.
- You can create a progress tracking chart to visualize your journey towards your goals, helping you see how far you’ve come and whether your plan is achievable. It’ll also allow you to take pride in what you’ve accomplished.
Take initiative in helping others. When you treat those around you with kindness and make a positive impact on their lives (even if it’s something as simple as being polite to the person who brings you your morning coffee), you’ll realize that you’re making a meaningful contribution to the world – and that will boost your confidence. Look for ways to help those around you, and consider it a part of your daily routine. You could volunteer at a library or help your little sister learn to read. Your act of helping not only benefits others but also strengthens your self-esteem, as you recognize all that you have to offer.
- You don’t need to help someone in your community to reap the benefits of giving. Sometimes even people close to you, like your mom or best friend, need your help just like anyone else.
Advice
- Don’t be afraid to push yourself beyond your physical or mental limits. The pressure you face can show you that achieving results is easier than you think, and in the process, you’ll refine your skills. Step out of your comfort zone.
- You can boost your confidence by using self-hypnosis techniques like saying "I am number one" to simulate the feeling of achieving a long-term goal, which will help reduce the stress you're experiencing.
- Don’t focus too much on your mistakes and weaknesses. These shortcomings can reflect your strengths or help you identify areas for improvement. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of accomplishing something you once thought impossible.
