How to Build Self-Control

Recognize impulsive thoughts. Identifying strategies to resist temptation in the moment can truly help you build self-control. Start by listing actions you want to control, as well as situations that trigger those actions. By recognizing the moments that prompt impulsive behavior, you’ll be better equipped to create a delay between the urge and the action.

Set time limits for impulsive thoughts. This means creating a pause in your thought process to reevaluate your behavior from a more rational perspective. Additionally, you can learn how to delay actions instead of acting immediately on urges.

• For example, if overspending or shopping is an area where you want to build self-control, give yourself 24 hours to think before making any purchase. Write down the items you want to buy in a small notebook. After 24 hours, revisit the list and decide if you truly want or need those items.

Try belly breathing. This technique is helpful if you're trying to quit smoking or control overeating. When a craving hits, instead of giving in immediately, set a timer for 5 minutes and focus on belly breathing. Remind yourself that cravings are just desires and not necessities. During the 5 minutes, imagine the craving fading away with each exhale. Take note of how you feel and whether the urge to indulge has subsided.

• Close your eyes and breathe slowly through your nose. Fill your lungs, expanding your chest and lower abdomen. Finally, exhale naturally through your mouth or nose.

Find healthy distractions. It can be difficult to resist strong urges if you simply sit and focus on them. Instead, acknowledge the urge and distract yourself with something else. This helps shift your mind away from the impulse, giving you time to decide whether to act on it.

• Sometimes keeping your hands busy helps, such as knitting, folding origami, or texting a friend.

Take practical action. Beyond momentary distractions, actively replace the behavior you want to control with constructive actions. By giving yourself time to slow down, you can make clearer and more confident decisions.

• For example, if you're trying to curb overspending, take a walk in a park where you won’t have the opportunity to shop. Or, if you're working on controlling overeating, consider hitting the gym whenever the urge to overeat arises.

Create a list of habits or actions you wish to manage. If those around you suggest certain habits, pay close attention to them. Remember, true change must come from within. Therefore, don't ignore your intuition, value how you feel, and consider feedback from people in your life. Promise yourself to strive for change and build self-control to genuinely alter your behavior.

Select a key behavior from your list that you most want to control. There are many areas in life where we can apply rational behavior and self-discipline. Always remember to relax and slow things down. Review your list and pick any behavior you wish to master. Changing habits takes time, and building self-control requires effort. Acknowledge your strengths and set realistic, achievable goals.

Study the behavior. Learn how others have built self-control in similar situations. Ask friends or relatives who have made similar changes in their lives. Research online about the specific action you're trying to change.

Create an honest self-assessment. Keeping a personal journal can help personalize your experience in initiating change. Enhancing awareness of triggers that may cause impulsiveness and lack of self-control will help you recognize your behavior. Cultivating awareness around impulsive actions will improve your self-control and help make informed decisions in building self-discipline.

Set realistic goals. Part of the failure in developing self-control is feeling discouraged when you can't change immediately or quickly abandon bad habits. Help yourself succeed by setting realistic goals and gradually changing behavior instead of giving up abruptly.

Track your progress. Keep in mind that the key is progress, not perfection. Create a special calendar to record your efforts. If you feel you’ve lost control on a particular day, mark it on the calendar and journal about what might have triggered your impulsiveness. The more self-aware you become about your habits, the easier it will be to anticipate challenging times.

Motivate yourself. Maintain a clear reason why you want to control your behavior and remind yourself of it regularly. Dig deep to find internal motivation and document it in a journal. You can also list your reasons on a small piece of paper or set reminders on your phone.

Channel your energy into positive actions. Focus on various positive behaviors to replace the one you’re trying to control. View this process as a journey to discover what works for you. Don’t be discouraged if a coping strategy doesn’t fully resonate. Instead, switch to a better strategy. Self-care will reinforce your efforts to change and improve self-control.

Develop new hobbies. Immersing yourself in a newly discovered interest, such as cars, puzzles, motorcycles, sports, or painting—among countless others—can be a great distraction while building self-control. Part of changing behavior is replacing it with a healthier action that doesn’t lead to impulsiveness.

Build yourself up. Actively encourage yourself to make the changes you want in life. A positive mindset significantly impacts your ability to develop self-control. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you feel you haven’t reached your goal. Keep focusing on your efforts and avoid dwelling on perceived failures. Just try again.

Leverage the support system around you. Inform your friends and family about your efforts to change your behavior. Seek out those who are enthusiastic and kind, and ask if you can call or message them when you need assistance. Trusting yourself and making changes also involves allowing others to support you. While boosting self-confidence is crucial for building self-control, having others encourage, motivate, and listen to you when needed can strengthen your decisions, making it easier to implement changes.

Reward yourself. Ensure you give yourself proper praise for your efforts in building self-control and making changes. Rewarding yourself for practicing self-discipline can reinforce positive actions, replacing impulsive behaviors.

Know when to seek help. While building self-control is a commendable and ambitious aspect of changing your life and being more responsible for your choices, there are situations where you need more than just willpower. Here are some suggestions on when to seek professional help and support: